Getting back together really does happen!

[pillowtalk]

Heard of a story today! A girl I know got back together with her ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure how long they were broken up... somewhere between 3-6 months probably. They were together, then long-distance, then she moved back, and they broke up. No other people were involved; she couldn't deal with his lack of motivation, no job, etc, while she worked very hard, went to graduate school, etc. As far as I know, she did date other people, but he eventually start to get his life together, got a job, improved himself, and now they are a couple once again. I've met both of them, and they're both very nice people.

[jodi]

This is a fantastic thread, I just wanted to bump it and to add my own story, although it doesn’t have a happily ever after ending.

 

When I was younger my friend (Amy) dated somebody (Tom) from a different town (maybe 15 miles away from me), they were together for around 6 months I believe and during this time I fancied him like crazy, but nothing ever came of it because he was with my friend and then by the time they split up I had fallen out with my friend.

 

Fast forward a few months later and I went ice skating with another friend of mine and Tom was there, he ended up asking me out that night and we were together for 10 months. It was a very intense relationship, I loved him very deeply, even though at the time I was only 15 and him 17, at the time I thought I would marry him and we had ‘commitment’ rings.

 

BUT...we had a petty argument one day whilst at my nannas house and he stormed off and threw his ring at me, it was a really nasty break up, he had met somebody else before we split so he went running straight to her, she actually threatened to beat me up over him ( * * * ???), I did all of the usual things begging, pleading, bargaining, but he was nasty, cold, the usual dumper really, then he just changed his number and fell of the face of the earth.

 

That was in January, then around the July time I received a letter from him telling me how sorry he was for his behaviour at the time, and begging me for another chance. I saw him a couple of times in the following weeks and he seemed to really want to give things another shot, but I think in my heart of hearts I had started to realise that Tom was a bad apple and I didn’t want to go down that path (he was brought up in care and had a rough childhood, I on the other hand although from a broken home had a fantastic childhood and was planning further education so I didn’t want anything to jeopardise that).

 

A few weeks after the letter Tom was actually sent to a young offenders institute, he was there until around Xmas of that year I believe and for quite a long period of him being inside he sent me letters, poems, pictures, he declared his undying love for me, told me how stupid he was to let me go, how he wanted to be with me when he got out of prison, how he would never hurt me again, it was the biggest mistake he had ever made and he couldn’t wait to make me his wife......While Tom was inside prison I actually met and started a relationship with my now husband (James) (soon to be ex husband) so he never did get the reconciliation he wanted, but I draw hope that he saw the error of his ways, and maybe one day soon James will realise that the grass isn’t always greener.

 

I hope maybe somebody can draw a little hope and encouragement from this post, it wasn’t a get back together story as it was too late, but it was nice to know that in the end I held the all the cards, I actually held onto all of his letters and they are nice to look back on when I have a down day.

 

Also, I kept in contact with his mum until a few years back and she always told me how Tom regretted what he did and said it was the biggest mistake of his life, he had never been happy with any of his new girlfriends the way that he was with me.

 

***Please note all names have been changed to protect anonymity***

[paradiselost]

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[maron]

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WOW. actually a lot of stories in this thread are astounding.

[coin80]

One might also add the case of Prince William and his now wife Kate. I don't think he went NC on her, nor vice versa. Just sayin.

[Grace696]

I foolishly felt pretty hopeful after reading this story about an Australian TV presenter, Catriona Rowntree. The article in the link is a couple years out of date, as they have just had their second baby. She said that during their year apart she thought she wasn't going to get to have kids (which is something I worry about now too).

 

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[infinitesigma]

*sigh* maybe one day...

[trezeralietas]

A good friend of mine's parents divorced when he was in elementary school. They recently remarried- after a 20 year break!

[Slimpee]

I foolishly felt pretty hopeful after reading this story about an Australian TV presenter, Catriona Rowntree. The article in the link is a couple years out of date, as they have just had their second baby. She said that during their year apart she thought she wasn't going to get to have kids (which is something I worry about now too).

 

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It certainly can happen. But the sh*tty thing is that sometimes you're just not right for each other and no amount of hope, fate, NC, whatever will change that...

[paradiselost]

Well today its my turn to post a form of get back together that is not wanted.

 

My first real relationship was at 22 with a man who turned out to be emotionally very abusive -totally disfunctional and caused an enormous rift with my family. He was totally f***ed up and proceeded to do the same to me.

