Did anyone develop clinical depression after the break-up?

[brazilgirl21]

Ok, so I had dealt with panic/anxiety for years but I never had depression. My story is really long and I'm sure a lot of you have read.

 

Anyways, after our final "break-up" about 2 months ago I became depressed. Clinically depressed. It's just not normal heartbreak but real chemical inbalance. I know I had the genes for it, and the break-up triggered this, but I was wondering how common it is for people to develop real depression after breaking up with the love of their lives?

 

It's even harder to pretend to my ex that I'm fine and happy and moving on when I'm literally ill.

[grymoire]

oh no... Brazilgirl... are you serious?

 

How do you know it is clinical depression? Was it confirmed by a doctor? Depression is a result of insufficient Serotonin in the brain.

 

Please please stick very firmly to NC for your own sake now and start taking medications. Consult with a doctor and take care of yourself. You may also choose to supplement with Fish Oils. The EPA and DHA boost the brain's neurotransmitters.

[skyblue1]

I was depressed when my ex cheated on me years ago. I couldn't eat, sleep, focus nothing i was a walking zombie. It took me a 2 years recover. SO yes it is possible it has been triggered by your breakup

[Cognitive_Canine]

My mother had to go to the hospital for severe depression. She actually experienced chest pains. This is a phenomenon in which your mind tricks you into feeling that you heart is actually breaking.

 

Their breakup was very sudden, dramatic, and made her a nervous wreck.

 

However, she slowly recovered.

[brazilgirl21]

Yes, I'm serious. I mean, I had dealt with anxiety before and took meds for it, which coincidentally, it's anti-depressants because panic is ALSO caused by insufficient Serotonin...

 

Then I had panic again around that Carnaval time and well, my therapist (she's a doctor) told me it's depression now, much more than anxiety. I just had to go back on them... =[ I had been med free and perfectly fine for years.

 

I really don't want people to think that I'm screwed up and weak, although I feel screwed up and weak.

[coldplay.]

Depression runs in my family, ive resisted it most of my life, but after my breakup i was devastated. Saw a therapist for months, was on anti-depressants and was diagnosed with clinical depression, accompanied with a ton of anxiety i might add.

 

So ill say yes, but ill also that it does pass, just gotta take every day at a time.

 

I agree with the fish oil, i found out soon that i didnt like the side effects of the meds so i took things into my own hands.

 

I started taking 2-3000 milligrams of fish oil a day, which has been proven to decrease depression, i got out side more often!!! so important, thats why they call it a "rainy" day because our bodies respond positively to bright lights, its a form of therapy actually, and finally i began to exercise regularly, at first it was hard but things got better. Between all three things which are proven to decrease depression, i felt better, as a matter of fact a few universities are studying this kind of therapy vs. traditional medication and therapy and are having identical results, minus the side effects and cost!

[brazilgirl21]

coldplay - same here!! My mom has severe depression and everyone always knew/believed I was stronger than her. Well, I'm definetly going to be stronger in a sense I won't let this have the best of me.

 

It's not serious, I want to kill myself depression, but it's definetly hard for me to focus on my work, job, life...

 

I'm taking 75 mg of sertralin.

[penelope13]

I know I had the genes for it

 

I am really curious to find out how you come to this conclusion.

 

BG, I am not suggesting that you might not suffer from depression. But you need to be diagnosed to be sure that it's clinical depression. As I explained before just because your depression is ongoing it doesn't necessarily have to be clinical depression, although absolutely possible.

 

My point: I would refrain from self diagnosis. I know your therapist is a doctor, so I assume she diagnosed you?

 

A comment about anxiety/ panic disorder/ clinical depression: indeed there are many overlapping symptoms and many of these disorders are linked to the same cellular pathways, yet they are still distinctively separate phenomena.

[Johnathan]

Ok, so I had dealt with panic/anxiety for years but I never had depression. My story is really long and I'm sure a lot of you have read.

 

Anyways, after our final "break-up" about 2 months ago I became depressed. Clinically depressed. It's just not normal heartbreak but real chemical inbalance. I know I had the genes for it, and the break-up triggered this, but I was wondering how common it is for people to develop real depression after breaking up with the love of their lives?

 

It's even harder to pretend to my ex that I'm fine and happy and moving on when I'm literally ill.

 

I know exactly what you're talking about. This is especially true for me as well because of the fact that my dad's side of the family has a long history of depression. So I have to keep reminding myself that it's partly due to that as well. I also have had to go thru some therapy in my past with other family members. So that stuff is not really helping my cause in recovering from my breakup. My ex was the love of my life just like yours was. Even during those rare times when I am able to get her off my mind, I just do not feel any mental equilibrium anymore. And I've been sick more times in the last 6 months than I think I was the 3 years prior. This breakup has affected me in scary ways.

