THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[inactivecash]

actually her exact words were "Hey, guess what we've been deleted again! haha, nevermind!"

[1guygirl]

Think about this... why do people complain? Because things bother them. If she really didn't care it wouldn't have bothered her one bit. If those were her exact words it also tells me she thinks you're being flaky and that you'll just add her back later on. I'd let her stew for awhile and realize that this is for real.

 

agree...she thinks hes jus gunna add her and so this is jus a drama episode

 

id say prove her wrong and stick with it...youre doing this challenge. i also wouldnt be suprised when she realizes this is the real deal she will contact you with bits of bait - prepare yourself for that and vent on here.

 

remember SHE wanted this month's space...GIVE IT TO HER

[inactivecash]

You really think she will contact me because of this? Arggg this feels like such a game, I hate it!!!!

 

Her post read like she really doesn't care "What a surprise he's deleted us again haha! Nevermind!"

[1guygirl]

day 26 for me...

 

feel ok

 

gunna do a lemon and water fast next week, good for a deep cleanse cos ive been drinking due to utter boredom and frustration with my life being 'stuck'. I was honest and no its not due to the break up as it intially first was. That for me makes a helluva difference to be peeved that im not moving on into my wonderful new life, that i know is out there for me, rather than be moping over some guy who will likely need viagra in a few years time

[TSandullo]

Day 15 - The weekend cometh...!

 

Busy day at university today. Lots of work. I'm feeling great.

Raining in London now. ha! I knew it was just round the corner.

 

I went to the gym before my last lecture.

 

I am wearing a nice faded black denim, nice sneakers, a cool digiwatch and a form fitting black tshirt. I look good.

 

Why I mention this? Cos later, before the lecture began I was helping a friend of hers (female) with something on a computer and she complimented my arms asking if I go gym. I won't be surprised if she passed this onto my ex.

 

No need I guess cos my ex came in afterwards and saw my lovely (newly getting ripped physique) and watched me as I walked at one time.

 

She walked in and casually said 'hi everyone' and looked at me. I responded with a casual hi back.

 

So, at the end of the lecture, my ex came upto me to ask about the event we have organized for our club. As we spoke about the event cost and getting people, I casually nodded (now, both of us couldn't really help it) but a small smirk was appearing on both our faces. We straightened our expressions and got on with it. After a 30 second conversation, I said, "okay, have a nice weekend". she nodded and went back to her seat.

 

If I am not mistaken, methinks she is putting on weight... If we were still together, I'd give her the workout of her life to work it off...

 

Nah! She got the other dude now (I think), he can handle supporting her through her report writing, exams, taking care of her kid, her other issues...

 

I'm really excited about the weekend. I'm meeting with some cool friends and meeting an old friend of mine! yay!

 

Have a good weekend everyone.

 

Be well and happy.

 

TS

[bitebenot]

Gosh, hes so complicated ! Will he change on his own or because you will ask him to for you ? People sometimes do go into corrections and it last. But has you know some of them will go back to their old habits shortly after. I myself dont think he will change enough to satisfy you on a long term.

 

First he has to find himself because hes lost. Second, he has to earn your trust back, and that will take some time and patience. Third, you (and him) have to be capable of dismissing all the past from your mind. Thats a big order if you ask me. But the task is not impossible. Another problem will arise, you after a few more months...will you want him back even if he did correct himself ?

Your feelings for him will change again and again. For you now hes not as attractive as he use to be. You will see him as a poor litle puppy. One strong question comes to mind, do you see yourself with him for the rest of your life ? And now ,do you assume you could do better and obtain garantees and security that you are searching for with someone else ? IMHO i dont see him delivering all the goods your heart desires ! Are you also willing to try to see if it would work and come here again for a few months a year from today ?

 

You needed a confirmation, here it is. Think back and find your own resolution.

Reed your back posts...your answers are right there.

Your life with him wont be painless. I hope i helped you a bit.