 

It was a very passionate relationship which destroyed me and affects me till today. It was hard escaping from him too - if I was abroad he would follow me, hack emails, phones, send messages through people etc - I ended up being very scared of him in the end.

 

Anyhow I went abroad and managed to get away from his clutches EVENTUALLY. However it was so bad I used to live in fear of him.

 

I blocked him from everything, anyone in common i cut off. I was an extremely good person to him and it hurt me immensley how trashed I was.

 

Yesterday was my b'day.

 

Today 8 years later - 8 full years of blocking him and avoiding him he sends me a message. As soon as i saw his number I recognised it instantly even though it had long been deleted and it shocked me - I still fear him and hope he leaves me in peace but 8 years on he texts to tell me how he still thinks of me all the time bla bla bla and how hesitant he felt getting in touch.

 

What do I mean to say - when a person knows they had something really good and they mess they never forget and over time it gets better for you and much worse for them.

 

At the moment I am hoping my present ex turns out the same way - and I know he will and thats why I always advocate being decent - because that is all that matters at the end, what everyone remembers and the best form of 'revenge' becuase it will always be a life long regret on that person that they mistreated a great catch and lost them forever.

[reidqa]

Its the 33%, 33%, 33% and 1% rule concerning get togethers post breakup.

 

33% Happy

33% Unhappy

33% Numb

1% Life long no relationships

 

 

There is many sub dynamic's in a return.

 

Here is an example positive: I never realized how cute you were.

 

Here is a example negative: How many f**king lovers had to done while we were broke up.

[Heartbroken30]

I'm not sure how true the story is...but they had a made for tv movie about Prince Williams and how he met Kate a few days before their wedding. He broke up with her because he wanted to live a single life and he felt like he needed space from her. They did do NC for 3 months until William realized he wanted her back and then did everything in his power to get her to talk to him. So yes they also did NC and from what they portrayed in the movie William wanted to call her a couple times but never did because he was scared. That goes to show that dumpers are sometimes scared to reach out because they know how much they have hurt the dumpee and are scared to be met with a lot of anger from the other side....so after a significant time apart I think there is nothing wrong with the dumpee making contact as long as you are able to talk to them properly without anger.

[kuteknish]

He's also a Prince.. I believe he had an upper hand in getting someone back here...

[sada88]

Here is a thread where some couples got back together:

[kuteknish]

bump bump!

[sada88]

I know of two stories where the dumpers came back to the dumpee and had a chance for reconciliations...but the dumpee didn't take them back. One story where there was a reconciliation but they had to break up because of different life views and distance.

 

1. One of my girlfriends is one of those girls that liked guys that have no interest in her and she fell for this gamer during our freshmen year of college. Let me put it this way, they were one of the strangest couple I have ever seen. She was a beautiful sophisticated girl and the other one would only talk about video games. Anyway, the girl thought the guy never treated her like a real girlfriend and always prioritize his friends over her so she kept on breaking up with him but would always come back to him. Anyway, during their last time they tried it out, after a year of trying, she broke it off because she finally got fed up. She went off to Italy for a semester but they had minimal contact since he believed in being friends with his exes. Anyway, she came back from Italy and wanted to try again and he said no.

2. This same guy fell for a girl after awhile but he thought he would marry her. But another girl #2 came along (so she became a rebound...so for everyone that got left for someone else, this could happen!) and he became distracted so he left his ex but then he realized that his ex is the one that he wanted to be with. His ex was devastated and also rebounded and married her rebound...heh. Anyway, that marriage was what woke up my friend and to this day, he refuses to talk about her.

3. I have another friend who dated this girl but she cheated on him. But my friend loved her enough to take her back. The problem was that they had to break up since he wanted world domination + success while she wanted family. She also went to grad school in another state and he didn't believe in LDRs so they broke up.

[Tateziwin]

I like this one, it gives me some hope.......my ex and i were together for nearly 19 years. He has been with his new girlfriend for 3 months now and i am still hopeful that he will come back soon.

[LN1987]

What do you guys think about a relationship that became dependant the first time around? AFter 3 weeks of NC I am beginning to realise how much me and ex relied on each other and how unhealthy we were. I still really like the person he is, and i think he likes the person i am, we just got so in each other's faces that we became destructive. I obviously would never want that kind of relationship with him again, but I do have hope for some sort of reconciliation.

