THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[xmen777]

I'm avoiding her too because I was too helpful and always there for her. Last time I begged her to reconsider, which was a bad thing. I won't beg any more.

[skheehee]

Day 12

 

I'm still feeling the same. Angry, mad, confused. I want answers, but I probably won't know. Maybe never.

 

I hope all of this goes away. It'll be later rather than sooner. I don't want to hurt anymore.

[xmen777]

Another problem I had was my ex was emotionless most times.. that didn't help us. I want answers too, I still don't know why it happened, only that it's not my fault at least.

[brickheart]

Day 8.

 

This is really hard. He's on the dating website more and more these days. I know I am, too, but it's hard because he wasn't before. Maybe he's lonely, as I am. I know I need to stop looking, but it's so hard. SO hard. This is my last connection to him.

[ConfusingEx]

day 5, pretty much the same as the other days, missing my ex more and more, i miss her even more now after hour 2h30min conversation at 3am yesterday, it was soo good to hear her voice, and just talk, she sent me a couple of messages today thanking me for the chat cause she really needed to talk to someone, i havent heard from her since, my guess is shes probable talking to her BF today, i dunno whether to feel used or feel special that she contacted me in her time of need, she is online i know that cause she plays a game that i havent been able to really log onto since we split as it just looks suspicious that id go on and off checking if shes online, she said that she started playing it with her BF who has no interest in the game, i said to her that he'd prolly get bored and you would end up playing alone as he has other games he'd rather play, she said hes just playing to spend time with her, hes not that type of guy to hang around never has been wish she could see it other peoples way.

 

she messaged yesterday telling me that she needs to make friends, and get out and socialize more, i dont know what to do, i dont wanna message, but i also want to tell her well we can always spend time together, i know that would just end up in some kinda of heated discussion like oh thats not appropriate or that would be weird. i want to spend time with her but i also want it to be while she is single, theres that in between us now, if it wasnt who knows she may or may not feel a connection with me again if we spent some time going out and doing things. i have a weekend planned to do some stuff in the city, im going by myself, id love to ask her but it would break the NC, and she would prolly say no anyway.

 

im feeling angry atm and pretty much close to crying my eyes out, i dont know why, i had some contact with her it was good didnt end bad at all, i found out information that may or maynot be good, they are having issues and she calls me.. i feel good that she called me, but also angry that if it just cause she was using me.

 

g3m1nn1 i got that same thing atm, had contact from her, and now my mind is all on impress mode, do this do that, try do everything i can and i can feel im being pushy not that ive said any of it to her, just i feel if i was to talk to her again id go start rambling everything in my head and start making the conversation weird by blurting out my opinions on us, them and going out on the weekend. im not expecting any calls ever again from her.

 

xmen i have that same problem, as i was told "im too caring, i over react about everything and that i take things too far and smother her" i try to everything for her so she doesnt have to, im always in her space and wanting to do anything so she doesnt need to i always have and i also begged, that just went down really bad, its hard to not beg when u really want that chance again, im finding it hard to find a way to just be myself and let things happen, soon as i get wind that she might be talking to me i tend to take it the wrong way and overthink it, thinking oh yes shes talking to me now she must want to sort things out, and i end up bringing up stuff that i shouldnt. its really hard, getting answers is a time thing i think, i pushed for answers and got a brick wall told to get lost and dont talk to her, now that im sitting back and letting her do the contact im slowly finding things out, that i wanted to know.

 

skheehee, sorry to hear you feeling angry and mad, i know the feeling we want answers and no one will give them, if we find out will it help, i dunno, i get information from my ex about what she didnt like about me, if i worked on them would she come back to me if they were sorted, or are we just hoping for too much.

 

brickheart, thats really tough, i cant imagine what its like to be on the same site, knowing they are too, looking for someone else, when all it would take is for them to look at us. if they want someone why cant they just choose us

[needadvic12]

I'm starting today. We had a long talk this weekend in which I told him that I don't want anymore negative interactions between us, and for now I am not going to talk to him at all. He was sad, but ok with it. I am worried that he'll try to contact me because he wants me to sign separation papers and wants it to be notarized...but I'm just going to wait and see.

