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im bein serious if you stop talkin to me i dont want to live


emmie_g

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Its just a friend who has apparently fallen for me. I have a boyfriend and he doesnt want me have anything to do with him, which i am happy about. but unfortunately if i stop talking to him hes gonna kill himself, and i know he has already self harmed because of me, he showed me.

 

Which made me do it to myself too.

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No we dont have a mutual friend.

I know its not my responsibilty but i dont want some1 to hurt themselves over me, its really hurting me and its not fair at all.

 

I have explained why i cant talk to him and why i want nothing to do with him but it doesnt seem to have made a difference.

 

He has apparently deleted my number and other ways of contact. Im just really scared now

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This is very unfair and ridiculous isnt it. And immature. I thought at first when reading ur original post that he may just be saying it to try and manipulate you or make you feel guilty, attention seeking etc..But after reading that you said he showed you that he's harmed himself..That is serious and scary.

Is he being really stubborn about it? Like he is not willing to talk it through with you, or go see a counsellor? Do u think this is worth a try, will it help? Or is he just not willing to do anything like that.

If he's blackmailing you with his life, and he's serious about it, you may have to get the police involved at some point.

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>> but unfortunately if i stop talking to him hes gonna kill himself, and i know he has already self harmed because of me, he showed me.

 

If someone has made active threats to kill themselves and you think he is in imminent danger of doing so, you should immediately call the appropriate people, whether that is his parents or the police to report a potential suicide/self harming incident.

 

You have to recognize too that this is emotional blackmail he is engaging in, and if he is disturbed enough to harm himself and obsess about you, then he doesn't need more contact with you to feed his obsession, he probably needs residential treatment in a mental health setting (i.e., to be checked into the hospital for a while until he is not longer suicidal and has had therapy to reduce his obsession and desire for suicide/self harm).

 

You have yourself and a young child to care for and it is not your responsibility to maintain contact with someone this disturbed. You also have to be very careful, because if he is truly capable of harming himself, he might also be able to harm you or your boyfriend or child in some kind of murder/suicide scenario.

 

Please take this seriously and report this to professionals and get advice on how you should deal with him from professionals. He needs an intervention now, and you need to protect yourself and your child in case he is obsessed/unbalanced enough to potentially harm you or loved ones in a murder/suicide scenario.

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he wont tell anyone, and i have said im going to tell his parents and hes begged me not to :S im really stuck and im getting really down about it.

 

He's ruining my life.

 

I dont know his address so i cant really tell anyone.

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No, you're not stuck at all. He's trying to emotionally blackmail you to keep getting what he wants, which is your attention. If he's sick enough to threaten to harm himself to get his own way, he needs professional help.

 

You think you are being kind by continuing to talk to him and encourage him, but the longer term good and kindness would be if he got help and treatment. I'd stop taking his phone calls, and next time he sends a message threatening himself, forward it to the police and have them investigate. They will be able to find where he lives based on his phone number, and send someone out to help him.

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I am concerned that you say he showed you that he harmed himself - but what made me post is then when you wrote 'and it made me do it too'.

 

I was once in a relationship with someone who had a similar obsessed person about them, threatening to commit suicide if they didn't leave me to be with them.

 

I think the fact that you admit that you harmed yourself indicates an ironic kind of law of attraction going on here. You have to ask yourself, what is it about this person that reminds you of yourself. Otherwise, why you so seemingly readily mirrored his behaviour is a bit of a mystery, and a scary and confusing one at that, seeing as I presume you are totally into your bf.

 

The reason I take this angle is because in my situation that I outline above, I soon recognised that the person I was with kinda fed off his 'passion' because he was insecure and liked that someone was so totally in love with him. It was incredibly damaging to the trust and respect I had for him, so just be careful. I'm not saying for one second that this guy's attentions are pleasurable - but it just struck me that you self harmed also, that's all.

 

Finally, it goes without saying that you have to say to this guy that although you appreciate the pain he is in, that it is not your fault, and it is unfair of him to try and make it your business. If he really loves you, does he really want to make you responsible for his life/death? Tell him it is really his choice whether or not he kills himself, but ultimately he has control over that, and how does he think you would feel if one day you found out he had done it? Does he really want you to live the rest of your life feeling guilty?? Because even though it would never be your fault, you will have the sound of his words in your head to deal with in the process of moving on from this dark period - should the worst happen.

 

In any case, people who constantly threaten to kill themselves in this manner are probably like one other reader said, feeding off something, and getting something out of it - in this case, the security that at least one person in his life i.e. you knows how much he loathes himself, so he is venting all his blackness out on you. He has to seek help if this is how he really feels. Otherwise, suicide is NOT something you use as a tool of manipulation against another person. If he really is suicidal, it is vital he seeks help immediately.

 

If you really want to help, then either steer well clear of this guy. Let him know your boundaries, be nice but firm in the delivery, and sympathetically offer him the help that any friend would - after all, we are all brothers and sisters really and see through that he calls a number or makes an appointment. (That's if you want to go this far - just making the suggestion would be enough - remember, he is not your responsibility - only he is accountable for that).

 

He is not respecting you because he has no self-respect. You have to ask yourself how much you respect yourself and is it enough for you to be able to stand up to this kind of emotional blackmail? I recommend Byron Katie's Turnaround exercise. Here you will be able to see ways you may not have been aware of how you have accepted manipulation in your life in the past, and make sense of how this situation has come about now, and how you are going to deal with it from now on.

 

Hope this helps.

 

S x

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