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Still in love but we can't do it anymore...


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Hey guys...i've wrote before bout me and my ex. We broke up over trust issues...it ended with her getting physical with me and I couldn't take it anymore. We reconciled, she apologized and we knew we wanted to remain close friends. We started to hang out again, and before long we were having sex again. We kept telling ourselves that we were friends with benefits, but our old feelings made things really hard.

 

Here's where I need the advice. She had problems trusting me. I wasn't completely honest with her in the past but I began being totally truthful with her in the end, even though it would still lead to fights. I never cheated on her. I never even wanted to. But I did have friends that were girls. Some of these girls were interested in more, but they knew I had a GF and I never flirted or gave the impression that I was interested. I was just a friend to them, and that's all I wanted to be. Like I said, we still ended up breaking up but remaining "friends with benefits".

 

We talked about the possibility of us hooking up with someone else. I met someone first. We fooled around. I told my ex about it honestly. A few days later she tells this girl's bro-in-law about everything, even insulting her and telling him the things I've said to her in emails, personal things I only thought she would tell to her close friends. He in turn tells the girl I'm seeing and she is livid, thinking I'm spreading things about her at work and that I'm using her to get over my ex. I'm upset that my ex would even tell this guy anything, plus drag some other girl's name in the mud, so I change the story. It's obvious to me that I can't be truthful with her about this girl cuz she will tell everyone, so I start being more discrete. I tell her when I finally do hook up with someone, but I don't tell her who. She knows it's the same girl, but I don't tell her.

 

She hooks up with a guy she's known for a few years and hooked up with in the past. A guy she kept in touch with while we were together. While she did delete his number in front of me when I told her it bothered me, not long after she finds out I'm seeing someone he's back in the picture. He never left her friends list on Myspace either. So she tells me they hooked up. She's pissed because I won't tell her who I've been with after she has. So I say "you're right. I will come clean." So I tell her everything and I also tell her why I kept it from her...it was just because I didn't want her talking to this girl's bro-in-law again and telling him what's going on because frankly, this girl wanted to keep things private.

 

I know it was wrong of me to lie to her. I didn't want to. I was truthful with her in the beginning but when she pulled that little stunt I felt I couldn't tell everything to her. She betrayed my trust telling that guy everything I told her in the emails so I cut her out of the loop a little. And I also called her out on some things I know she hasn't been truthful about. Needless to say, she is furious with me right now. Called me a piece of * * * * , said I disgust her, and that nothing will ever happen between us again. She screamed at me on the phone and wouldn't let me talk to her. She won't return my calls or texts. I really need to settle things with her. What should I do? Are we doomed? Or is there any chance of us getting back what we once had, without all the trust and jealousy issues?

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Well, I actually didn't offer the info up to her just on a whim. She asked me, so I answered honestly. And we actually started fooling around with other people around the same time, because I asked her the same question right after, and that's when she told me about her guy.

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wow she has clearly got her own insecureties!! she cant trust you because she knows what your past was like and trust is such a hard thing to get back!!! and even though you did just want her in the end and diddnt cheat on her she will still have the thought of you cheating in the back of her mind and if she bottles it up enough she could end up getting quite bitter and trying to make life difficult with you and new partners!!!

 

i dont think there is a future between you two she needs to love herself and trust that someone can genuinely care for her and her alone but that isnt you she has it stuck in her mind that you cant be trusted! which is a shame because you clearly was behaving yourself! let her go and get on with your life! dont ever regret what happened between you because atleast you have experienced and can learn from anything that went wrong!

 

and you lied for a reason you shouldnt always have to answer to some one if you dont really want to!! dont be a people pleaser forever think about number 1 for a bit and decide what YOU really want!

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Thanx Kirsty...yeah, i am a people pleaser. I can't stand it when someone is mad at me or doesn't like me. You can't please everyone all the time...that's something I need to learn to accept. She's slowly starting to talk to me again...but I'm starting to believe now that our run may be over. It's sad...we had so many good things. Just waking up next to her and saying good morning was something I always treasured. But you all have the same point of view as my friends...she has insecurities and trust issues with me and with all of that going on...there can never be an "us". But I'll love her still and I'll never forget what we had.

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