Success

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

Who cares? This is a perfect time for you to set your foot down and keep NC. My ex was horrible to me then after dumping me would every couple of weeks get some lame excuse to contact me. "Did I leave my stamps at your house?" "I think you are talking trash about me" All kinds of stuff and at first I would fall for it but then I saw it's just a way to stay in your life - actually a way to keep you in her life. DO NO EMAIL HER! In fact if she thinks you're doing stuff your not - that just means she's fixated on you and not her. Forget her today and worry about you. Trust me if you did email her it wouldn't go the way you would want so you're better off.

 

I got ya Bull... Thanks so much, and maybe this is a ploy to get a reaction out of me, but i cant know for sure. Who knows if someone really was getting into there, but i am the most likely suspect since we were together so long, recently split and i DID know her info and she knew mine.

 

I just want to know if such a situation can hurt my already slim chances of reconciliation... I realize regardless that coming back wasnt guaranteed but i dont see if this can help those chances lol..

[bullonparade]

I got ya Bull... Thanks so much, and maybe this is a ploy to get a reaction out of me, but i cant know for sure. Who knows if someone really was getting into there, but i am the most likely suspect since we were together so long, recently split and i DID know her info and she knew mine.

 

I just want to know if such a situation can hurt my already slim chances of reconciliation... I realize regardless that coming back wasnt guaranteed but i dont see if this can help those chances lol..

 

No it can't hurt because the truth is you didn't do anything and truth always prevails. If something as trivial as an email account will be the end of reconciliation then you are better off anyway. A marriage could go through infidelity, death, and fiancial issues...an email shouldn't even be on your radar. Try to forget it and move on. 2 things are going to happen, she's coming back or a new girls life is changing right now so she will meet you and be ready. There is no other option. So sit back and enjoy this in between time because it is out of your hands. Life all ready has a plan for you and it will make sense in the end.

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

i do have another question, of ettiquette.

 

Recently her grandfather, her mother's father, died and i was wondering if i should send something like a card paying my respects to the family, not singling her out. She came to my dad's wake when he passed without me asking. She had called me out of the blue when we were still on talking terms and asked if i had spent Thanksgiving with him and i told her he had passed.

 

Me and her grandfather met talked and knew one another each other more than she knew my father (she only met him once or twice), and he liked me.

 

Im iffy on whether or not to send one because in all honesty i dont want to break NC and im not obligated to do anything since we arent together. Also, since she left me, im out of the loop so how am I to know that he died.

 

If i did send a card or something it would not be a request to open communications, just a card to pay respects to the family and their loss because i know what its like to lose a father and grandfather.

[bullonparade]

Don't send anything. It's gotta be tough for you but you have to be strong and you're going to see all kinds or reasons to break NC. You don't exist - you are not there. She has no idea what you could be doing. "Is he alive? Does he hate me? Did he meet another girl that's better then me?" This will all go through her head if you do NC. Just remember NC won't bring her back but it will give you your life back. Nothing from you, not one word. The longer you can do this the better you will start to feel and every day will be a triumph. Trust me, if nothing has worked this far just give it a try and see what happens. You may be suprised how well it works.

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

Don't send anything. It's gotta be tough for you but you have to be strong and you're going to see all kinds or reasons to break NC. You don't exist - you are not there. She has no idea what you could be doing. "Is he alive? Does he hate me? Did he meet another girl that's better then me?" This will all go through her head if you do NC. Just remember NC won't bring her back but it will give you your life back. Nothing from you, not one word. The longer you can do this the better you will start to feel and every day will be a triumph. Trust me, if nothing has worked this far just give it a try and see what happens. You may be suprised how well it works.

 

Thanks so much Bull...Im getting better, really starting to get back to the old me i feel...making progress but still got a while to go. i wont send anything and I can say with confidence that Im cool if she never comes back to be my gf...Id like to talk eventually and catch up...Maybe if its in the cards and that happens we'll hit it off again, maybe not.

 

She did say when we last talked that she didnt think wed work in a relationship...i THINK its because of the way i was in our relationship and because of our religious differences....shes jewish and i think feels pressure from parents and others to be with a jewish man...to keep it within the religion. That doesnt mean we cant talk. BUT i will NOT be her friend, i will be friendly and chat when she calls but if i find shes not romantically interested then i wont fall into the habit of being her shoulder to cry on and the like... i value our past too much and cant go backwards. I wont be in her life enough to consider a friend but i would like to keep in touch to see how we progress as people.

 

I'll find someone else who'll love me no matter what religion or ethnic background.

[coldplay.]

Im glad someone finally posted a no bs account of success.

 

I havnt got my ex back, but i know what will work and im not delusional about any of it.

