THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[mat347]

Broken up for three months, haven't talked to her in person for a month, NC for almost three weeks. Damn this is hard

[bebop]

Do you really want to get back with her in a relationship or is it just you ego talking to you?

 

I want her back!

[hpinky]

Day 10

 

He's been initiating a lot of contact. Calling and texting. I don't know what to do. He hasn't mentioned getting back together at all when he tries to talk to me at work and that's what I want. I don't know where this is heading and I don't know what I should do anymore. If I keep avoiding him will that just cause him to not consider it? I've mentioned where I stand in all this so he should know regardless. I dont understand dumpers really. I'm not as sad as I use to be and definitely not in need of him. He's just constantly messing with my head. Today I feel frustrated and confused!

[bebop]

Day 10

 

He's been initiating a lot of contact. Calling and texting. I don't know what to do. He hasn't mentioned getting back together at all when he tries to talk to me at work and that's what I want. I don't know where this is heading and I don't know what I should do anymore. If I keep avoiding him will that just cause him to not consider it? I've mentioned where I stand in all this so he should know regardless. I dont understand dumpers really. I'm not as sad as I use to be and definitely not in need of him. He's just constantly messing with my head. Today I feel frustrated and confused!

 

Seems like he's trying to keep hold of you, wanting to know he still has you under his "spell" by not mentioning it at work unless he's been professional and believe it shouldn't be sorted out at the workplace? I don't know if he still wants you back. I'm new to all of this myself, so not to sure what to say

 

Glad your getting through it!

[bebop]

Day 8, new record

 

Not felt the urge to break contact as much today, checked FB once or twice and noticed a new photo of her. Brought memories back for me but good ones

 

I do want to talk to her, but I believe it will just give me false hope when she replies. So I keep reminding myself how much it hurt and that NC is the best way which ever outcome occurs.

[Melting]

Day 6 for me.

 

Well he did contact me 3 days ago and I politely responded.

 

Hopefully he doesn't contact again and I can keep moving forward. Im proud of myself for not contacting him for 6days! Yippeeeeeeeeeeee

[ldes20976]

Very new to ENA. BU 10 weeks ago with limited contact (always him starting it), continues to call me honey etc. Got my stuff back this week.

Stupidly thought all these contact were a good sign, e-mailed him and asked for him back. He sent me a long reply addressed to his 'honey' continuing to tell me that he still likes me, i've done nothing wrong, he just thinks we want different things in the future. (I'd EVENTUALLY want a baby & get married & he's not so sure on the marriage) He 'fears' that if we start again it'll just end up in another BU.

This happened 9 days after he told me he loved me for the 1st time & he was beginning to talk of the future. (ALL started by him, not me). I thought he just scared himself and he'd be back - he hasn't come.

In reply to his e-mail I simply sent:

Every single event in life happens to choose love over fear

Day 1 of NC, if this is the last contact I ever have with him I'm proud. This is exactly how I feel, he's got to have a good think and if he's just scared he has an opportunity to make things right. If it's something different that he's not telling me, I wish him well in the future.

[jeepman41]

I want her back!

 

Well if you do consider this fact. Unless both of you are willing to make some changes, you may just be getting back the person you broke up with. Statistics show that people who break up and get back together seldom last unless you have an intimate discussion on what you both want out of the relationship. I'm not trying to discourage you because people do get back together every day.

 

It will require a lot of work on both parties. The thing about it now is you may know this person but you will have to learn them all over again. Give yourself some time apart from the relationship and see how you feel.

[jeepman41]

Congrats, angie!

 

Me too, Day 30. Completed the challenge. Yay.

 

I don't feel jubilant, or elated... I don't feel proud. I'm just sick of the pain and I want it to go away, aarrgghhh! I don't want him back. I want him gone, from my life, from my head. Here's to Day 60, Day 90... NC forever.

 

Congratulations of both of you for reaching day 30. I know well the struggle you both have been through. It's takes a certain amount of tenacity to implement NC and stick with it.

[bebop]

Well if you do consider this fact. Unless both of you are willing to make some changes, you may just be getting back the person you broke up with. Statistics show that people who break up and get back together seldom last unless you have an intimate discussion on what you both want out of the relationship. I'm not trying to discourage you because people do get back together every day.

