ok girls come and read this post

[Wiediam]

Hi girls i just want to know your opinion about my ex and how should i handle her so i can get her back.so if you can help much much appreciated

well just got dump 1 month ago after 7 month relationship only cause mostly misunderstanding and argument. but not all of it some of it also my mistake. my ex is very stubborn girl, selfish, very smart in covering her feelings. she's really hate me now and i think she's just ill feel right now so she doesn't want to be with me anymore. she just got a new bf about 1 week ago. well to tell u the truth i still care for her and miss her and i try all my best expressing this feeling (letters, sms, calling her and seeing her) but all this thing make her anoyed. she's been busy right now working, going to uni and when week end come she went clubbing with her friend. do you think she's really over about me ???? well try pleading and begging but all didn't work. so what the best plan girls ???? is been 1 week "no contact" now but is just seem it is not the thing for her since she really ignore me. i got a good plan acctualy, i will go clubbing next week with my friends and they all planning to match me with a girl this is to make her think that i've move on and maybe this plan will lure her back to me. so do you think is a good idea please response ADVISE NEEDED.

[dasbin]

disclaimer: i'm a boy, not a girl.

 

first, it's wrong, terribly wrong, to use other people for the purpose of gaining back an ex.

 

secondly, continue with the no contact. if she really doesn't care about you at this point, like you seem to suspect, then no she won't contact you. but if that was the case, you really shouldn't want her back anyway - just focus on getting over her. you would NEVER be able to change how she feels about you if it's something so basic as that. if she does care about you, the only way to find out for sure is to wait, however darn long it takes, until she contacts you.

[sammi]

hi. Listen, I know what I am talking about. I am just like her, DO NOT CHASE HER!!!!!! NO matter how hard it is. Casually call once in awhile, keep a friendship thing up. Be coy and smooth and sly. Tell her you have moved on also. I dont care what anyone tells you, lovce is a game. atleast for the first couple years until it becomes true love. It is human nature to seek what we do not have. If she knows she got you on your knees game over. I've broken my share of hearts and had my heart broken. And everytime I was hurt it was because I chased. And everytime I broke someone elses heart it was because they wouldnt give me time and space. I would tell her straight out."listen im here for you but I am not playing these games anymore, im moving on, good luck, i hope you find what your looking for but dont expect me to sit and wait." Beleieve me it may take awhile but shell be back around and if she isnt, then you still win because youve learned to move on. Girls, women, love confidence. If you have confidence it doesnt matter how much money you have or how good looking you are, confidence and a sense of humor are what will getyou the girl. Be strong. Hope this helps somewhat????Take care, Sami

[Wiediam]

well i understand now love is just a game. what do you think about my plan ???? sometime i just don't get it and the important thing is i'm not really sure why do we broke up but it happens already so it doesn't concern me. but one thing that concern me is that i want get her back. if i contact her she become cold and always be me who do the talking she just listen without saying a word the only thing that come out from her mouth is yes and no that's it. so it's difficult for me to cope with her esspecially now she got a new bf. she always listen to her friend never listen from her inner self this is also the trouble esspecially her friends is a drama queen if a have to say they all a B@#$@ you know what. i care so much for her because when i was with her she's a nice and caring gf but everytime she hangout with her friends she change that's y i hate her friend so much. but i love her so much care and can't express my feeling since she won't listen anymore. now i can only write letter to her and don't even dare to call her. here are my recent letter which i haven't post to her yet:

 

Dear ****,

 

It is very important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes. But since we are physically separated by miles of emptiness, this expression must come in the form of letters such as this.

From the first time I saw you, I was attracted to you. But boy! Never have I regretted a moment spent with you! But as I start being distracted with straightening my future, I forgot about the important person by my side, you.

Were I able to travel back in time, I would go back to the moment I met you again, and start all over. This time I have an understanding on what needs to be done and what makes you happy. We are only human, and as human we can't do that. But the next best thing that can be done is let me do what I would do if I had that other option now. Let me love you as you should be loved and take care of you for the rest of your life. To see all the places we talked about, and to grow old together. To take care of you when you are sick or be there when you just need a shoulder. I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.