You know its only my opinion and you're the one who knows better.

Just be wise and make the right choice using your heart and logic at the same time. In a month or two you will know better.

[bitebenot]

You really think she will contact me because of this? Arggg this feels like such a game, I hate it!!!!

 

Her post read like she really doesn't care "What a surprise he's deleted us again haha! Nevermind!"

 

Shes offended right now and thats a normal reation because she feels rejected. It will pass. Stay away from her and wait a litle. If she still has love for you she will communicate. If not it was for the best. Now the less she knows about you the better it will be. Let her miss you and see what happens.

[NsKrewtable]

Show tonight, going to rehearse real quick. day something..... 2 I think. Time seems to be running together, kinda weird if I say so myself.

[WhatSetsUs]

Well give it a shot and you will see ! Just be ready...it wont be cute !

If she feels wanted by you she wont budge. If she feels rejected she might.

Time to play poker. God luck on your decision. I read your thread,on january 10 u said she left you a month and a day before. You also said you almost got her back...sorry but im confused. How long are you willing to fight for her ?

 

You might have read my threads from last January - March hahaha. I joined this site a year ago when my ex broke up with me for the first time. We eventually got back together and were together for 6 months or so and then she broke up with me again this February. So if we were to get back together this time it would be our third go at it. I guess you had been reading some of my older threads?

 

Oh yeah, and I'd appreciate it (if you didnt mind lol) if maybe you took a look at some of my threads from my current breakup and let me know what you think. I have a thread from sometime last month that sums of my current breakup... You can be pretty blunt but I definitely appreciate your honest advice lol.

[Loxxt]

I know he's so LOST! So much unwanted drama and confusion. omg...

 

I 100% know what you mean and it's how I feel. But honestly I'm glad people are telling him he f*cked up but I want him to know he can still talk to me. I know I won't just forgive and forget just like that but part of me wants to give him a shot to prove himself. In fact that's a big part. Especially with so much time and everything invested, 4 years is a lot to throw away. He needs to find himself, grow a pair and work! Sheesh. I don't wanna feel like I have to hold his hand! I think everyone expects him to continue this way and walk away from me cuz ppl keep telling him he screwed the pooch. If that's the case I know he'll regret this for the rest of his life. Then three years later once he decides to work on himself and try to get me back I'll be with someone else. Too bad, but it's how I see it. Too little too late - I really don't want it to come to that because it'd break my heart. You have to work and fight for what you want!

 

I do see him very differently now. Confused, sad, below me. Heck he said he felt he couldn't talk to me cuz I intimidated him. He said I was the strongest person he'd ever met. He said so many times in admiration why I was with him cuz he had nothing. He needs to become someone who others will admire, be stronger willed and someone worth loving. Right now he's none of that to me. I've grown a lot and worked on myself a lot. He's still floating along just doing nothing. Sure, I'm not in school but it doesn't mean I'm in a rut doing nothing!

 

For all I know he's still with this girl and they'll become one of those couples that breaks up and gets back together constantly. I know he wants stability and wants to be married with kids in a few years. He told me that and I honestly wanted that too so badly with him. I just put up with so much and it made me unhappy and he was unhappy and lost with himself. It shows because he's worse now than with me. I dunno, I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself because like I said for all I know he's still with her, and it's not like he's expressed wanting to get back together. I can't picture him showing up with roses and sweeping me off my feet and refusing to give up and be determined to fight and work. I picture him like a sad doggy running away with his tail between his legs.

 

Only time will tell. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted. I'm running in circles in my head...

 

[bitebenot]

You might have read my threads from last January - March hahaha. I joined this site a year ago when my ex broke up with me for the first time. We eventually got back together and were together for 6 months or so and then she broke up with me again this February. So if we were to get back together this time it would be our third go at it. I guess you had been reading some of my older threads?

