cate Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Hi, I think its time I told my story, I have been avoiding it for weeks now but feel I need to pour my heart out and hope somebody out there can help me. My husband walked out on me and our 3 children on the 8th of March this year, his reasons were that he doesn't want me anymore.... we have had a lot of ups and downs and he says he can't be with me anymore, I am devastated although I think he is right sometimes I also feel he has bailed on me and that we could have got professional help to see if we could salvage anything from this mess..he is not willing to try anymore which breaks my heart. We met when I was 17 him 19, we were party animals and got on like a house on fire, I was at college him an apprentice plumber so money was tight, we moved in together pretty much straight away. when I was 20 I fell pregnant with my daughter (now 12) this was a wake up call to change our lifestyles so we did, he joined the army, we got married (so that I could move with him in married quarters), 2 years in I had my son (now 10) I was working nights and up all day with the kids and developed post natal depression (I now know but didn't at the time) I made up any sorry excuse to get out of there and moved back to be with my family, I was a total mess!! I moved in with my single older brother and found his freedom addictive so followed suit, I ended up having a brief affair so wrote my husband a letter explaining everything (not the best way to do it but I was young and nieve) my OH left the army and we were apart for 3 months eventually deciding we wanted to make another go of it. Once he was with me after the army he kept getting texts from girls (he apparently had no idea who they were) which made me very insecure and obviously my behaviour while he was away smashed any trust he had for me. We scraped by for 6 years god only knows how we made it, we had good times but also very bad (I was controlling and he physically abused me for a short time). Thinking back I dont ever think I have been REALLY happy. He is a pothead and I think his lack of affection towards me has made me fall at the feet of any man that gives me what I am craving, attention...Reading this as I type is making me wonder why we lasted as long as we did but anyway 3 years ago I fell pregnant with our 3rd child, he was born 3 months premature so was very very sick, we saw his birth as a reason to start a new and 'grow up' we decided we were worth working for and turned over a new leaf. When my son was 2 years old my OH got a text message off a girl (again) I saw the message and never told him about it and started texting her pretending to be him, I found out that he had met her in a bar, I asked her to proove how she knew him and she said my OH had said to her that his wife was in hospital with his sick son and we were having BIG marriage problems, but he said she had a nice and gave her his number!!! to this day he denys it so maybe the girl is phsycic I dunno, part of me wanted to believe him so I let it pass and tried to work through it. we continued to plod on. last xmas day I was invited by my neighbour for a drink, she was having a party. At the party GHB was put in my drink and my OH walked in and stopped a situation that could have got very nasty. I have no memory of it what so ever so only have his side of it to tell but this is what happened. He burst through the door of my neighbours found me passed out on the floor fully clothed but a male with his 'bits out' as if ready to use them, my OH kicked the living daylights out of him and left, went back to our house woke my 12 year old daughter and told her he had just caught mum sucking next door and asked her to stop him doing something stupid then left the house with the kids in it. I really cant believe he would do that to her!!!! My recollection of the event is waking up at the foot of my stairs with both my kids looking at me and having to be told by my daughter what had happened (at this point the fact I had been spiked was not apparent) the day after I told him to come home and that I would leave, I went to my sisters leaving the children with him, I stayed away for a week (saw my kids though) on about the 3rd day it sunk in what had happened to me so I reported it to police who said becasue 48 hours had lapsed there was nothing they could do, devastated I returned home after a week to tell OH who after I explained believed me and confessed that he did not see me sucking (which was nice of him)!!!!! he decdided that because I was drugged we could continue seeing eachother we could try again, obviously the fact that a neighbour drugged me meant I had to move which I did with my children and he decided to come with me. thngs were ok since we moved (on 16th jan this yr) or so I thought.... on 8th March we had an argument due to his drug problem affecting our lives because he has been addicted to marijuana through our entire relationship only ever being off the stuff for about 3 years throughout (which thinking back are the only times I was ever actually happy). He said he smokes it to forget what I have done to him I said he smokes it so he doesnt have to deal with anything, he is now living in our old house (next door to the neighbour) I am in the new house with the kids. I have begged him to come back told him ill wait etc etc.. but he keeps saying he doesnt want me..doesnt love me like that but said he still finds me very attractive, loves me and misses me. I am in an impossible situation, I miss him so much although I know I wasn't happy, I gave as good as I got and am 50% responsible for the mess we are in but can't accept that he is not willing to get professional help! on valantines he bought me a huge boquet with a note saying 'i love you' that was just a couple of weeks before he left!!! please somebody tell me what to do!!! when he left he said what happened at xmas brought everything back and he doesn't trust me. Im so angry with myself for doing the things iv done and know i still need to get help but wish so hard he would come with me. Sorry if this post is huge but Im lost without him evevn though you will probably think we are not meant to be. Link to comment
cate Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 it feels so good to have got that out of my system I hope its the first step to recovery Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 wow. You and your husband have really been through the ringer! I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I would like to ask you if you are in any type of therapy, how about the kids? Are they doing ok through all of this? If you aren't already in counseling, I would suggest doing that asap. It can do nothing but help you. Your children as well. God Bless and good luck. p.s. At the risk of sounding really stupid...what is GHB? Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Grevious Bodily Harm... EDIT I got myself confused for a moment there Have you got any help from family or friends? or are u totally alone? Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Grevious Bodily Harm... Have you got any help from family or friends? or are u totally alone? I'm sorry, I don't understand. I thought she was talking about a drug that was laced into her drink??? Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I'm sorry, I don't understand. I thought she was talking about a drug that was laced into her drink??? She is, the other poster is incorrect. GHB is one of the 'date rape' drugs. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 She is, the other poster is incorrect. GHB is one of the 'date rape' drugs. OK, that's what I was thinking, but had never heard of it. Thanks! How horrible. Someone needs to go to jail then. Too bad it was too late when she contacted the police. Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 oh oops sorry i got muddled up then Link to comment