[brazilgirl21]

Pen -

 

My mom had depression her whole life. She couldn't be a mom to me. I was basically raised by my dad. My dad's mom has severe depression and can't function. So I mean, genes?

[CallingAllAngels]

Yes, I was clinically depressed after I left my exhusband because of his adultry.

 

It can and does happen, and it's NOTHING to be ashamed of, anymore than you should be ashamed of heart disease.

 

It is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and that's why they give you the anti depressants. Sometimes the first one won't be the right one so it's kind of a trial and error thing. BUT DON'T GIVE UP. Take it like you're supposed to and be honest with your doctor.

 

I wish you the best.....I know how hard it is. I'm sorry.

[tulipsfav]

I know exactly how you feel, i was diagnosed with depression 2 weeks ago, i think due to the stress of work and the fact that someone i loved completely broke my heart. The feeling of rejection, not sleeping, crying for no reason, no motivation for anything. The doctor has increased my tablets which i was on for anxiety. Hopefully in time i can begin to get on with my life and feel happy and secure again. Keep us posted on how you are getting on, this forum is brilliant and helps so much. Take care

[brazilgirl21]

I'm so happy to know that others are going through the same thing. I mean, sometimes, even at ENA I felt alone because it was like, ok, everyone has a heartbreak but they are "normal" people and aren't needing medication for it.

 

However, with time I guess we have to learn that we shouldn't be ashamed of our weaknesses, and specially we have to learn to overcome this WITHOUT relying on our ex.

 

The last thing I want is my ex to find out I'm depressed.

[penelope13]

BG,

 

although genes are definitely involved in depression, none of them have been identified so far. But depression like many other psychiatric symptoms are multifactorial, both in genes and in environmental factors.

 

If your mom and other family members have clinical depression, it's possible (but not a necessity) that you have inherited the same risk genes, but it's not something that you could have known all along, especially not prior to symptoms yourself.

[Johnathan]

brazilgirl, good for you for seeing a therapist. That's something that has been suggested to me but I am absolutely scared to death to pursue again even though I know I should. It just makes it hurt even worse, you know? Because i know as soon as I get in that office that I'll cry till I can't breathe, as if I haven't done enough of that already.

[brazilgirl21]

Pen - That's true. I mean, I never, ever thought I'd have it. I remember seeing my mom letting her life pass by and I was like, no way can I feel like this. Life is amazing. It's not like I "knew" I had the genes, I thought I would escape it. My dad thought I would too because everyone says "I'm just like my dad" and not like my mom...

 

However, it doesn't mean I'll have my mom's faith. She didn't know how to fight it and I'm DEFINETLY not letting this bring me down.

 

I also know that the break-up was the TRIGGER, but like Pen said, I was in the risk pull for it and had already had panic attacks which can be a form of depression. So yes, I definetly don't blame this on my break-up, or on genes alone. Like you said, it's a mixture of biolgical, chemical, environmental, etc...

 

I was just wondering if people here at ENA experienced it while dealing with a break-up.

[Qut81]

My therapist called it "situational depression". I got like that with my ex and the ex before that. It happens. I dont agree with the medication they provide, so try the natural supplements mentioned by an earlier poster.

I really wish you happiness and remember this too shall pass.

[brazilgirl21]

Are other people completely against meds? I guess my whole family is just really pro-meds because of the fam history. I guess I just trust my doctor.

[pushforward]

Honestly, who cares what other people think? What do you feel is the best choice for you? Not what your ex thinks of you or what others perceive to be you.

 

You think you need help, so you're getting it. Do you feel like you need to be on meds to feel a certain way? Sure, you're depressed and everybody suffers from it, but other than your doctor's recommendation, do you believe you need to be on medication to get through this?

[COtuner]

I was depressed when my ex cheated on me years ago. I couldn't eat, sleep, focus nothing i was a walking zombie. It took me a 2 years recover. SO yes it is possible it has been triggered by your breakup

 

Same with me after my first relationship ended. Except all I did was sleep. I could not eat, I stopped showing up for classes at college, disappeared from my job and so on. That was for a good 3-4 months right there. Took about 2 years to get over the damage he caused to my psyche.

[brazilgirl21]

Well, I'm not a doctor so I trust the people who studied years to know what is best for me than myself? All I know is that I feel like this is taking longer to go away than normal. Also, it's not just about my ex, my life just seems meaningless.

[pushforward]

Well, I'm not a doctor so I trust the people who studied years to know what is best for me than myself? All I know is that I feel like this is taking longer to go away than normal. Also, it's not just about my ex, my life just seems meaningless.

