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Slept with Ex:(


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Hi everyone.


I have been on ENA for a few years, mostly reading everyones situations in the breakup forum.


My Ex and I have a long history, im not sure how to attach links, but you can read the background. In a nut shell broke up almost a year ago.


Breakup was very messy. NC/LC for most of the year, mostly on my part of reaching out to him.


It got to the point where he said some nasty things, such as I hate you ect ect. Was very hurt, honestly still not even close to being over this and moving on.


LC started in JAN 2009. Met for some drinks, was great seeing him. I know he felt the same.


Latley he has been reaching out to me, calling me to see how I am, emailing me and even called me at work, as he was thinking about me. I know it doesnt seem like much, however a few months ago I didnt know if we would ever talk again.


He came over last night, one thing led to another, slept together. When it was over asked if I wanted to talk about it, as I shed some tears, said no. When he left we had some kisses, felt insecure, like i just had a one night stand.


I want him back. I love him. I have tried to get over this and I cant.

I know he still has some feelings, as well as some hesitations. I know I mean something to him......


I dont even know what im trying to say here. I feel lost and confussed, Did I ruin it by sleeping with him like that?

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Oh boy....!Did you mess up by sleeping with it? Only you can answer that, if you feel bad about it then you probably know you shouldnt have done it for whatever reason. Its so easy to fall into this "trap" when its with an ex & we hope they come back.


Does he want you back? Did you guys talk about that before having sex?

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We have talked about where we stand. I guess a bit!?!


I know he isnt ready to jump back into things, he has told me that he loves me, but cannot commit to things yet, says he wants me to be happy, move on if i feel like I should, says will kill him but he doesnt want me to put my life on hold while he gets his stuff figured out, and until he moves back home to Canada(Lives in FL).


The thing is, he has been making all the contact since Jan. I havent at all, just responding to him.

Today is tough i want to reach out to him, talk and stuff, but I feel like I should let him reach out.


Seriously when will I learn....

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I think you need to talk about it... this is a fairly common scenario with exes who get carried away, but it can lead to longer healing if you want to get back with him, and he was just having a nostalgic moment or wanted some sex and doesn't want to get back with you.


So you do need to talk. He offered, so I think you should call him and tell him how you feel and see what he says.


Then you need to try to adjust your emotions to the reality of the situation. If he really doesn't want to get back together, then you might really need to let go and stop contacting him. Many exes will take free sex if it's offered, but it doesn't necessarily mean they want a relationship again, at best FWBs which is not a good idea of if you're carrying a torch for him and want him back. That will slow your healing and keep you from looking for someone new.

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If he won't commit, then you can be open to dating, but nothing more. It wouldn't be unreasonable to say you don't want to have sex until he commits as it would be too hard emotionally for you. If he walks at least you'll see what his motives were. It's a tough call - you could take the risk but it could get very painful if you're not on the same page. Remember, don't let them have the sizzle without the steak.

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Thanks guys, I like the sizzle comment hahah!


We never really had any huge issues when together, just horrible with communication. We both know this.


We have had a year to think about things. He couldnt commit to me when moving away as he just didnt feel it was right, being so far apart, im sure he really just wanted to see what is out there, sew his oats i guess. I dont question that he loves me, I do know this, even in my most sad trying times thru this all, i know he loves me. I told him today that im open to being friends and hanging out, but we cant sleep together. He agreed.

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But please don't stop your dating life patiently waiting for him to return when he's given you no assurances whatsoever that that will happen.


A rule of thumb is you shouldn't wait for him patiently at home like a faithful wife when he isn't your faithful husband. It really isn't appropriate.


When someone won't commit to you, don't commit to them. You could wait years and get a phone call from him long distance asking you to congratulate him because he's getting married... to someone else!


Try to match your behavior to the situation... he is long distance, not planning to get together, not committing to you etc. He may be a great friend now, but that is all he is. You can love him with all your heart, but that doesn't make him yours. I don't mean to be harsh, but you'll be much happier if you take control of your own life rather than waiting for something passively like a faithful wife when he's off sowing his wild oats.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My ex is soo hard to read,since we slept together, he is calling emailing, texting,ect ect.


He went to Australia for a trip, and called me throughout the trip. He is back now, and wants to meet before he flys home to the US. As well he made it clear that he is moving back home to Canada soon.


We have not been talking about "Us" at all. I dont want to bring it up and scare him away, but could he be sniffing around to see if things could work again?

ughhhh im not sure, are we just becoming friends, or are we going to try to work things out?

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