How do you know that it's really over?

[kynard]

Hey all,

Please refer to this post for info link removed I recently talked to my ex(we have been talking consitently since the breakup) and he told me that he knew that in one night that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said that he was tired of flip-flopping and that he was sure about his feelings and that they had left him forever. I asked him about all the other times and he said that he was just confused then but now he knows for sure. I think that's total bs but that's just my opinion. I aske dhim how could he be so cold and insesnitive all of a sudden and he told me that it was due to him being resolved about the issue and he knew that it was finally over. Afterwards he attacked me telling me that it was pretty much my fault, we can't get along, and that i was unsupportive of his life decisions/ How could he say that when i have been the perso that has been there the most for him troughout everything? As of now I realize that I can't talk to him because he just keeps blaming me for all his problems. I asked him if he was ever going to call me and he said that he didn't know. I just don't understand how after so long of sharing so much that he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. Did I do something wrong? I feel so alone and stupid. Please help!!!

[luxe_13]

Dear Kynard. I don't think you ever know if it's over for good. i don't think he even knows. I'm sure that if he found out you were happy and were seeing someone else..this would make him jealous!

Sounds as though he has some anger in him. and andger = passion.

It is better for him to feel this than to be totally numb about the whole thing.

 

Give him time and space...if it's meant to be..then it will all work out. if not, then you will find someone else just as special someday who will love you for who you are.

 

don't worry I am going through the same sort of thing. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. Although I still believe we are meat to be, I am not letting myself focus on him only. I am going out again, having fun and taking care of myself for once. A huge weight has lifted from me ...I have realised I don't NEED him to be happy.

 

You will be happy again....I guarantee it.

 

All the best

 

Luxe x

[The Morrigan]

Hon - he's not a child. It sounds like he's trying to blame you for some of his poor decisions and choices at this point just because you were there to support him regardless of what he did. No, you weren't wrong - but it seems now he's waking up to not being in the place in life he was hoping to be, and you became his scapegoat to avoid taking responsibility for his own actions.

 

In short, I hate to say it, but he needs to grow up.

 

Sadly, he's not going to do that with all the love and support you've offered him. You're not his keeper, and until he's gotten enough perspective to realize just how much you did support him, he's not going to be able to appreciate it, from the looks of things. Hard as it may be, you're gonna have to let him find his own way, even if he flounders around for a while. This is something he's got to deal with himself and make his own choices - and you're gonna have to let him go for now to do just that.

 

Treat it as if it is over for good - get your feet back under you, get yourself emotionally strong again and independent - and when you have new perspective from that point, it'll be easier to take a really good look at the whole relationship and decide then if this is something you want to go back to, regardless of if he comes back or not. At this point you really do need to put yourself first, your feelings, your mental and emotional health, and work on being confident in yourself that you did the best you could with what you had at the time. If there's anything you'd do differently in a similar situation - you've gained some valuable experience. We learn a LOT more from our mistakes than from our achievements, so nothing is ever wasted completely.

[Crushed]

Morrigan,

Thank you for your fantastic reply.

 

This is great advice and deserves to be bumped so others can read it.

[chriscarlander]

As of now I realize that I can't talk to him because he just keeps blaming me for all his problems.

 

He's using you as an excuse for his failings, or he's found a way of breaking up with you that suits him. In either case, it's over. Walk away and find something better!

 

Sounds as though he has some anger in him. and andger = passion.

 

I don't think anger = passion. Passion is passion in its own right. anger is strong, but nothing short of selfdestructive. So is jealousy. Some people say that jealousy is good for the relaionship, makes it stronger. That's a load of BS.

 

Although I still believe we are meat to be, I am not letting myself focus on him only. I am going out again, having fun and taking care of myself for once. A huge weight has lifted from me ...I have realised I don't NEED him to be happy.

 

Maybe you don't need 'him' but looking for some qualities that he had? Sometimes the wrappers can look the same but the contents are better! =)

 

Treat it as if it is over for good - get your feet back under you, get yourself emotionally strong again and independent

 

Your no good to anyone unless your ok with yourself. Even if this ain't over, is it really worth being with someone like this? There are much better people out there!

 

[Spartan1]

Hi Kynard,

 

I haven't got much time but will offer what advice I can.

 

Often, in order to end a relationship a person will lay the blame on their partner. They will seek reasons to end it and if that person does not accept those reasons they will often resort to blaming them for their change in their feelings.

 

Unfortunately I know the feeling all to well. When someone, one day just turns round and says they do not love you anymore. It is a bitter pill to swallow and it hurts like crazy.

 

The only solution is to step out the situation. Talking over the relationship with your ex is going to only make him back off more and more. You need time and space.

 

When someone feels out of love, they see the situation completely different from those still in love. They see it very much in the third person perspective, outside looking in, being able to see where all the problems were and so on. The person in love, in this case yourself and in my situation, me, will not see those problems, we look past them because we are in love.

 

If your ex has fallen out of love you have to give him space and cut contact. You need time away from him, so you can gather together your own thoughts and begin to re-build yourself.

 

Due to my own break-up, I know that in future, if f I am ever unlucky enough to be in situation were a girlfriend/wife in the future turned round and said they do not love me, I would get out there quick and just leave them to it rather than waste months feeling like mud at the bottom of someone elses boot.

 

In the end, you have to do what you feel is right.

 

Personally, I would stay calm and walk away. Get out and about as you are doing and if he chooses to blame you just nod your head in a "yes dear" agreement or shrug your shoulders and leave him to it.

 

Nothing gets on an ex's nerves more than to see their the partner they have dumped all happy, carefree and not particularly bothered if they are around or not.

 

I wish you all the best.