 

It will require a lot of work on both parties. The thing about it now is you may know this person but you will have to learn them all over again. Give yourself some time apart from the relationship and see how you feel.

 

Thanks, I know everyones trying to help. My situation is quite different, we never were in a serious relationship I wanted something near christmas but she hurt me and eventually told me she wasn't after a relationship then we dated again in april and this time she wanted a serious relationship while i was scared she'd hurt me again so told her to leave it for now. 3 weeks later she was seeing someone else and is serious now. Its been a rollercoaster for past few months and NC is either going to make her realise what she's loosing as she did before or help me get ovver her.

 

 

Explained my situation better in this thread

 

[hpinky]

Seems like he's trying to keep hold of you, wanting to know he still has you under his "spell" by not mentioning it at work unless he's been professional and believe it shouldn't be sorted out at the workplace? I don't know if he still wants you back. I'm new to all of this myself, so not to sure what to say

 

Glad your getting through it!

 

 

Yea he tries to stay professional at work. Last night he kept texting me. I'm just going to keep my guard up and not hope for anything.

 

I hope you do well the emotional roller coaster doesnt stop

[destiny0791]

Day 10

 

He's been initiating a lot of contact. Calling and texting. I don't know what to do. He hasn't mentioned getting back together at all when he tries to talk to me at work and that's what I want. I don't know where this is heading and I don't know what I should do anymore. If I keep avoiding him will that just cause him to not consider it? I've mentioned where I stand in all this so he should know regardless. I dont understand dumpers really. I'm not as sad as I use to be and definitely not in need of him. He's just constantly messing with my head. Today I feel frustrated and confused!

 

I agree with bebop, hpinky; his ego is bruised because you have stopped contacting him and he just wants to make sure you remain under his spell. He knows how you feel about him, he's being incredibly selfish. You must keep his access to you at a minimum and not allow him to ingratiate himself into your life unless he has anything significant to say, ie, "I want to reconcile". The more you ignore him, the more it will frustrate him and he'll try harder. If you respond to his messages he'll be satisfied that you still want him; in which case he'll lose interest, back off again, and you'll be hurt all over again. You have to admit that NC on your side has certainly got his attention, right? Stay strong, don't give him what he wants until he gives you what you want!

[destiny0791]

Congratulations of both of you for reaching day 30. I know well the struggle you both have been through. It's takes a certain amount of tenacity to implement NC and stick with it.

 

Thanks, jeepman; it certainly hasn't been easy. There aren't words to describe how badly he hurt me and how much I've been missing him. NC right from the start has been for me, not to hurt him or to get him back in my life; even if he did want to come back (which he won't), I couldn't allow it because of the pain he has caused me. There's just no way I could go through it again.

[jeepman41]

Day 10

 

He's been initiating a lot of contact. Calling and texting. I don't know what to do. He hasn't mentioned getting back together at all when he tries to talk to me at work and that's what I want. I don't know where this is heading and I don't know what I should do anymore. If I keep avoiding him will that just cause him to not consider it? I've mentioned where I stand in all this so he should know regardless. I dont understand dumpers really. I'm not as sad as I use to be and definitely not in need of him. He's just constantly messing with my head. Today I feel frustrated and confused!

 

 

 

I agree with others here. I think it's just an ego thing for him. He want's to know that he can have you any time he wants you. Don't let him in your head or give him the satisfaction that he's looking for. Also sounds like he's looking for some type of validation from you. Sometimes when people break up with you they are still attached on an emotional level. Instead of using words, NC let's the other person know through deed and action that you are not going to let your emotions be messed with.

[Melting]

Day 6 and I failed.... You called me today and asked me if I would like to come over Sat night for dinner and a movie............. I said "yes"... argh.

[jeepman41]

Ok, well this is Day 7 of no contact with my ex.

 

He hasn't contacted me, he seems happy just getting on with his life without me in it, which hurts.

I have hidden him on Facebook as I am fed up of my heart jumping out of my chest when I see him update.

 

He dumped me, and has completely broken who I am. I have nearly bailed in this no contact, so this is where I will come next time I nearly fail.

I hope he'll start to miss me and regret throwing us away. But I doubt it'll happen.

