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How does one deal with NPD?


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I've known for a while now that my older brother has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). I know because since he has entered puberty he's...


...integrated and talked about himself in most (if not all) of the conversations he's participated in.


...constantly seeked attention from everyone in the immediate vicinity of him.


...become easily angered at the most minuscule of misunderstandings (A.K.A. "blowing things out of proportion") and refused to admit that he is/was wrong in anything recent.


...resorted to invasion of personal space and other inappropriate measures in order to gain my attention should I ignore him for being rude and/or inconsiderate in the first place.


...made up embarrassing lies about and publicly humiliated me since we were both kids.


...frequently talked about how much smarter he is than most people.


...made continuously bad decisions in his life causing my saint-like parents to feel more stress than necessary.


...repeatedly tempted fate in various situations where my parents and other various people have warned him otherwise.


...shown anger and immediate defensiveness at any critique given to him.


..shown an exhausting amount of inconsideracy and selfishness in his everyday-actions.


He was recently discharged from the military for reasons that I promised my folks I would never mention in any form and is jobless seeking disability. When he does apologize, I'm convinced that it's only to make himself appear to be good in the eyes of others. I've tolerated him for the longest time now since my parents don't seem to believe that there's anything wrong with him besides a low maturity level, OCD, ADD and cainophobia (a fear of change). If my little sister and I ever confront him on the matter he resorts to yelling at the top of his lungs and involving my parents who instead point the finger at my younger sister and I stating instead that we're "jealous". Of course, it makes sense since they never seem to get tired of talking about him, praising him, and encouraging him. I've learned to shut up and tolerate his abusive ways for the longest time now but it's beginning to get to be too much as each of us gets older, and I'm at the point now where I feel as though I'm going crazy. With no one but my younger sister to talk to about it with I feel alone and misunderstood. I find living with him every day to be continuously frustrating. I've recently turned 18 and am now seeking a well established job so that I might get the opportunity to move out on my own as soon as possible.


So, my question is simple: how do you recommend that I deal with this situation? At this point, all I can do is be passive aggressive and smirk when I manage to tick him off which is like a welcomed shame. I really am at the end of my rope. I mean, I can't just walk away from the relationship; he's my brother after all. I still love him. But I don't believe in simply giving up on family unless under extreme conditions. I just want peace.



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In this case peace will come from detachment. Have the closest relationship to him that you can without letting him get to you. Maintain a distance as you need it.


Thank you for your reply, ready2heal. In this case that does seem to be the best choice. But what would you suggest that I do about his constant interference?

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