EQD Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 this guy sounds like an inconsiderate jerk. i wouldnt mourn his loss. Link to comment
cate Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 wow. You and your husband have really been through the ringer! I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I would like to ask you if you are in any type of therapy, how about the kids? Are they doing ok through all of this? If you aren't already in counseling, I would suggest doing that asap. It can do nothing but help you. Your children as well. God Bless and good luck. p.s. At the risk of sounding really stupid...what is GHB? GHB, date rape drug, takes minutes to take effect and depending on your body size and amount used can cause unconsiousness for anything between 1-5 hours leaving the body between 24-48 hours without a trace. Yes I have been to my doctor and told him I need help quick! he tried to put me on pills but been there, done that not going back, I asked to be referred so he has put me on a waiting list, I have to wait about a month!! I told him thats too long but nothing he can do so its just a waiting game now. My thoughts are eating away at me, I dont feel physically strong enough to cope with the breakup when I still have the other stuff to deal with, I can't believe he has done this to me dumping me when I need him the most, he has said he stopped smoking the stuff (yesterday) which probably explains the abusive texts I got regarding the joint debts from the old house, I was trying NC but it lasted less than a day before he was on my case so I couldn't help but bite back. I just don't know what to do. In answer to another question the kids are fine I have managed to shield them from most of it, mummy and daddy just dont get along any more, that kinda thing but keeping myself together when they are around is getting harder not easier, I want him back.... or do I, I feel like something really important is missing and try my best to remember the bad to stop me being so pathetic and begging him to come home but I can't. He threatened to walk out of his job today and told hiss boss to go away (but in not so kind words) then text me, told me what he had done and ignored me when i tried phoning him to calm him down! I was panicking because I can't keep this house without his help. life is really bad I can't see a future for myself or my children while I have to rely on him to pick himself up, he wanted this so why is he making it so difficult, he hasnt once asked how I am. At first he was telling me I am strong and I can cope and as soon as I started to pick myself up he falls to peices, Iv told him I can't help him, that I have to look after myself and he just started with the ok im not your problem anymore sorry for bothering you! treating me like it was me that told him to go!!! this is the last thing I wanted. Im so confused and hurt but on a positive note it is really helping me talking about it and knowing you are reading my story, the relief that someone is reading whats happening to me is helping is like a huge weight off my shoulders thankyou all Link to comment
cate Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Have you got any help from family or friends? or are u totally alone? yes family being brilliant but its the night when the kids are in bed I find hardest, and first thing in the morning for some reason I wake up with tears already on my cheeks, I can't eat, lost over a stone (but had a bit to spare so won't kill me) can't sleep, people talk to me and I don't hear them, its like im on another planet I don't even know im doing it until they need my input and then iv no idea what they have been saying. I have managed to keep up with work I was there on the monday (day after he left) although I didn't do much work!! My mum is flying over from Spain tomorrow to stay with me for a week or so, hopefully the company will help make me stronger. Link to comment
cate Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 OK, How horrible. Someone needs to go to jail then. Too bad it was too late when she contacted the police. they wouldn't even question me, I asked if they could take hair samples but they said you have to be a regular user for it to show up so no point. I have been in contact with a charity (online) and spoken with a helper there who confirmed he is 100% bt there is nothing I can do, I should have done a pee in a bottle straight away but you don't think of stuff like that at the time do you. I shouldn't have been there in the first place, if things were ok at home id have been tucked up in bed thats what makes it harder to accept, im so messed up Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 they wouldn't even question me, I asked if they could take hair samples but they said you have to be a regular user for it to show up so no point. I have been in contact with a charity (online) and spoken with a helper there who confirmed he is 100% bt there is nothing I can do, I should have done a pee in a bottle straight away but you don't think of stuff like that at the time do you. I shouldn't have been there in the first place, if things were ok at home id have been tucked up in bed thats what makes it harder to accept, im so messed up So sorry it took so long to get back with you. I did read everything you wrote. WOW! OK, I have to say this...I have been in your shoes. He is trying to make YOU feel guilty for all of the wrong that HE has done. All I can say is this: DON'T FALL FOR IT! YES, both of you have done things you are not proud of, but it is wrong for him to blame you. Please, Please, Please get counseling. It was my saving grace. honestly. As for the Date Rape drug...I feel so badly that the Police cannot do anything about it...But, that being said, please don't ever allow yourself to get into that position again (I know you wont). Actually, it sounds as though your husband saved you by walking in on what was about to happen. Thank God. Your neighbor sounds like a complete loser. Stay away. What a piece of crap!!! At this point, I can only speak from experience...Stay healthy for you and for your children. Get counseling. Get it for you...and get it for your kids..because I am confident that they know more than you think they do. Your children are not ignorant. Please don't think they are. This affects them more than you know or realize. Get Them In Counseling Too!!! Seriously. I, again, speak from experience. I hope you take this in the manner I am giving it. It is only meant to try to help you. I know you are hurting, but there IS help out there. God Bless.. Link to comment
cate Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Hiya, thankyou for your messages I have read them over and over but just not had the strength to reply, my thoughts don't come out right when I try and write them down and I just sound like Im wallowing..... I have however taken your advice and have an appointment for an assessment tomorrow which I am dreading but the outcome is they will see how I am and assign me a councillor thats best suited for my needs, Iv been horrible today (scared about tomorrow I think) snapping at the kids and texting my ex husband. It can't get worse than this so im going to give councilling a chance. Ill be back after tomorrow maybe what I learn will also help others too. Emotionally drained so logging off now but really thanks for your replies and I will return the favour one day I promise xxxxx Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.