Our love has been assaulted many times, and I am convinced that it is true because the longer I am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again.

I cherish any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be.

Well, I guess I've said enough for the time being. ****, have a wonderful day and, hopefully, I'll see you again real soon. If you get a chance, write me and tell me your thoughts.

 

Until I hear from you, take care of yourself.

 

Always,

 

 

****

 

Love

 

Love is patient

love is humble

love is not selfish

love is honest

love doesn't keep people mistake

love doesn't rejoice in inquity but rejoice in the truth

love bears all thing

love believe all thing

love hope all thing

love endures all thing

love never fail

 

what do you think advise anyone ???????????????????????????

[lisaria]

Hey Wiediam, whatever you do, don't send that email to her. She'll see it as a sign of weakness not one of strength and we women like strong men. I know it is so much easier to tell someone else what to do, I can't seem to take my own advice and leave my ex alone. But it will get us both nowhere to keep chasing after them. Take a break. I am. It just hurts worse when they ignore us or treat us bad and I'm getting a little tired of that right now. Do whatever it takes to leave her alone.

[emma]

I totally agree with the post by lisaria, do not send this letter unless you want to widen the gap that already exists between you and her. She will take this as sign a weakness, she might dismiss it as soon as she will have read it. Sending this letter is chasing her, you're basically telling her that you would do anything for her, that you're all hers... You're not giving her any incentive to miss you.

 

In this letter you're trying to convince her that you love her... she already knows this. You're trying to convince her that you too will get back together, and that when it will happen you will do whatever it takes to keep her. That's not what she wants. Very few girls want this. Very few guys want this either.

 

It is actually human nature to want what we don't have, what is a challenge to get. Humans never care for things/persons as much as when they feel they have lost them.

[Wiediam]

so you saying that is better not to send her anything ??????? just leave her alone. I can't understand when I leave her alone how can she miss me when she got this new guy in her live. I confused today is her birthday don't know what to do?????? I make my own birthday card for her and I really want to give it to her but after reading your post just make me unstable should I send it shouldn't I ??????????? well any more suggestion ????????????? what about the plan to go clubbing with other girls to show her I've move on.

the last day we met is the worst she told me is over no chance at all but acctually i love her so i told her ok if it's over that's fine hope we still be friend and all the best for you, have fun then she said ok until now there's no news from her at all. so sad I love her so much. if she only knew that.

even I make mistake in our relationship but that's only human nature never ever I have itention of cheating on her at all everyone think that I'm to nice and you can't be to nice but if i do the opposite way then the result would still be the same. Girl y can't you understand my position

[emma]

You can send her a very quick note saying 'I just thought of saying happy birthday. Take care', that's it, something pretty unpersonal, without emotions, in an e-mail preferably.

 

It's hard to understand why she will miss you when you don't contact her, but that's how it is, that's simply how it is. That's human nature, even if she is with a new guy. Humans are like this, they miss what they don't have and what they're losing, the less you are around for now, the more she will miss you.

 

Why not trying, since anything else has failed? You have nothing to lose in doing so... Oh, and go clubbing if you feel like it, but do it for yourself, but I don't think that hooking up with a girl in front of her right now would be very credible, and I don't think that it's fait to the other girl. Why not just going with your friends and this girl and just have fun without hooking up with her on purpose?

[Wiediam]

Is hard i know to go through all these. heard all the stories"all the ex in her live never get back together with her". that's is y can i change that ???? cause it hurts me so much to see her with new bf. when she said no she meant it very well. you know sometimes when we think as a men in a mind game girls can have an advantages ussually when they have a new guy in their life we as men tend to be jaelous. but do you think it will be the same way if I have done the same thing in my situation ????? is just a game to lure her back in my trap. I guess

[Wiediam]

I've been thinking lately is been 2 weeks since we have contact. She already have a new bf can't seem to understand y ????? everyone say she seems happy now. I understand now that y she left me cause she feel I'm to fragile that I can't be independent and always need her. she doesn't like this she need someone that can be strong in her view. I don't know how but I'll try I still love her no matter what but is seems everything is againts my way don't know what to do ?????