 

Seems like you're going through a big transitional phase, however your life isn't meaningless, you're just a bit lost right now because of your breakup. It's a part of life and a chance for you to grow. You may not be a doctor, but you know better than anyone else, how do you feel? Just because you're feeling like you should be over this because the amount of time, doesn't necessarily mean you should be. There isn't a normal period amount of time for everybody to grieve.

 

You say it's not just about your ex, but your ex is a good chunk of reason behind what you feel. It's common to feel this way after a breakup, especially if you truly loved the person. You need to change your point of view, like you said, your life seems meaningless, but is it really? Maybe you're doing too much comparison to other people, what they have, what you don't have. You should take the focus off of what you don't have and truly cherish what you do have.

 

I was in a similar if not worst mind state than you were. What helped me, was knowing only I could change how I feel, I questioned everything, worked at it and I'm seeing results. Lots of knowledge out there, but knowledge is nothing unless it's applied.

[brazilgirl21]

The thing is, I have absolutely EVERYTHING going on for me.

 

I have an amazing family. The best father in the whole world. A mother who loves me, despite her own weaknesses. I have the cutest, smartest, loveliest little sister who completely looks up to me. I have a stepmom who's probably as great as a stepmom can be.

 

I'm lucky enough to have everything I need in a material way, I don't have to worry about financial problems. I had an amazing education that let me to learn another language fluently since I was a child. I have childhood friends who are like brothers and sisters to me.

 

I've travelled the whole world, I've lived in L.A. for a Summer, I've lived in Cannes, France for a few months, I've lived in London for 1 year. I was a happy kid, I absolutely ADORED school and still miss those days.

 

I have a new circle of friends from university and the city I live in now that are absolutely amazing. I have two aunts and cousins who live in the city I now live who are completely supportive to me and that I can always count on if I feel alone.

 

I work at a top advertising agency and have amazing bosses. I love my work and my work environment, even though I can't seem to concentrate on any of it right now.

 

I graduated university early and am about to get my second bachelor's degree at age of 21/22. I was preparing to apply to business schools and move to the US to pursue a business education and live abroad for a few years before I settle and get married.

 

I've had the best first boyfriend any girl could ask for. Literally. Perfect first love, perfect first time, perfect friend, perfect relationship. Equal. No emotional drama. No lack of respect. A guy who gave me the world and made me the best person I could be.

 

That's my problem. I have everything, I don't know why I'm not happy. I don't know why I'm stuck in this. I have NO idea why I feel this way.

 

I have three "dark" spots in my life:

 

- The fact that I never really had a mom, I had a friend, but I was more my mom's mom because she was so depressed and unhappy. She even had problems with alcohol and drugs, and I mean, she had everything going on for her too. I never understood how she could be so unhappy. I've never drunk or did drugs and will NEVER do it because I know they are the reason my mom couldn't get out of her "whole".

 

- When I was 16 I stupidly enough tried weed, even though I know how terrified I am of drugs/alcohol and a full-blown panic attacks. That's when my life without anxiety/panic and now depression started. Prior to that I had NO worries.

 

- The fact that I broke up with my boyfriend last year because of GIGS. Like you all can see, I regret this decision every day of my life because I lost him forever for wanting to experience more. Ridiculous.

 

I could go on and on about how great my life is and has been, but I just can't seem to see a future. I feel empty, scared, and like it's all meaningless.

 

Part of me thinks about contacting my ex, and that maybe he is what I need. However, deep, deep down, I know that it's not about him. It's about me finding my way out of this alone.

[cookiedough1]

just my .02 cents as someone in the medical field about depression:

 

there are generally 3 types of depression:

1) reactive (like after a breakup)

2) neurotransmitter-related (based on serotonin, dopamine, norepi concentrations)

2) reactive that turns into neurotransmitter

 

My guess is that you would need to figure out if you fall into #1 or #3.

People that usually fall into #2 are depressed and can't express a clear reason why.

 

I only suggest seeing a doctor because I have seen how antidepressants have truly changed the lives of many people. Either way, the doctor can at least reassure you in your feelings and tell you that there's nothing wrong with you if he does not prescribe meds.

[brazilgirl21]

cookie - Since I have some family history of depression and had panic attacks when I was younger that already made me need medication, I guess in my case it was neurotransmitter-reactive? It's like, I had a predisposition, and this break-up triggered the depression and now it's neurotransmitter again? Although I would argue that my first "panic attack" can also be considered reactive because it was after I tried weed. (biggest mistake in my life).

 

Basically I think I'm not one of those people who are going to let go and give up on a bed, but I definetly have problems when I fear I am losing control (i.e. drugs, not having control over my ex's feelings...). I'm just a type A person and I want to have everything under control. However, this love thing, we have no control over. It scares me I think.