[faithful14]

Got two stories , this one is about one of my high school friends and her boyfriend- I'll call them Marisa and mike. Happy Sunday!

 

For them, it all started back in freshmen year of high school; they became the best of friends yet there was no romantic feelings for each other yet. She got into a relationship with some other guy and they went out for the next two years. The relationship had a lot of ups and downs and mike was always there to comfort Marisa throughout the breakups. Somewhere throughout those two years, they began to develop feelings for each other and once they were both single, they decided to give their relationship a go. It was wonderful although they also had their ups and downs, as well as Marisa's old boyfriend coming back into the picture, confusing her about what she really wanted. Mike and Marisa broke up and she tried to work things out with her ex.

 

Their senior year of high school, Mike transferred to another high school and Marisa remained single to work on herself. They both parted ways and didn't stay in touch for the next year as they got busy enjoying their single life as well as their last year of high school. About one year later, they both ran into each other at a mutual friends' house and all the old feelings came back, but their timing was still not right. Mike had a girlfriend and Marisa had started dating some other guy. They both remained in contact with each other while their feelings continued to develop. They both were very jealous of each other's relationship but wouldn't cross that line. A couple months later, they both decide that they can't go on pretending to be friends when they feel so much more for each other. They ended up breaking up with their SO and started over. This was over four years ago. They are still together to this day. Throughout these last couple years, they did have two minor breakups but they have come out so much stronger. They still have their arguments like everyone else but they handle it so much better. They have both graduated college and are now looking to move in together as well as have the talk about marriage and all.

 

 

one more story about one of my guy friends.

 

Him and his girlfriend have been going out for five years. Some where during the two year mark, they started having a lot of arguments, to the point that they couldn't go a day without getting down each other's throat. He called it off saying he needed some space away from her. She took it really hard but accepted it. They both tried to do NC but it was hard since they lived together in an apartment and had the same friends. They stayed in touch and were in contact but it was hard for them as they both still had feelings for each other as well as anger and resentment. Anyways, to make a long story short, 4-5 months later, they patched things up and got back together. They have just celebrated their five year anniversary and are taking the next big step of moving in together and planning out the rest of their lives.

[maron]

wow, seriously, some of these stories that work out... good for them!

[Tateziwin]

What do you guys think about a relationship that became dependant the first time around? AFter 3 weeks of NC I am beginning to realise how much me and ex relied on each other and how unhealthy we were. I still really like the person he is, and i think he likes the person i am, we just got so in each other's faces that we became destructive. I obviously would never want that kind of relationship with him again, but I do have hope for some sort of reconciliation.

 

I have also just discovered that my 19 year relationship was one of co-dependency.....he needed me to financially support him and i needed him to need me......needless to say this is not a healthy relationship to be in.....i just wish i had realised this and fixed the problem BEFORE he left me.

[paradiselost]

bump - any good stories anyone???

[Janeiac]

My guy came back to me. At one point he was sure he was in love with somebody else, and that it was all over with me, but he realized it's me he wants, and is willing to put in the effort.

It can happen, but it's very important to focus on healing and moving on (and not moping, crying, pushing, begging or anything like that.) I was very clear with him that I wanted him back, but only if some things changed, and that I was completely willing and able to go on living my life happily without him-- and maybe with someone else.

[markyspark]

Hey Janeiac..well done

 

Hows about a bit more background?..how long were you apart, etc?

[adviseseeker]

I was recently talking to my mom about maybe contacting my ex from over a year ago (probably not a good idea though Anyway, she told me that apparently my aunt and uncle dated back in highschool, then broke up when they went to college. A few years later - don't know the specifics - they got back together and have been married for many years. I didn't actually know I had a family reconciliation story but I do!

 

Oh, not sure if this counts but my brothers girlfriend of almost 8 years now broke up with him last year, they are highschool sweethearts. The breakup lasted about 2-3 weeks (I think they emailed back and forth and talked on the phone) and then they got back together. It's a weird situation though, they constantly argued, she wasn't sure she wanted to marry him and literally wrote him out a list of demands - things he had to change for her to take him back...most were absolutely ridiculous. Not sure if it's a happy ending yet, he was destroyed at the time and I almost wish they didn't get back together so he can find someone less high maintenance