[lisaria]

Hey Wiediam, it is so very hard. Not knowing what they are doing and knowing that whatever it is, it's not with us. My guy has been out of my life for exactly 6 weeks today. I've not contacted him in 10 days. 8 days for him. I know that he has a new g/f. He was talking to her even before we split up. That hurts the most. I know that I contributed to the breakup by becoming so clingy when I felt him pull away. I will learn from it and you will learn from this. It is a horror just getting through some days. I put one foot in front of the other and hope I make it. Other days I'm ready to bash his head in for being so damned stupid. Then there are the days when I just know he's going to call and I plan out everything I'm going to say. Those are the worst because of course he doesn't call. Why should he? He's got a new girlfriend who is probably so much more than I am and his big promotion at work. Life is going great for him, I'm the one left behind with nothing. It just seems so unfair how things got much better for him after he dropped me. Why would he want me back? his life is just dandy. I know that there are better things waiting for me, or so I keep telling myself, and that one day it will be alrite. I just have to get through today and tomorrow and the next day and on and on. It will get better. It already is a little bit. Your's will get better. It has to. Can you think of anything that is better since she left you? You can hang out with your buddies when you want to. Or maybe you can watch sports all day today if you want. You don't have to worry about anyone but you now. Focus on you. Hang in there. Good luck.

[Wiediam]

well girls,

 

try the no contact for awhile about 1.5 weeks then start sms her at first this is what i said: are you preparing to go to work ??? then she reply no just finished eating. y do you ask ???? the i reply back nothing just asking. couple of days later i sms her back but no reply until one day i sms her telling her just sms you cause i've been thingking about you. then i call her that afternoon we have a short conversation it was alright she calm down now. i can hear it from her voice

 

but i'm willing to fight but slowly ?? so any good tips for next step ????? i don't even know this is working or not ?? but i'm willing to take the risk cause i love her that's why i want to fight.

[GeeCee]

Got to be honest, I did not read your letter that you are planning to send to your ex. Slow down and think about it. You have said that you have done the begging, pleading, calling etc. and she does not respond in any favourable way. Why do you think a letter will be different. I would suggest that you do not send the letter.

 

Someone posted earlier in this thread that love is just a game. I entirely agree. It is all a game. We play, they play. Sometimes we are all playing the same game, and hey, that's great. Sometimes we are not. You and you ex, and currently playing in different arenas. At the moment, she is enjoying what she is doing. A letter from you will not stop that enjoyment. At the bottom of your thread you say that love is patient. Believe me, this is the part that I find the hardest. But you have to be patient. You have to allow her the space she needs and them see if she comes back.

 

I think that you have to wait until you are able, emotionally, to deal with the rejection she might throw at you. But once you are, a little contact initiated by you would be fine. But you need to sound upbeat, happy, confident. No questions, no discussion about the past relationship.

 

Now as to your plan. I will tell you straight. I think it sucks. Playing games is all good, with two people who know the context in which the game-playing is done. But to involve and use someone else sucks. Be careful playing with others' feelings. This is not a good move. You will do whatever you think is best. But be careful.

 

The bottom line - I have played and been played - I have broken hearts and recently had my heart broken. None of this is intentional - it's a cycle of life, I guess. But don't involve others.

 

Stop chasing her - it will not guarantee that she will come back. But it might just stop her moving further away from you. Space is what she needs. You need to realise that this is going to be incredibly difficult for you - it will hurt really bad, but at the moment she is not going to stroke your ego. Only you can start to build up your confidence and self-esteem, and this site is a good forum for that. Many people are on here working through their own pain, but willing to help others at the same time.

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[Wiediam]

well nothing i can do right now accept waiting and try a contact by calling her and sms her but a part from that nothing much cause i don't really know what she feels and especially now she has someone new but is hard for me to go with the flow but i'm willing to do it ?? things that make it even hard is how to talk with her how express my feeling in a different kind of way showing her i care and really do love her. i just hope this will twist the situation a bit and make her think slowly. not sure working or not cause she's very stubborn once she say no it will be no is just like she rejecting her self. but i don't really care about that what i care is that i do love her and i want to show her that from carring trying to make her think.