THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[WhatSetsUs]

TS, youre a funny dude haha.

[TSandullo]

TS, youre a funny dude haha.

 

Thanks WSU,

 

I have a saying (made 34 seconds ago)

 

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you,

cry, and you're soon on ENA"

 

TC everyone. I think I've said enough today!

 

TS

[Loxxt]

Things are getting a little heated in here lol. TS you do lighten the mood, I hope others can feel a little better reading how we're doing and especially with your humour!

 

Thanks for the compliments. I'm trying to do right by me. Realistically I owe nothing to my ex who dropped me in a heartbeat. Now he's the one who has to suffer with his choices. I've grieved and don't intend on waiting around and backtracking.

 

Wishing everyone a great day. Life's what you make of it darlings, try not to keep yourselves down just because someone knocked you over.

[NsKrewtable]

Somebody would bring sex up.......longest dry spell I've had in YEARS

[1guygirl]

Somebody would bring sex up.......longest dry spell I've had in YEARS

 

hey i had years of dry spell...ex came along, few amazing moments and bam..

 

back to the dry spell... i really feel cheated

[TryingVeryHard]

Day 39...

 

I just left my counseling session where I cried for an hour about her... Got in my car to go home, pulled up to the redlight right before the ramp to hop on the expressway...

 

And who's car is stopped at the light right in front of mine? Hers.

 

Why does this have to happen? Of course she got on the expressway in front of me, so I had to drive behind her for about 15 minutes until she got off at an exit before mine..

 

I didn't want to pass her because I didn't want to see who her passenger was... Couldve been the rebound... Figured it would be better for me not to know...

 

Now I can't stop wondering if she saw me, or if she thinks I was stalking her, or a million other things that really don't matter...

 

This sucks.

[bitebenot]

No TS i wont make any comments. You did ok. By the way, if you get a boner just dont get up, lol.. you're a riot im telling you ! Everyone seems to be in a dry spell...thats to much..im laughing so hard here. My dry spell ended last week. Yes she was tired when it was over, lol. Ahhh how great it was ! Thats what moving on is all about. Fook the exs... who needs them ! I surely dont anymore. I have number two waiting in line...ya, i got some catching up to do ! The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. There is so truth in this. (after a while anyways) What a crazy world huh !

[1guygirl]

Day 30 NC and 8 weeks since sorry excuse of a split by a manchild ego maniac

 

i so know its his loss...if he didnt play them emotional hurtful games, he could have had so much more from me. but hey, his ego and sense of power came first and i feel sorry for him. i truly do.

 

i forgive him, just cant forget it - but thats ok cos it will serve me should he ever contact. which he wont, as i gave him the "i cant do friends, until im over you, and even then maybe not, so im going NC" line...i didnt say if he wants to reconcile to contact me. but i left him in no doubt he was thought very highly of.

 

and now i am gone. i will be the one who got away...literally...

 

now im gunna sign up for the 8 week challenge on the breaking up forum ...i figure another 26 days NC wont hurt

 

will still pop in here to give you lot bit of support if i can...stick with it, its the most empowering loving thing you can do for yourself

[inactivecash]

ME and the ex havent been together since new years, it's only been no contact for 9 days now. She has made it perfectly clear there is NO CHANCE in getting back. I no longer want her back, she is with someone else - this whole month idea was to test the water with someone else, even if she asked me back I would say no.

 

EVERYONE around me tells me to stay clear of her as she is a seriously bad person. I'm getting over her much more quickly than expected. I obviously still have feelings for her, but I have accepted it's over and realising I'm better of without her.

 

At first it was desperation of losing her as I THOUGHT she was the one. I can now see how stupid I was. I now laugh at what I have said.

 

I am going to date this girl, I wouldn't if I was just single for 9 days, but it's been nearly 3 months now. I do like her a lot so far but i'm not gonig to rush into anything.

 

Thanks for the advice so far.