 

Oh yeah, and I'd appreciate it (if you didnt mind lol) if maybe you took a look at some of my threads from my current breakup and let me know what you think. I have a thread from sometime last month that sums of my current breakup... You can be pretty blunt but I definitely appreciate your honest advice lol.

 

Well your story is identical to everyone else beside trying for the third time.

Many break-ups arent good ! It might confirm to her that she finally took the right decision. But i cant scan her brain, either can you. You need to provoke something for her to react positively for you. Of course theres no garantees.

 

If shes firm on her decision your cooked ! At this time you need a magic potion, which none of us has.

 

I told you what to do and i stick by it. It might give you the edge if she feels rejected. Or stay in NC with a LC as you want to do. All she will offer you is a friendship and that stinks. Soon or later you will have to gamble a bit.

She knows (she really does) she can have you back anytime she wants to. Thats not good at all. She might even have a new bf, you dont know !

You might say no she doesnt, but dont bet on it.

 

Send that email that i told you about. You got nothing to lose. Very few ex's do come back, you know that. If it doesnt work at least you will be ready to move on....or stay the way you are with hope for another six months.

 

You're only twenty years old...you (and her) need to experiment with life a litle more.

Shes not the only one that can please you. Thats only in your mind, its like a mirage, an illusion ! Beside, maybe no matter what you do she might never come back. Thats reality ! Use a litle logic and put aside the love you feel for her for your own good.

 

Yes i am blunt at times, even towards myself. I hate it when someone has power over me. I woke up one morning with a clear decision, i dont want my ex gf back even if she begs me for a whole year. That was my pride kicking in and its not for sale. I met other women and its awsome. Whats better than and fresh fruit ? Surely not the musty one (the ex).

[Loxxt]

So 3 months to the day and exactly 3 weeks after I initiated NC I get the best and worst news of my life - relationship-wise that is.

 

My ex called a friend in a "very bad mood" 3 days ago (sry wasn't 2 days ago like I said in an earlier post) and said he thinks he needs a kick in the face cuz he thinks he screwed up. The friend just came over and we were hanging out and he told me what he and my ex said. He said he's not happy with his gf at all. She had the one thing lacking in our relationship he found in her (she talked A LOT) and he thought that having that missing piece would make him happy but now it's gotten annoying and he said he basically asked the friend what to do and not to sugar coat it. So he gets told he's a major douche and f*cked up really badly with me and if he's really not happy with his gf and wants any chance with me he'd have to break up with her. I asked how the friend knew if the ex wanted to get back, like he was hinting at it or said something to give that impression... he said my ex said he realized he wanted to experience everything with me and he's scared of losing me. The friend told him he's gotta figure himself out if he even wants to have any chance. Get his act together, get a job and grow up basically. Stop being so dependent, whiny, etc. Just found out today that my ex has been living off of E.I., so he's had no job for the past 2 months. The friend says to leave me alone for awhile and get his sh*t figured out. Then (funny reversal of roles here) the ex asked my friend how will I know if he's changed and if he should try to show me he's changed. Friend said no and to focus on himself for now. The friend said my ex sounded scared to lose me and he seemed to want to take my friend's advice to try to work on himself. Right before he hung up my ex said he was going inside to break up with his gf. Again, that was three days ago.

 

I'm running around in circles in my head. I wanted this to happen but now that it's happening I don't know what to do. Over the past three months I've convinced myself he's not right for me unless he changes which would have been impossible unless he had motivation - so I'd basically given up and started moving on. But now on the other hand I see he is scared to lose me and seems intent on taking my friend's advice and is going to try to change for himself and to have a shot with me.

 

I know I'm not weak and won't just take him back but I'm not completely unforgiving and won't shut him out forever. It's hard to find that balance, that place where it might work, you know? Like I've been working on myself and now part of me is holding on for him and I'm scared to let go or hold on. I do want him back, but a changed man. A real man and partner but I have no idea if he'll have it in him to be that person. Then there's the betrayal of trust. He left me for someone else and will I ever be able to trust him again or will I see her every time I look into his eyes?

