sammi

my 25 year old brother killed himself last year. I beg you to not do it. Get medication, sek counceling. It can help I promise. Life is hard. It almost killed my mother when he did it and I ache inside every day. I miss him and cry on his headstone for not being able to help him. I should have seen the signs, I will forever feel guilty for him dying. Talk to your sister, talk to a docotr, goto a clinic. Days are brighter. I promise you. He killed himself over his job lose and his girlfriend leaving him. One week after he died he got a job offer in the mail and a girl he had been friends with for awhile told me she was in love with him all along but scared to say something. Now it is too late. He will never have those chances. When you are young, younger, it seems life is unfair. it is, you have health though and you hve time on your side. please look to the sun, not the clouds. Suicide is not a choose, it is an answer to a problem when all the options have been exhausted. Have you exhausted all your options? Have you talked to family and friends and doctors?have you tried meds? therapy? How about takingyour pain and helping someone else. Become a grief councler, goto school to help understand what makes people feel the way you do so noone else must suffer. BUT please, dont leave your sister crying on your headstone in the middle of winter. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I didnt help my brother, I hope something I write one of these days will help someone else.

PS. Happy belated birthday. Mines this month too. (I seen it on your profile) 8)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to me. I have a 15 year old son and it scares me to death that he too will feel like you. Depression runs in my family and last year my beautiful 25 year old brother shot himself in the head. There is nopain in the world like losing someone you love to suicide. IT is a permanant fix to a temporary situation. PLEASE. Listen. I grew up in an abusive household. My parents had me when they were 15. They were the biker type, hard liven, you know what I mean. My mom had remarried a couple times and my siblings were taken away to live with their dad. My mom reunited with my own father which was absolute hell. My dad beat my mother and me. He was drunk all the time, broke everything in the house. He cheated on my mom, tried to run her over with a car, stabbed the neighbor guy when he tried to help her. PLEASE. I need you to know that the feelings you have will go away. I wanted to die so bad when I was 16. I got pregnant at 18 and split home. I lived here and there for years. I went on public assistance and lived however I could to support my baby. Over the years I worked, went to college part time struggled and made it. I met a great guy. I have a very normal life now. YOU WILL TOO!!!! Thething you need to rememeber about your childhood is it will be over someday soon. You will be on your own. I NEVER think back to those days now. I forgave my dad, I love my mother to death, but I miss my brother terribly. Maybe when you die, you go to heaven, maybe if you kill yourself you go to hell, who knows???!?!??!? THere are a million theories but what if there is NOTHING. NOTHING at all. Your just gone. So all the pain you experience now was for nothing, you didnt get to grow from it, learn from it or show everyone how great you could be. You can not control your parents or your childhood but you can control your future. Start thinking now about what you would really like to do, makea plan on how to get there. DONT stop for anything! You will not just hurt your parents or "show them" by killing yourself, you are doing what they are doing....robbing yourself of your future. Please please please, I made it thru hell, im stronger for it. I am an independent woman not without scares but I made it. There are times I want to give up still but I keep going. My whole family looks at me now and says" wow, im so proud of you." I dont even care that they are proud of me, I care that I proved everyone wrong. In school I was chubby and not popular, at home I was nobody. I am now slim, pretty and smart. It happens baby, trust me. Hold on. Just hold on. I am still going to college, one degree wasnt enough, now im in my 30s and back at it again. I will break the cycle of the life I had, I will give my children more than I had, I will survive. I will not end up like my brother, who God rest his soul, just ....gone. I will win for the both of us and you will too. Promise me youll be strong. =Rock on baby, Rock on........

hi. Listen, I know what I am talking about. I am just like her, DO NOT CHASE HER!!!!!! NO matter how hard it is. Casually call once in awhile, keep a friendship thing up. Be coy and smooth and sly. Tell her you have moved on also. I dont care what anyone tells you, lovce is a game. atleast for the first couple years until it becomes true love. It is human nature to seek what we do not have. If she knows she got you on your knees game over. I've broken my share of hearts and had my heart broken. And everytime I was hurt it was because I chased. And everytime I broke someone elses heart it was because they wouldnt give me time and space. I would tell her straight out."listen im here for you but I am not playing these games anymore, im moving on, good luck, i hope you find what your looking for but dont expect me to sit and wait." Beleieve me it may take awhile but shell be back around and if she isnt, then you still win because youve learned to move on. Girls, women, love confidence. If you have confidence it doesnt matter how much money you have or how good looking you are, confidence and a sense of humor are what will getyou the girl. Be strong. Hope this helps somewhat????Take care, Sami