[Loxxt]

Week 4ish.

 

Funny thing. The topic of my crossword is "moving on" and the song playing on my iPod us called "my girl's ex-boyfriend". It's about this guy who gave her up cuz he thought that he wanted more now the singer's thanking her ex for giving him her. Haha. Oh today is so cleverly ironic. Lol as I'm writing this another song called "the ex" started playing. Someone upstairs sure has a sense of humour today! Out of over 10,000 songs those two are played at random.

 

Still not sure the status on my situation with my ex. I do know I'm feeling better. He's having serious doubts going so far as saying he wants to come back buy he's being safe. He won't come back or even try unless it's an almost sure thing. I feel sorry for him because if I'm what he wants yet he's not going to work on himself and grow up THEN try to contact me he has no chance. I know he's already regretting leaving and if he doesn't grow some balls and try then he'll regret it for a very long time because I sure as hell won't be the one to reach out. Maybe in a few years once I'm 100% over him I'll consider making contact but until then I have nothing to say to him.

 

Have a good day guys!

[1guygirl]

well then, if its been that amount of time...hope the date goes well

[1guygirl]

haha yeah someones DEF got asense of humour up there today

[dumped]

Ok it's been 5.5 months. She has left the rebound for 1 month. I have been getting intermitent contact from her about random stuff. 2 weeks ago we went out for ice cream. I have not contacted her since. past two days I have been getting random texts. "You would be proud of me I got a new laptop, I hope your brackets are doing well"

 

Do I respond at all? I mean we went out 2 weeks ago she was upset I did not respond to her texts, I told her I would in the future I just cant be expected to respond ASAP. I do have a life. So what do I do here?

[bitebenot]

Ok it's been 5.5 months. She has left the rebound for 1 month. I have been getting intermitent contact from her about random stuff. 2 weeks ago we went out for ice cream. I have not contacted her since. past two days I have been getting random texts. "You would be proud of me I got a new laptop, I hope your brackets are doing well"

 

Do I respond at all? I mean we went out 2 weeks ago she was upset I did not respond to her texts, I told her I would in the future I just cant be expected to respond ASAP. I do have a life. So what do I do here?

 

You should answer back. Just add a litle note... " i do have a life of my own and still, friendship is not an option !

She needs to know that you cant always be there for her !

Thats what breaking up is all about !

[WhatSetsUs]

Today is turning out to be one of the tougher days since the breakup. After all this time I'm still left with this huge desire to get my ex back. I mean even despite keeping up NC for this long and trying to learn and grow as much as I can from the breakup, I still really miss her and want her back. My feelings for her havent really changed at all since we've broken up and its been almost two months since we've been broken up. Sometimes I'm a little embarrassed of myself that I havent been able to move on. I'm really trying to figure out what it is that's got me so stuck on my ex. Its just crazy that she's got such a hold on me and she's not even doing anything to keep me like this.

 

So yeah, tough day to say the least. Just can't wait for a change to happen.

[dumped]

You should answer back. Just add a litle note... " i do have a life of my own and still, friendship is not an option !

She needs to know that you cant always be there for her !

Thats what breaking up is all about !

 

Thanx Bro...

[TSandullo]

Day 19 - texts roll in...

 

WARNING -VULGAR CONTENT...

 

Backtracking to last night. After posting my log for day 18 and feeling very horny (from all the sex talk on ENa yesterday), I thought about heading home early from uni for a bit of a hand partying session...

 

As I am about to leave, I see a missed call from her. I don't call back.

Don't know what it was for, don't care...

 

 

2 hrs later

I reach home and settle myself in my bedroom. I lock the door.

I begin to get into a regular pleasurable rhythm and begin to experience the pleasure of my right hand...and a text comes in....from her.

 

It was about a problem with the event we have organised for our club. She politely requested when we could talk. I called her back a minute afterward, sighing heavily.

 

So I call...and she answers promptly.