 

I read in another post where he came back and they got back together but she was still hurting and healing and she wasn't happy even though he was back. I never followed up on her post but people were advising her to break up with him because they both needed more time apart before they could be together again. I know I'm in no position to take him back now even though I do want him here because I do just think of her when I think of him and it hurts my heart so bad. The way I'm crying now will only keep happening if he came back. Just the thought of him being with someone else, being happy, let alone sleeping with them while we dated made me cry because of how much the thought hurt me. Now that he's done that and totally ditched me I have no idea if I can live with that feeling.

 

He said he realized she was more of a friend. He thought he could turn a good friend into the perfect girlfriend. I'm just scared that he'll try to keep her as a friend afterwards. There's way too much sh*t to deal with it's making my head hurt again. Going to escape in a book and try to have a good sleep. Praying no more dreams about him, although considering today's events it seems pointless.

[LLammas]

Day 3

 

In short, this has been the hardest day for me yet. I went out with a friend last night and had too much to drink, and, unfortunately, I found his number in my phone and texted him that I was "ready to talk." I had forgotten all about it until he texted me back today, apologizing for taking so long in getting back to me and telling me he wasn't feeling well.

 

I didn't respond, but I feel like I've lost a lot of control in the situation. Definitely no more drinking until I'm out of this depression.

 

So....back to day 1.

[sadheart2010]

WELL IAM NEW AND THIS WILL BE DAY 1 for me...i did NC 2 weeks ago for 10 days n broke it.....so there i go DAY ONE

[jaygirl]

day six here. I dont feel so sad. the highs and lows keep coming. But i am fine. i will be fine. I am fine.

[maddy001]

DAY 5 NC, and the weather is beautiful so Im going in the sunshine all day and will keep busy tonight. He usually calls when drunk after the bar on sat nights, looking for a place to lay his head...mmmm hmmmm.....not here anymore! IGNORE!!!!!

[inactivecash]

Day 6

 

Found out she's sleeping with someone else. Very good looking guy in the Navy. Probably a rebound. I'm very upset, she's been very cruel latley with facebook comments but I have shown no response to any of it.

 

I think I'm going to try and give up the person I love now. She's 30, I'm 22 and she's acting like a 12 year old. Everyone tells me to leave her. Guess I got to move on now...

 

I'm devestated. The worst has happened.

[Loxxt]

Looking at pictures of them together doesn't bother me anymore. I feel sorry for him, now he wants to come back but I dunno if it's possible. The damage has been done and it'll take me a hell of a long time to be able to let that go. I don't hold grudges, per se, but I never forget when someone's done me wrong. Bite, you're totally right, I don't know what I was thinking. Nostalgia can make a person say stupid things sometimes.

 

Still confused, still need more time to myself and less of his personal drama going on. At least now he's been told he can't just walk back into my life I'm happy. Reality's a b*tch and he just got a cold hard dose of it.

[NsKrewtable]

Day 3...again Didn't think ingnoring someone could be so hard. She's called me 3 times, and texted in between. All ignored. All pointless as far as I know. Any insight to this would be appreciated. Show went good last night, got paid and hit a rather nice after party(which I'm still feeling the effects of). Not too sure what i'm going to do today yet, too cold for anything outside, it's even supposed to snow After a whole week of beautiful sunshine, there's a whole week of cold, wintry weather coming ha. Gonna have to find something other than jogging to fill my week now. Shouldn't be too difficult.

[Loxxt]

It seems the ex is taking the exact opposite advice from my friend. He said to leave me alone for awhile and to work on himself and to NOT try to show me how he's changed. Well, just checked my old email account today for the first time in well over a month and I find an email from him sent yesterday.