[g3m1nn1]

C.E., you have no idea how much i can relate. the sh** is crazy, questioning everything, overanalyzing and all that stuff. its not good behavior i know, so i try not to do it too much, but like you said don't wanna come off as pushy and all, so i guess the best thing to do is what Al Turtle calls "mirroring" look it up. The way I see it is, I am gonna be the same way as she is, not talking about strategizing or anything just let it go with the flow, i am now saying if she contacts me fine, great, but i know that sometime today to tomorrow i 'll be thinking: should i contact her or not, I know over thinking stuff, so every time that happens i gotta tell myself again and again, do what feels right. But what I am trying to say is I think we are not there yet, where random contact would not be explained as pushy, you know what i mean?

 

As for answers which we sometimes want, look at it this way: if you have said what you wanted to say than thats it. Its been posted somewhere in this forum that no one owes you an explanation. Which is kind of right when i look at it. The explanation lies within ourselves, so what I am trying to do, is analyze me, and figure out what i did wrong or whatever that caused this situation, and work on that. I know i am repeating myself, but what I am getting at is that if we do that then maybe down the line when we talk to our exes we can bring up the topic what we have been working and improving and perhaps they will open up also. Does that make any sense?

 

Weird thing that is on my mind today is, asking myself will i receive a call or something, where she will sugest that we meet up and then she will tell me, that what happened happened and that we should go on with our lives or something like that, damn i am babling.

 

The thing is I will probably see her on Thursday, because I am working on this project where I have to go to my ex job to record some voice overs and she could be there or not, because i dont know her work schedule, but anyway i keep picturing in my head how that will come out, i know i gotta keep it together and act natural and i plan to do that, its just weird you know.

 

And what goes in my mind is: was this just a check up out of courtesy or what. Over thinking stuff? Yes.

[xmen777]

Yes confusingex, that's why I didn't contact her. I'm letting her settle down with her thoughts and eventually hopefully come to the right conclusion..

And I hope she sees that I'm willing to give her all the space she needs, even if it hurts.

[ConfusingEx]

g3m1nn1, u got all the answers lol, yeah im trying to go with the flow, if she calls me then i'll be happy to talk to her, if she doesnt, i will be sad but i cannot sit around and wait by the phone so to speak, im going and doing my own things on the weekend, i know its stuff she would maybe like to do, if she mentions anything about getting out and socializing i may bring up that im going to the city for the day to get away from the house.

 

im not expecting any answers, like u said it lies within ourselves, i know ihave my own faults and im working on them, whether its the ones that she sees and doesnt like we'll never know till she lets me know, im not going to force her to tell me, or even ask, it will come up in conversations sooner or later, i just hope its one that goes something like "if we can work on blah" then we might be able to give it another shot.

 

i have to admit knowing they are having issues and her telling him its not going to work being so far apart, does give me a real mixup in my head, but im fighting that urge to think YES is happened now i can make my move, im not like that, im just going to go with the flow, and hope something happens.

 

i hope on thursday if u do come accross ur ex that its pleasant and doesnt mess anything up i know we all hope to see our ex's etc but things just have a habit of coming out when we dont even expect it.

 

im feeling really depressed atm, i seem to be going down hill and i dont know why, nothing has happened, i havent heard anything from her, im just surfing the net, and i feel myself just getting worse.. i cannot explain it. my head is atm calm, i think of her every now and again but im not obsessing.

 

my friend has gone to bed so i cant chat with him, its 2am and people are usually asleep for me to call anyone, and im not ringing my ex like she did because im feeling depressed.

 

this site really needs a chatroom for real time chat lol.

 

xmen yeah, giving her space has worked for my i guess, not contacting her she has gone and contacted me which is suprising after everything. so space and time will heal, it does hurt. but we are all here

 

i ramble to much.. everything just comes out of my head jumbled

[g3m1nn1]

CE, theory is great but practicing all those advices I have read and all its a whole another story, you know.

As for a situation and problems your ex is having with her "what's it called", yes go with the flow, but keep in mind don't push it and don't get your hopes up, because as you know hopes can really mess a person up.

 

Off topic: Where are you, cuz 2am you gotta be far away from Europe

 

I do hope the possible coming accross my ex is pleasant, but right now if I even try to play it in my head i don't know how I should react, probably as natural as I can, i guess I will see how she reacts and we will take it from there. I don't kow why i am nervous, 'cause from the start that I have know her, I could always be myself and not pretending and all, I don't know.

