fallintoblivion Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Does it really happen? or is it just what the other women fantasies? Why WOULDN'T you want your lover to divorce his wife for you? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Yes I believe so and I think it happens a lot. I wouldn't be seeing a married man in the first place. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Stranger things have happened so yes it can rarely happen but for the most part it doesnt. These types of affairs are pursued by married men to add flavor and spice to the existing marriage/relationship but never to replace it. Its like reaching for the spicy steak sauce to add to the hearty 12ounce new york stake, if one can have two together its much better but one would never choose the sauce alone over the steak and if forced to choose one naturally sticks to the steak, better investment. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 What if the man is just bored of the wife and views the mistress as the steak? I would also say that maybe it happens less because of the men staying for the sake of the kids. Link to comment
avman Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 It happens sometimes. However the success rate of such relationships is extraordinarily low. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I think the child makes it hard, especially if he loves and wanted the child. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 It depends. Many men have no intention whatsoever of ever leaving their wife and child, despite telling the other woman a lot of fantasies about them being together forever 'once he leaves". Then leaving never happens. They like the thrill seeking but will never leave the comfort of their home. They know they have too much to lose and lack the empathy to care that they are hurting people by their infidelity. They care only about themselves but often can be very good actors to both the wife and mistress. It depends on the man. Link to comment
fallintoblivion Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 And if feelings grow? I mean, my father actually had an affair and he's leaving with his mistress now and is planning to divorce my mother but something's got to be broken between the spouses to get to a situation like this, right? (meaning having feelings for the mistress) You have to grow apart from the other to be able to trully feel strongly for the lover. Am I right or it still depends again? Link to comment
Rabican Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Id say anyone who can marry someone, and then cheat on them... has a very misguided and probably incorrect idea of what love really is. Is it possible to 'love' your mistress? I dunno, maybe if you dismiss the fact that by the very act of having a mistress you are debasing the very woman you claim to love (the mistress) and the fact that you have cheated on your wife shows you are crap anyways. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 My dad cheated on my mom, and my dad did not have much love for or interest in me at all. He still did not leave my mother. She finally had enough and walked out on him at the 28+ year mark of marriage. They had even been in separate bedrooms for a good 5 or 6 years before that. Leaving a marriage is something a lot of men won't do. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Does it really happen? or is it just what the other women fantasies? Why WOULDN'T you want your lover to divorce his wife for you? To answer your second question, why wouldn't I, were I a mistress? Well, maybe I don't want commitment myself. Maybe being with a married man gives me the idea of a relationship without having to fill the rest of the role. The mistress may not really want him if or when she gets him. I have fallen for a married man a couple times before. From afar, let me point out lest you get the wrong idea. You fantasize, you build him up in your mind... but he's not like the single guys out there. Even if you leave the moral side of the thing out, he has commitments and obligations. He may have a house, joint investments, shared debt, car loans and leases, and so on. Breaking all of that.... well, a lot of women on here have said they seek out financial stability in a man. Most men (unless very wealthy) will not be financially stable if they walk out on their wives. Their credit rating takes a hit, they assume debt, they may have alimony and / or child support. His salary is not suddenly going up. What mistress would be worth losing financial solvency? No this does not happen all the time, but I have seen enough divorces to realize the truth of the situation. No matter if he really does love the mistress, it takes something more than love to put himself in that situation. Which does lead to unhappy marriages where men feel trapped.... Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Most men that i know of who cheat simply enjoy the danger of the affair for selfish excitement or lack of sex at home. Thats what most mistressess are satisfying...nothing real.. Link to comment
fallintoblivion Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 imagine: You left your old love (let's say the love of your life) because problems with parents and all (forbiden love type) and years after (you're married) you see the person back and relize that you missed her/him so much and that your feelings never disapeared (neither did his/hers), what would you do? Divorce? Deny? forget about it because it's too late? have an affair? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 are these hypothetical questions or are you asking about a specific situation? Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 imagine: You left your old love (let's say the love of your life) because problems with parents and all (forbiden love type) and years after (you're married) you see the person back and relize that you missed her/him so much and that your feelings never disapeared (neither did his/hers), what would you do? Divorce? Deny? forget about it because it's too late? have an affair? I would not choose an affair. You can leave your spouse for a "what if" situation, and choose to live with the consequences.... it may all work out or it may be a terrible mistake. You can't have it all - choices must be made. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Typically it never happens. and if it does happen it usually wont last long. the OW is a means to a fantasy. when it goes beyond that the man loses interest and either leaves her or finds another OW and cheats on her. or just goes back to his wife. Link to comment
fallintoblivion Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 are these hypothetical questions or are you asking about a specific situation? I'm trying to find the most relevent, coherent situation for a story. Link to comment
avman Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I'm trying to find the most relevent, coherent situation for a story. So you are soliciting people for stories for a book? Link to comment
avman Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 This thread is closed as it is not asking for advice. Link to comment
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