 

Listen to the different stories people post, 90% of the time youre going to read success stories like this versus, oh i sent them a note professing my love so they wouldnt forget me.

 

I find it only appropriate to comment on bullonparade's name.

 

Id rather live one day as a lion, than a lifetime as a lamb. Think about it.

[bullonparade]

Good stuff guys. Cnstnt I like how you said "I will find someone..." and not "I hope/maybe." I don't know you but it sounds like you are doing fine, way ahead of where I was a couple months into it. coldplay. Thank you, I read so much negativity on here and bad self talk but didn't even have an account. When I got success I figured I needed to share what I always hoped to read. There is another great success story on here right now that's pretty new and the guy ended up healing and meeting someone better suited for him. All great stuff. "One Day As A Lion" - great quote and great band name....

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

Good stuff guys. Cnstnt I like how you said "I will find someone..." and not "I hope/maybe." I don't know you but it sounds like you are doing fine, way ahead of where I was a couple months into it. coldplay. Thank you, I read so much negativity on here and bad self talk but didn't even have an account. When I got success I figured I needed to share what I always hoped to read. There is another great success story on here right now that's pretty new and the guy ended up healing and meeting someone better suited for him. All great stuff. "One Day As A Lion" - great quote and great band name....

 

 

Oh man.....new development....I was out tonight with my friends, and i get a call from her friend... I had NO IDEA that he was with her so i answer, say whats up and that im out at the moment with my friends. He tries talking to me and we get disconnected. So i hang up and go about my business.

 

Next thing i know, i get calls from her number, i KNOW its hers because its committed to memory. 4 total in a row, i ignore them all...for all she knows im out wit my friends having a good time. i get a 5th call from her number and a voicemail is left, its her gay friend calling me from her number. i didnt answer the call and didnt call back.....good move?? i didnt want to talk, i was doing GREAT til they did this...id like some revenge but want to be the bigger man....

[createhappiness]

why is this gay friend mediating things and leaving voicemails on your exgf's behalf? that's really strange. what did the voicemail say?

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

hes not really mediating....he sounded drunk so i assume she was too, and they got revved up and called me or something. he thinks im good looking and he was hitting on me, hes done it in the past....

 

im really starting to not like them lol....

 

I want to txt both of em to lose my number.

 

The voice mail said....hey "name", im in the city and was wondering where you were, and wanted to kno if u wanted to come out with me...I went to happy hour for the night and wanted to kno if you wanted to come out, so just give me a call..." verbatim

 

he or him AND her figured id answer because it was her number calling, which i deleted out of my phone. I cant tell if this was a sick joke on both their parts or what it was, i just know i dont like it and i was doing SO well forgetting about her and now this happens. Guess its true when you finally start to forget them is when stuff starts happening. Why call me from her number though, we havent talked in months and THIS is how it starts? and she lets her gay friend get revved up and call me? I should get an apology. I think i should have answered and just been like "who is this??" since her number isnt saved in my phone anymore lol or said "listen i know im hot, but tell your friend i dont swing that way." haha....ehh im just venting.

 

least i kno finding another wont be hard....i can get even gay men if i wanted lol

 

my friends were telling me to answer but i just didnt want to give her or her friend the satisfaction, or say anything stupid because i was tipsy too. Friends said to pick up and ask why they were calling me so much and is everything cool because youre interrupting my good time lol.

 

I just didnt want to give the idea that im easy to get ahold of and not moving on...should i text and say to not call me and that im moving on?? its not on me to break NC anymore, unless he did this without her knowledge, but they're attached at the hip lol......UGH useless drama.

[jasav1]

I imagine they were drunk and they were talking about you. Why, I have no idea. One thing is for sure though, she hasn't forgotten about you! Just leave her to it, don't even bother asking why they did that. She will wonder why you haven't, and will probably come to the conclusion that you have moved on. Something might hit her then, or it may not. But like I said mate, she hasn't forgotten about you at all, it seems.

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

I imagine they were drunk and they were talking about you. Why, I have no idea. One thing is for sure though, she hasn't forgotten about you! Just leave her to it, don't even bother asking why they did that. She will wonder why you haven't, and will probably come to the conclusion that you have moved on. Something might hit her then, or it may not. But like I said mate, she hasn't forgotten about you at all, it seems.

 

Ya know what?? you're right. Although id rather it not have been to do something like that to me, if it was a joke...what am I? the person who'll roll over and take that?

 

But anyway chalk up another "success" to NC....i didnt get back with her, but dropping off the face of the earth...doesnt make them forget about you if you had a long meaningful relationship.

 

I will remain steadfast and neutral...no action, youre right shell probably wonder why i havent followed up lol.