And we talk about the date and time issues for the event next week.

She apologies profusely for some blunder...

 

So here I am, listening to my ex, my right hand on the phone, my left grasping my mansword and Janine Lindermulder's undulating body on my laptop screen before me as my mum calls me for dinner next door...

 

Real nice. I keep it brief and polite. Listening. I check my calendar and resolve the issue. In all honesty the call seemed worthless IMHO.

 

I hear her kid in the background. I miss the kid. I tell her to say hi to the little one. She tells me she is going to put the kid to sleep. Based on that, I end it even more quickly. I politely say bye and as she does, her voice softens and says bye...

 

...and if my ears weren't fooling me, I heard the sound of two smacking lips: the dual kiss she would give to me over the phone when we were together.......NAHHHH!!!!! IMAGINATION MAYBE!!! I dunno.

 

And that was it

 

TODAY

 

Now, back to day 19 proper.

 

Not a very productive day today. I procrastinated a lot and got little work done. I am annoyed at myself for that. Have many things to write up but just could not be bothered today.

 

As I was typing up some work, I get a text....from her again; Telling me the date issue with the event was resolved, ending the text with a useless 'Thanks' - I didn;t do anything to help. Why thank me girl?

 

Anyways, I don't respond for about an hour, and when I do, it was with a simple 'Excellent.'

 

She responds with a '

 

WOOHOOO!!! SMILEY FACE!!! SHE LIKES ME!!! WANTS TO RECONCILE!!!! SHE WANTS ME BACK!!! SHE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVESS MEEEE!!!! WOOHOOO!!!

 

If no-one grasped the sarcasm, you are a retarded individual.

 

I don't respond. Useeeeeeeelesss.

 

How do I feel today? I am pretty bummed out....for not having done much work at all.

 

Right, I'm off. Have a good evening everyone.

If anyone has been offended, too bad.

Complain to admin.

 

TS

[NsKrewtable]

WOOHOOO!!! SMILEY FACE!!! SHE LIKES ME!!! WANTS TO RECONCILE!!!! SHE WANTS ME BACK!!! SHE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVESS MEEEE!!!! WOOHOOO!!!

 

Hahaha. I seem to be going through something similar. I just don't understand why they keep trying to be all buddy buddy. Especially since I told her NOT TO CONTACT ME(not sure if you did or not, pot smoking). It's almost like invading the space I asked for, either unknown to her, or deliberately. And not once has it been anything I would even consider responding to. It's weird that I think I'm finally starting to move on now. I feel as though it's gonna be like in the movies. When I'm finally dating someone else or seeing someone new, she's gonna call. Weak. Oh well, what ever happens happens, I'm taking things one day at a time, things look brighter everyday. Even with hardly any sleep and wishful dreams almost every night. lol

[Loxxt]

Predictable.

 

People, believe what you read. Move on, pull away, become indifferent towards your ex and if they want more of you it will bother them and the roles become reversed. You start to not care, they start to care. Dumpee becomes dumper and vise-versa.

 

TS, I feel you on so many levels lol. Your ex seems down, no doubt. It's unclear what her intentions are but like me, you're probably starting not to really care... Like bite said, you start to get tired of the game.

 

Oh side note TS, had a dream I hooked up with that friend I half hooked up with that I mentioned yesterday. Too bad I had to wake up lol. Now I can't get him off my mind. Argh!

[Loxxt]

So yah, unblocked the ex and his gf. Kinda bothers me to see her being so friendly to mutual friends and them being friendly right back. I try to remember facebook isn't real life but it still gets to me. It bothers me more than seeing pics of them but I think that's just cuz I know he doesn't really want to be with her. Either way since I unblocked them 2 days ago I haven't even been tempted to look. This was the first time in about two months. I wanted to test myself. I know I'm not 100% okay though. I just thought if I unblocked them now it'd be better than doing it way later and just be reminded. I think I might block her again. I'm fine seeing his stuff because he doesn't do much. How she seems to have invaded my life and won't shut up on facebook (pics n comments about her uber awesome family/bf. My former family/bf) annoys me and makes me sad. It seems like everyone likes her better on fb but I know in person ppl talk to me just the same. She just tried harder. Most of them told me she's annoying, too much. Makes me feel better, kinda.

