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Help me make it through tonight


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I am in so much pain. Just chatted with him for a few minutes on facebook. I have loved him for 10 years. We go on and off, hot and cold. Had a great chat with him on Sunday and I was waiting until tonight to call and talk again. I've been counting down the days all week. He was abrupt on fb, totally different from last week when we chatted for 2 hours all about feelings and our future and stuff like that. I just want to call him and hear his voice but I know it wouldn't do me any good. I feel like leaving a crying message, but I know I shouldn't.

Most days I'm fine, but tonight I feel like I will fall apart if I don't get to talk to him.

Help me, please. Please

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Hey you absolutely need to back off because you are coming accross to him as very needy. See it from his eyes. Get away from the computer. Call a friend. Go out and take a walk. Do not even think about calling him or texting him until he gets back to you. You WENT to see him, and that did it. I am in the exactly same boat and wow--I was dumped after I went to Europe to see my fiance. Stop DOING absolutely ANYTHING. Think self-respect. Make it a mantra.

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Here's what you do: fall apart. Yes, that's right. You need to just let yourself GO for a few hours and let it all out. Just don't do it by contacting him. The urge to contact him is just you wanting to fall apart to HIM so that he can catch you and thus make you feel like everything's okay again. Temporarily. But then you're not really grieving. So many people on ENA are hellbent on finding some way of fixing the problem and circumventing the pain rather than just admitting to themselves that it can't be fixed and having a good ole fashion cry. So do just that. Let yourself fall apart and vent all that pent up sadness. Sadness over a breakup has a tendency to build up like water behind a dam. Except the water keeps rising and if you don't let it out, it's just going to break the dam down. Do what you can to limit your contact with him temporarily. You need some time to grieve and heal.

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hon, best thing to do is let it go---

you don't want to be connected to someone who can cause such abrupt changes in feelings for you--

he's not consistant in his attention and caring for you--

let it go--

don't feel bad and don't feel attched--

just let it go----

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I would second this. Try to put him out of the equation for the time being and deal with the grief in your own way. I went to the "cave" after my head and heart got all mixed up with my last relationship, and sought out my friends. Leave it a few weeks if need be.

 

Good Luck, you will be okay.

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argh..... he just texted me and said he was out to dinner with friends (3 hour time difference) and could he call me later. Damn him. I am exhausted.

Last sundays' conversation went so well, we were fantasizing about running away together to the greek isles when we are 70 and living in a little white washed house and swimming naked and having lots of old people sex. We talked for over two hours and he said he loves me, differently. whatever that means. He says he wants me in his life but he doesn't want to give up his dreams of bettering himself (he is going back to school for his phd). He thinks I want him to block hours of time in his days just to pine away about me. I don't want that at all. I just want him. He says he believes that I love him as much as I know how, but we've only spent 10 days together in the last 10 years. And I haven't laid eyes on him since June 5th when I left him at the airport and we were both crying. I don't want to play games. I'm a grown woman who KNOWS that in 10 years I haven't found anyone else that makes me feel close to what he does, and I don't want to waste anymore time playing coy and aloof.

He says there is no one else and he isn't looking. I just want to feel love. To be able to wake up in the morning and know that he is out there and he loves me. damn damn damn. i'm going to get grey hairs over this.

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---wait a minute--

I just read that you've only spent 10 days together in the last 10 years???

 

If that's the case, then sweetie, I suspect you're wasting your life on a fantasy.

 

Let me clarify - we were college sweethearts and went our separate ways because neither one of us was in the right head space for a real relationship at that time. We have both dated people over the years, I have had several long term relationships. But we never forgot about each other, he drove accross the state to surprise me on my birthday when we hadn't seen each other in 4 years but I was dating someone else. For several years we would only talk occasionally, like once every 6 months or so, but he was always in a special place in my heart and mind. A few years back he had a conference in my town but my number and email had changed and so he couldn't reach me but he remembered that I liked a certain coffee shop and he told me that he skipped conference sessions and sat in front of the coffee house for 3 days hoping that I would walk by. A year ago we really re-connected and spent a week together on vacation and then another week driving cross country together. For the past year we talked several times a week. But now we live accross the country from each other and are in totally different places in our lives. I have been successful in my career and have a house, no credit card debt, etc. He is still struggling and lacks direction, he has 3 roommates in a crappy apartment, a broken down car, and a job that pays next to nothing. He feels like he could never fit into my world. But none of that matters when you love someone, right???

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---wait a minute--

I just read that you've only spent 10 days together in the last 10 years???

 

If that's the case, then sweetie, I suspect you're wasting your life on a fantasy.

 

oh i read that too. sweeties, I understand how much this hurts you, but you have only seen him 10 days in 10 years? that is not a lot of face time to get to know someone. and 10 years is an awful long time to allow someone to continue to hurt you by his wishy washy attitude. Did you have a long distance relationship? Please, I know you will find someone new. This sounds like a fantasy you built in your head for this man who is not reciprocal.

 

You can meet someone who will adore you just the same as you adore him. Don't waste your time on this fantasy. He has made it clear that he loves you but doesn't want to be with you.

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