 

 

Next Thurs is my b-day too, we'll see if she calls or something for that. I hold no hope of it happening though. Man, just when you grab and accept the notion theyarent coming back...this stuff happens lol

 

I mean if reconciliation is in the cards id be open to it, so whatever i do i dont want to diminish those chances, but i think NC is still the correct course.

[createhappiness]

yeah, definitely not worth responding to. she is trying to get attention from you and expects you to contact her back - but that joke message in no way means she wants to get back together, so why respond?

 

good job on staying NC

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

yeah, definitely not worth responding to. she is trying to get attention from you and expects you to contact her back - but that joke message in no way means she wants to get back together, so why respond?

 

good job on staying NC

 

Yeah thanks for the vote of confidence bud. Ill be honest i feel ive been set back a bit in NC and a bit of feelings arose, but im not gonna sit here and succumb to the desire to say/do something.

 

If i did it would just be to tell her to stop calling me because im trying to get over her. But ill bet 100 bucks if i tried to call her she wouldnt answer lol. THATS my motivation not to call...itll jus be more heartache. Im the bigger person in this situation. Let her talk to me when shes got something meaningful to say...

 

And the thing is i dont even know what that was last night, a joke or him seriously calling to hit on me or what...all i know is that they were together wherever they were, talking and thinking about me - so fine with me, she can think of me all she wants, but im starting to say to myself that her window is slowly closing...

 

](*,)

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

i jus gotta stop thinking about her..

[createhappiness]

don't think of it as a setback, you're still in control - you haven't contacted her and not giving into her 'bait' and that's a very good thing! take this recent incident as more proof for your reason to be firm in NC, your silence speaks volumes and you are probably right that she wouldn't answer or respond in any way you would like.

 

i can see that her contact you is bothering you though, and if she tries to pull this stunt again it might be worth reiterating you'd rather she respect your wish to be left alone and that you'd rather not hear from her anymore.

[coldplay.]

Dont hijack his thread then bump it for your own purposes, post your own, or this will be closed by the moderators, dont be disrespectful of the OP.

[bullonparade]

i jus gotta stop thinking about her..

 

You are doing the right thing. NC means NO CONTACT. No reason - you need to heal and move on and that is what will fix it if you will get back together. Her dating you didn't work so you have to become better so if you do date again, it's a new relationship. If you are still mixed up with her you won't be doing it on your own. You already know how it would go if you responded. When the time is right, you will know.

[kitchty]

Just want to say this is an awesome example...I guess I will bug the OP when the time comes for me to do LC. It is not time yet...the smoke and flame from the break up is still clouding everything, and even though I did something good it was disregarded and not valued. And well...maybe it is not even about the flame and smoke...Maybe he just doesn't want the kind of person I am and will not want me even after all the flame and smoke is gone.

 

I am yet to initiate real NC. I am still stuck in the same town and same university. I am flying away in a week...and from then on I will be 20 hours away from him (that is, by air.....) and it will be that way for another 6 months to a year.

 

Dear Bullonparade.....I am just so afraid to say goodbye...I am afraid it will be the last goodbye, and the last thing I will ever say to him in my lifetime. Because truth be told, maybe I won't ever get to talk to him again. I will only talk to him again if dating becomes a possibility again, and if he is not involved with anyone officially or unofficially.

[Caligirl_41]

Evolution, she's been thinking about you and your going NC on her is driving her crazy! Keep it up, and don't give in because she's not ready to commit yet - she's just testing the waters because she's starting to feel like the rejected one.

[bullonparade]

Dear Bullonparade.....I am just so afraid to say goodbye...I am afraid it will be the last goodbye, and the last thing I will ever say to him in my lifetime. Because truth be told, maybe I won't ever get to talk to him again. I will only talk to him again if dating becomes a possibility again, and if he is not involved with anyone officially or unofficially.

 

So what? Just acknowledge you feel that way and give it a try to move on. The problem is he knows that and it gives him power. If you stop responding he looses that power and you start to grow. Maybe you will never talk again, that is very possible. I may get in a car accident today and die, I may get cancer in 5 years, my house could burn down this weekend - so what? Do I let it run my life? No and neither should you. Just tell yourself only 2 possible outcomes - he's coming back or someone better is going to be in your life. You can't loose. He is the one that has to decided if he goofed up and let the wrong girl slip away - let him feel that for a while. He's allowed to try to date other girls and he very well may. You don't own him and he is no different then you meeting a new guy. In the beginning there are always going to be others waiting in the wings - this time will be no different so you better start preparing for that now. Maybe you could go out with other guys - ever think what that might do to him? Don't give up all your power yet.