[guiltyflood]

I'm starting NC all over again! But I KNOW that this is the final stretch...

 

It's been over 3 months since the BU, went the first 2 months of NC. She initiated contact, and we had coffee a week later. Meeting basically confirmed that she loved me, and cared for me, but doesn't think a relationship could work out for a variety of reasons (paths after college, communication issues, etc.). Meeting ended with a strong hug, and she put herself in position for a kiss, but I completely avoided it.

 

Back to NC for 10 days, when she started posting more stuff on my facebook wall. I completely ignore it and don't even respond. She quits on that, but I make the mistake and start reading her facebook wall. Basically, LC with no direct initiated contact on my part.

 

During this time, I start dating again, and wind up hooking up with a couple of girls who I find out have boyfriends (they didn't tell me until after). I feel guilty for reasons I can't figure out (as in, perhaps I wasn't ready, perhaps I helped instigate some form of cheating, perhaps I was just missing my ex, riding the rollercoaster, etc). As a result, I sent a ping on Friday night, my first initiated contact since the BU (and text message 3 days after the BU).

 

Basically, my ping was an email with a couple of youtube vids that I thought she would like. It was very neutral. She replies 2 days later with an "I'm sorry I would have responded sooner..." post, the rest of which is neutral (in addition to addressing me by my formal name and a couple more vids she thought I would like). I wait a day and send her another video, to which she responds within an hour with another video that she thought I would like, and is generally being very casual. In addition, she even posts on my wall for the first time in 3 weeks.

 

We were together for 3 years, and I know I'm at a point where I'm almost not even worrying about her actions or her thoughts. I think I'm 95% there. My interpretation of the ping is that she wants to friendzone me, which to be honest, I kind of don't mind because of my current state of mind (can't be too sure, since 5 days ago I was riding the emotional coaster).

 

Well, to be completely sure, I'm going back on this challenge. In my mind, it's my ex's last chance to reconcile with me based on whatever emotion I have left. Otherwise, I feel like this is my last permanent step out of here. I'm starting to date other people, I'm having fun being single, and my confidence is pretty much back (heck, my ex ex from high school, who broke up with me 4 years ago after together for 11 months, has been sending me flirtatious texts and I promised to buy her a drink for her birthday). Well, we'll see how this goes!

 

So this is Day 1!

[TSandullo]

(not sure if you did or not, pot smoking)

 

Hey NSkrewtable. Hope you're good bro. No, I didn't tell her not to contact me, though at the time of breakup I did say that we couldn't be friends. I remember her telling me that it could jeopardise us reconciling in future. I said perhaps.

 

Sadly, I am currently unable to go absolute hardcore NC....(HC NC? hmmm) due to us studying, doing a project and running a club together. Fortunately, recently I have not been in regular contact with her.

 

However, after exams, I hope to be 'gone' so to speak.

 

It's weird that I think I'm finally starting to move on now....I'm taking things one day at a time, things look brighter everyday. Even with hardly any sleep and wishful dreams almost every night. lol

 

Really glad to hear that bro. I think we all relate to the sleep bit. Soon, in time, you'll be out like a log again..

 

I feel as though it's gonna be like in the movies. When I'm finally dating someone else or seeing someone new, she's gonna call. Weak.

and

Move on, pull away, become indifferent towards your ex and if they want more of you it will bother them and the roles become reversed. You start to not care, they start to care. Dumpee becomes dumper and vise-versa.

 

you both are right. I am sure the very thoughts that occupied our minds post breakup are in their minds now: "Does he still care about me?", "Has she met someone else?","Will I ever be able to ride his nice big juicy..."

and so on.