 

He goes on about how his military application is going, how he has a backup plan if that doesn't work, how he's being more money conscious getting a cheaper place of his own and how he's hoping to settle there as quickly as possible. As far as I know he was living with her. He talked about how our relationship really wasn't based on friendship and he hopes I can find it in myself to work on it with him. Said how his love for me and what we had is a testament to what life is about, then tells me he knows what his mistakes were and is working on them. Told me how he's learning and writing some songs on the guitar and how maybe one day he can play them for me. He closes asking about my pets, job, place, and how he looks forward to hearing from me.

 

I haven't replied and don't intend on it. I know he spoke to two mutual friends and they both told him not to contact me for awhile and to focus on himself. Honestly getting this email really upset me. So far it's all talk and I don't see any change or any reason I'd want him in my life right now. It'd cause me nothing but grief and pain because I'd feel like I was doing him a favour... By the sounds of it, he split from his gf and is working on himself but I really don't want to know.

 

I know what he's like and I don't know if he'll be able to make these changes permanent. I feel like he's beating a dead horse with me and making one heck of a mess in the process.

[TSandullo]

Day 16 - London raining...

 

Woke early, had martial arts class this morning. Feeling good.

 

Met with friends in the afternoon, drove around London....and it rained....

 

Going home now. Gonna see a movie.

 

What a dull post! BTW I am feeling good, I do think of my ex, but the desire to reconcile is vanishing slowly and acceptance of breaking up in almost complete.

 

TS

 

p.s Nskrewtable, how was your show? Hope it went good!

[bitebenot]

Day 3...again Didn't think ingnoring someone could be so hard. She's called me 3 times, and texted in between. All ignored. All pointless as far as I know. Any insight to this would be appreciated. Show went good last night, got paid and hit a rather nice after party(which I'm still feeling the effects of). Not too sure what i'm going to do today yet, too cold for anything outside, it's even supposed to snow After a whole week of beautiful sunshine, there's a whole week of cold, wintry weather coming ha. Gonna have to find something other than jogging to fill my week now. Shouldn't be too difficult.

 

Stay in NC,,,lets see how far shes ready to go. She wont stop...let her miss you a lotttttttt more !

[Loxxt]

Starting week 4.

 

All I have to say is be careful what you wish for.

 

Now I have to decide what to do. I know my ex wants to come back and even said in his email that he knows where his mistakes were and is keen on changing. The thing is there's changing as in maturing an becoming responsible and there's changes in a personality like becoming less self-oriented.

 

My ex needs both, not just for me but if he hopes to be a decent partner. He needs to be on his own (no gf whatsoever), figure himself out and maybe in a while I'll consider speaking to him again. He's been told this by the two people he's gone to for advice. I'm in a tough spot. Even if he had changed and was that man now there's the betrayal to get over. I know he's neither that man nor am I at that point where we can be in contact; let alone try to start something again.

 

This is really hard on me, but I know I'm doing the right thing for myself and any possible future we may have. I hope he's mature and smart enough to see this isn't a game. I'm not playing hard to get and it's not that I don't want him now that I can have him. It's a matter of him being whole and happy with himself, becoming more aware and considerate of a partner and me being able to put the past in the past. This will take a lot of time and energy. I hope he can see it this way soon, but so far I see no changes - only signs that he is staying the same. Then again it's only been a few days...

[Loxxt]

Update: He's still with her.

 

I'll try to consider what he wrote and said as a blip on my radar, although I think a storm's a brewin'...

[1guygirl]

Update: He's still with her.

 

I'll try to consider what he wrote and said as a blip on my radar, although I think a storm's a brewin'...

 

says it all dunnit

 

i reckon its hitting the skidders and so hes putting in the back up talk with you 'just incase'

 

glad to see you seeing through this. he thinks he can jus walk back into your life..???....pfffttt

 

anyway day uhmmmm 28

 

4 weeks of this...had dream bout him last night, we were having a convo with someone and when i tried to join in he ignored me...which basically happened the weekend jus before we split. nice reminder for me there