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

Evolution, she's been thinking about you and your going NC on her is driving her crazy! Keep it up, and don't give in because she's not ready to commit yet - she's just testing the waters because she's starting to feel like the rejected one.

 

Thank you for the vote of confidence...we will see if and how it plays out...

[Dante09]

"You are doing the right thing. NC means NO CONTACT. No reason - you need to heal and move on and that is what will fix it if you will get back together. Her dating you didn't work so you have to become better so if you do date again, it's a new relationship. If you are still mixed up with her you won't be doing it on your own. You already know how it would go if you responded. When the time is right, you will know."

 

IF she could ever tear you away from the new, better relationships you will find yourself in because of your dignified, positive application of NC!

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

"You are doing the right thing. NC means NO CONTACT. No reason - you need to heal and move on and that is what will fix it if you will get back together. Her dating you didn't work so you have to become better so if you do date again, it's a new relationship. If you are still mixed up with her you won't be doing it on your own. You already know how it would go if you responded. When the time is right, you will know."

 

IF she could ever tear you away from the new, better relationships you will find yourself in because of your dignified, positive application of NC!

 

hehe, thanks Dante...appreciate your kind words, id like to see my post help and inspire others....

 

I do find myself still wondering what shes doing though from time to time

[Joshb]

Wow great thread! Just read all pages! First off Bull love the story, your advice, and how you seem so confident and stuck by your guns! Second off, all you guys/gals rock!

I am so glad i found this website, its really been therapeutic, seeing i am not alone. For instance i felt kind of low today but this has really lifted my spirits! It does give hope not in the kind of way of getting her back(which i have been falling back into that mindset!!) But hope that i can and will be a stronger person, and my life doesnt depend on one person. She will either come back if she loves me or as said i WILL find someone who loves me and is a better fit.

I also want to comment on the idea of attracting energy. I read a book not to long ago called "excuse me, your life is waiting" by lynn grabhorn. Now this book focuses on you attract things through your energy. Its a crazy concept, and you think how could this really be true? Then you notice when u stop caring or dont worry, they call or things work themselves out. The book is all about this concept. For instance you create your own situations, , if your worrying and focusing on negative events in return your attracting...more of the same and vice versa. I am starting to believe this to be true, even down to little simple things(or occurences) throughout the day.

An example of this, i went NC for good little over week ago. Now after we last spoke i was pissed off, she was not the person i knew!! I vanished. The next 3-4days i was only thinking ME ME ME! I was "flowing positive energy" thoughts of her barely popped in! I was thinking of where my life is gonna be when i accomplish all these short/long term goals. Would you believe she called? (didnt answer...was her first time initiating contact since break up) It was almost as like she knew something was up? her safety blanket no more. I however did write an email explaining friends is not an option right now, we shouldnt speak unless she open or willing to working it out, wished her the best.

Few days later she responded, saying shes hurt but respects my choice. Then she got a little aggressive saying i should have called or called back cause it was important, but she needs to get over the habit of going to me in a time of need! Anger... She knew i was always there, and sensed i wasnt BSing. She said i would never hear from her again wished me well(this may be true) However this phone call and email took me back 2 steps and had me obsessing over her and wanting her back and feeling low again, until this thread.

Now the break up had to do mostly with me, i was unsure and emotionally checked out, so she feels i broke it off a month before our break up, where is i felt she did by saying it over when i told her i was confused. i did beg and pleade at first, and tried giving space. I was always there for her so now that i am not, i think it does mess with her(hence the anger in the email).

What keeps me from not contacting is i dont want to give her satisfaction, for when she tries to get a reaction from me(i give nothing) She needs to know what she lost, and i hope one day (whether too late or not) she realizes how good i was. Also i m interested in the threads on "rebound and NC" and "what the dumper feels" I do not want to remain her emotional support(if she does find another guy, i hear being there can make the rebound relationship work out longer) I want no part in helping her heal, move on, or a new relationship( last i checked she wasnt seeing anyone)

Lot of my insecurities killed the relationship no doubt, she says i need to find myself, and she needs to fix her life up as well, She also said shes not in the place to give me 100percent, wouldnt be fair. We both have stuff to work on for sure.

Its good to know that i am not the only one hurting, our ex's hurt as well(if they really cared) and we wont be a puppet on a string. if we cant turn off our feelings, thoughts and hearts for them over night, trust they cant neither. It may just take them little longer to process those feelings, when things cool down and they actually have time to sit down and feel. For instance if your lacking sleep and super busy, day in day out, when u sit down for the first time, the sleepiness sets in and you realize your tired. (if that makes sense) Thanks for the thread sorry for long post! had lot to say after reading all 8 pages.