[ConfusingEx]

yeah i trying to go with the flow, thats why i said i didnt want to hear anything about their relationship, that way i cant be the one blamed for anything.

 

im in Syd,Australia, im a night owl, i really shouldn' seeing as my study is 8am start lol, but i cant help it ive been like this cause my ex is a night owl for so long.

 

yeah just be urself, something im finding hard to do, cause what i think "myself" is she didnt like, but im not going to pretend to be something else, i working on my flaws, thats going to have to be good enough for her, if not then her loss. ouch that hurt to say.

 

everyone keeps telling me just be urself she'll see that and see how different i am to this other person, and that she will see that our relationship was something that should of been worked on not just dumped and move on.

 

hard sooo hard to go day by day, ups and downs, atm im going down, i hope i stop soon.. its really not good, im at the point where i'll message my ex just to get any reply. and i dont want to

[g3m1nn1]

So i guess being ourselves but improved is the best solution Oh well, I guess it all comes down to being calm and positive and I guess then all that follows will be natural.

Let's just not over think stuff and situations and assume what we do not know and we should all be fine.

 

Alright Sydney, Down Under. And somehow i instantly connect it with this song link removed and i just wanna go down

 

Yes there a lot of waves, they come and go, so just hold tight

 

p.s. Chat room is not gonna happen, so alternatives

[NjoyStick]

Day 27, just got out of work and again didn't really think about her, got other people on my mind and i don't really care that much anymore at the moment!

 

She walked out on me so why bother?

If she's happy with her new guy then fine, go be happy with your honeymoon stage!

[ConfusingEx]

lol classic song

 

yeah i think from what i was in our relationship, to what has changed with me.

 

i dont spend alot of time playing video games like i used to

i dont sit at home and just watch TV

i dont just let things go with a *shrug*

i dont forget i have friends that i can spend time with.

 

things i do now.

go out whenever i can

cannot stand to be inside for a long time

i think about my ex, and our relationship every moment we spent together(this is probable what i got wrong along time ago, i got too comfortable and forgot how much my ex meant to me) this i regret

i spend time with friends that i hadnt seen in over 8 years since i did get together with my ex

i do nothing but think how i can spend my next day or find something to do.

 

if i had money id go on a vacation, far far away.

 

i need a distraction

[ConfusingEx]

NjoyStick good to hear that you are getting through it easier

 

exactly she walked out on you

 

i agree with you on the if shes happy be happy in the honeymoon phase, as i said in a previous post, we are taking the time to heal, they are just trying to forget it quickly and fill it with something else, but it will hit them one day.

 

i think thats where my ex is atm. she wants to be happy with this guy but she knows its not goin to be as easy as she thought and is thinking whats the point its just too hard, and looking to me for comfort, shes maybe realizing maybe i am the person she feels comfortable with the most. i hope.

[g3m1nn1]

Thats great, the best thing to do is to break the circle, so when you do all this different stuff, you try to keep yourself occupied. I know, thinking does and will happen no matter what u do, but try to reserve just a piece of your mind for her and the rest distract and again something i should do also.

 

As for me, my job mostly consist of sitting behind a computer so its freaking hard to go out when I am in the middle of work, but i guess when i do take a break something creative has to be done otherwise i can go nuts.

 

And atm i am thinking mostly: Ok, she is back in town, back from vacation, she is around and I am not there, Fu** me!

And I guess what i am having trouble with is not rushing into things, I want everything here and now.

 

Money doesn't buy you happiness but it sure pays for vacation , same here man.

[ConfusingEx]

yeah i understand the here and now..

 

i know their relationship will fall, i know she'll be sad, he'll just vanish and most likely not speak to her.

 

the thing is i know we'll work things out if she let it, but atm i dont think she wants to let it, i guess thats why she gets mad sometimes when things are ok when we talk then all of a sudden its getting to familiar, and she gets all mad and pulls away.

i think she is worried about letting her feeling get the better of her, because she knows shes comfortable with me, but she doesnt want to hurt him, i also want it here and now, why cant we just fast forward to the point where we know things might be ok.

 

and here i am over thinking things and getting my hopes up, i gotta stop i really do, its messing me up more then i was, i was doing ok and now im going to do things that she'd be interested in also and i just wanna ask her to come do them with me.