 

I just need to move on, though I'm going to struggle for a while.

 

 

Those emotions are just really very powerful when you are in the beginning stages of NC. They will almost overwhelm you and your rational thinking. But you must put the focus on yourself. As bad as it feels now, it WILL get better but you just have to give it time. Resist the urge to give in. Your self respect and dignity mean a lot more.

 

If the person who dumped you wants you back, they will show signs of wanting to reconcile. Don't give yourself any false hope or engage in any self defeating behavior. That is the signal you send when you think you have to be in contact with the person who broke your heart and your spirit. If they ever had any real emotion for you, trust me, they will begin to miss you.

[jeepman41]

I know I've been listing NC for myself in weeks instead of days but according to my calendar today is Day 70!!

[Jiminey]

I broke NC on day 9 - it was his birthday so I sent him a text. He came straight back, then three days later I texted him again, told him how I was feeling. I met a new guy, a really nice guy, but he knows about my situation so he's reticent about being involved, understandably. I then texted him the following day asking if he would like to come over - he drove 27 miles and we had an amazing evening. we didn't talk about anything in the past, or future. the next morning he texted me to say he would like to see me again and loved seeing me. we've been in touch, he says not to stress and that things will work out. we talk on text every day since and he says he wants to see me again. So we shall see. I am not asking when I can see him though, learned that lesson, just cooling it a bit.

[bebop]

FFS!!!! So annoyed!!!! DAY 9! Crazy day at work didn't have time to think of anything else never mind her. Got in from work n checked her FB bad idea She's out with him in london having a good time!!! Why did I even think she was still interested and that NC would make her realise what she was going to loose. She's obviously not even bothered at all!!!!

 

I was feeling good think it was just false hope covering it up thou!!! Not going to break NC I just feel crap thou!

[Escargot]

Officially through NC day 2. It feels a lot longer than just 2 days. My fingers are itching to dial him, automatically. I know I am missing the routine, and thankfully I'm going out to a comedy club tonite with a girl friend who has been a gem keeping me busy this last week. I'm also sad to see he took the NC suggestion without so much as a protest and is following it. I've been keeping my cell phone in a different room so the temptation isn't there.

[bebop]

Officially through NC day 2. It feels a lot longer than just 2 days. My fingers are itching to dial him, automatically. I know I am missing the routine, and thankfully I'm going out to a comedy club tonite with a girl friend who has been a gem keeping me busy this last week. I'm also sad to see he took the NC suggestion without so much as a protest and is following it. I've been keeping my cell phone in a different room so the temptation isn't there.

 

Friends are good at a time like this! I've found keeping as busy as possible helps, but it's the quiet moments that are the worst!!! I've started leaving my phone at home when I go out so no text FB or anything quite hard to do as my phone is my life but it helps alot!!!

 

Just want to get of this rollercoaster!!!

[Escargot]

Friends are good at a time like this! I've found keeping as busy as possible helps, but it's the quiet moments that are the worst!!! I've started leaving my phone at home when I go out so no text FB or anything quite hard to do as my phone is my life but it helps alot!!!

 

Just want to get of this rollercoaster!!!

 

I fear I will inadvertently butt dial him, since my phone sometimes doesn't automatically go into lock mode (and butt dials being too frequent). So far so good, but it's a stupid worry.

[Mellie]

I fear I will inadvertently butt dial him, since my phone sometimes doesn't automatically go into lock mode (and butt dials being too frequent). So far so good, but it's a stupid worry.

 

I had the police once. I don't know which is worse

[bebop]

I fear I will inadvertently butt dial him, since my phone sometimes doesn't automatically go into lock mode (and butt dials being too frequent). So far so good, but it's a stupid worry.

 

Delete the number, if u wana keep it write it down and hide it somewhere hard to get!

[hpinky]

Day 11

 

I agree with everyone here about him and his ego. I'm not going to give in. I'm not feeling so attached to him like I use to. I find these days are more often then urge days. I'd have to say that I don't get urges to call him anymore. I still miss him that's the part I hate the most is missing him.

 

I saw him at work today he was still very flirtatious I don't know how to react to it. He left early and went looking for me to say bye, twice. I wish he'd just make up his mind he's annoying me.