 

The sad reality of it all. Some might argue that the world would be a better place minus all this. I say it makes it more fun!

 

TS, I feel you on so many levels lol.

 

lol indeed. I'm trying to fathom whether you mean experience-wise or the surge in my libido. I guess both....unless I have clearly misunderstood.

 

Your ex seems down, no doubt. It's unclear what her intentions are but like me, you're probably starting not to really care...

 

You may be right about my ex. Very much so. I too am oblivious to what her intentions are, but, as you say...I don't really care now, more to the extent of not really caring what crap my next door neighbour listens to on the radio. Bad analogy.

 

Having said that, I do still care about her a lot, but it no longer incapacitates me to the extent of obsessive thoughts.

 

Oh side note TS, had a dream I hooked up with that friend I half hooked up with that I mentioned yesterday. Too bad I had to wake up lol. Now I can't get him off my mind. Argh!

 

LOL Loxxt! Hope you are well! I knew that after my posts yesterday, you ladies (and guys) would have a good night....in whatever form... The things we do to one another on ENA! textual harassment me calls it. Well, we are here for one another and developed a bit of a bond, so going on about our greasy moments and dry spells were inevitable...

 

I hope the dream was a wonderful one! Just don't start blushing the next time you see that friend of yours. If you ever do wish to reconcile with your ex, you could always slip in this dream story to him whenever he acts like a * * * * ....should keep him on a leash knowing his girl's subconscious is running wild with other guys!

 

Right! I'm off now! Wishing you all a great day/night.

 

Behave now people!

 

TS

[Loxxt]

Haha yeah ur dead on for all accounts TS! My ex wouldn't wannt hear anything about that guy tho. I worked with him a couple years ago and we flirted heavily tho nothing ever happened. Safe to say my ex hates him and he'd definitely freak if he knew anything especially with him wanting to reach out/come back to me now. It's driving me further away from my ex and making me wanna hook up with this guy even more! Why is it that now that my ex is saying he wants to come back that I'm even less inclined??! Sheesh. I do miss his familiarity but he broke us so it's hard to welcome that back into my life, especially now that I'm enjoying my freedom. Oh well!

[TSandullo]

Day 20 - A day of two halves

 

Only had morning lectures at uni.

 

During the day, I came accross a realisation: something I never told my friends other than one close person.

 

I am quite embarassed to admit this, but at times, I think I am quite Jealous of my ex.

 

I look at how I was months back and think "Come on TS, get on with your work! Stop thinking about her! Don't slack!" and try to get on with my work. And then I would be very non productive.

 

I must admit, my being bummed out from the break up has affected my studies , but I am happy to admit I am much better now and getting on with things.

 

But the envy is still there, lingering in me...and I try to discard it as I have never considered myself a jealous person. I am not even jealous of the guy whom (I think) she is with.

 

And I look at her and see how she is progressing in her studies, hooked up with someone else (I think) and managing it all while taking care of her child.

 

I guess I am being silly, reason being, the only times when I have felt this envy is during the two times we split up. Other than that, when we were together, I would admire and respect the fact that she could be so productive, and not a sign of jealousy in sight.

 

I guess, after breaking up, my mind had begun its race on who will fair better sooner after breakup. This isn't good.

 

This might be one of the other things I have to work on on myself.

 

Do you all find yourselves willingly (or subconciously) competing with an ex after breakup?

 

How am I feeling today? mixed. Met with friends afterwards to do some work and that was fun.

 

Take care everyone.

 

TS

[bitebenot]

TS

 

I really do think you analyse your situation too often. Many questions are left whitout answers no matter how much we scrutinize them.

 

A quote from Einstein : we cant solve problems by using the same thinking we used when we created them !

 

From Bernice Johnson Reagon : lifes challenges are not suppose to paralyse you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are !

 

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

 

No matter what, life is hard and complicated sometimes.