[NjoyStick]

Yea we can't really be bothered you know and your ex still finds comfort in you C.E. and mine just didn't want to talk to me about anything anymore...

 

But the funny things is she lied to alot of people who still don't know and those are people who only know her side of the story so she can find easy comfort in those people, but if my ex just slips one time and one person will notice it, the chance that all of those people will suddenly stand against her is pretty big!

 

She can't act her way through this forever, so whenever i hear something went bad in her life and she's crushed i will sit bak with my red wine and laugh!

[g3m1nn1]

ok, so this may be a bald move and perhaps not a good one, but sometimes you gotta go with your heart, so ask her, nonchalant approach. but be prepared for no, and if she doesnt want to do the stuff, let it go and dont over think it.

 

for her feeling that way and for her to let go just give her time, it seems like she needs it, dont push it. its hard i know but for your own good man, hang in there.

 

this is all messed up, but only if we let it. over thinking, getting hopes up. all too familiar. but in the end we are humans, so a little bit of everything is ok, but not too much.

[ConfusingEx]

Njoy yeah, people only seem to know my ex's side of things, if anyone asks i tell them my side and the information i know that she has no idea that i know, and they start to think ok, who is telling the the truth.

 

i have no reason to lie, nor to i want people thinking shes a bad person as she doesnt have many people in her life that care about her, id say myself, annnnd 1 of her friends, thats prolly about it.

 

she lied about how things happened and the timing of it all, in the end same for your ex she will slip and the people tht do care wont.

tis true they cant act this way forever and i say ACT cause we know its not our ex's and this behaviour is irrational atleast for mine anyway. i will sit back and laugh, but i will also, be there to comfort her, trying not to push anything i may think onto her and make her mad at me. im not one for i told you so, and i think she thinks thats what i'll do shes gone from loving me and knowing me to thinking everything about me is bad.

 

g3m1nn1 i will ask, im prepared for no, if she doesnt want to its no skin off my nose i was going without her anyway, im not going to push, i'll want her to come with me cause i know she wants to get out of the house, but its her choice.

 

she has all the time in the world imo to feel however she wants, i just wish it wasnt with some random guy she barely knows, that treats her like an object, and that she feels she has to defend his every action, for god knows what reason.

 

i cant believe im sitting here again, at 3am HOPING she calls. its bad for me to hope shes feeling depressed again, wth is wrong with me, i dont want her depressed.

[g3m1nn1]

I think the best thing for now would be to go to sleep

But i know how hard it is to fall asleep when there is highway inside your head.

 

As hard as it sound she has to realize that on her own, when will that be who knows. It may be sooner than you think, i don't know.

 

Lie has short feet, thats all I am gonna say...

 

I too am hoping for mine to send a msg, since i know she has a break around now at work. damn it. stop!

[Karianne]

I am back at Day 1. Silly me for trying to get you to talk to me, and then trying to play it off like it was an accidental text. I'm discovering things and digging myself a bigger hole, because even if I do find out all these things about you, the fact still remains that you don't want to be with me. I hate this.

[ConfusingEx]

i cant sleep i gotta get up early and theres noway im going to wake up

yeah highway is the word,

 

i know she will realize it on her own, im hoping for it, just dont want her to put her heart into this and it be crushed, i know she knows its not going to work shes said it to me on our call, i think its just admitting it to herself that is going to take time

 

the feeling of hoping for a message, is horrible, you know urs has a break, i know mine is awake right now playing a game, i know that his bedtime is usualy now, so shes sitting there alone with no one to talk to. just call me

 

yeah i agree STOP damnit lol.

 

wish i had someone i could just call. i so need nightowl friends.

[ConfusingEx]

karianne ;( i too have done this, i am sitting here thinking the same thing "oops that was meant for someone else", all i can say that helped me when i felt like that was to post here instead, so many times sitting looking at my phone ready to hit the send button. then i think to myself nooo i'll go ramble a bit here, maybe someone is awake to talk to.

[g3m1nn1]

CE, dude I'll be awake for hours to come, if you dont mind paying international rates

its so frustrating when we allow all this stuff to get the best of us. but the best thing to do is to do a clean cut.

 

Karianne, dont beat yourself, it happens, just deep breath and relax, dont over think, its not gonna do any good.