Help understanding men!

[Lauren8785]

Alright, where should I begin...Well I have been talking to this guy on a dating site in my area and let me make it clear he contacted me first. We met in person a few weeks later. Things in person seemed to go well and I enjoyed meeting him and we agreed to hang out another time. Ever since then I have been texting him and he only texted me back once, and I waited a few days (didnt wanna bug) because I understand he's busy with school full time and has two jobs I believe, not positive, but I'm sure he's pretty busy, so yesterday I texted him after about a week of not talking since we met and haven't heard from him, tried calling a couple times and left one voicemail. So I don't understand how a dude can say he's interested in you and then not communicate with you for a week . To me if your truly interested in someone wouldn't you find the time to try and contact them??? I think so. I don't know if I should just give up or what??? I'd like to keep in touch but why keep trying to contact him by all means and not getting any contact back in return???? It'd be nice if was just straight up and honest with me if he truly isn't interested in me. I also told him that in a text, I ain't shy about my feelings or standing up for myself.

 

Then another guy I been talking to IM'd me the other night and was getting personal and was asking about Bjs and I told him (Im always honest and upfront with people, I don't BS around) that Im not really comfortable with it but maybe consider giving it another try when I am comfortable and he just kept on asking questions about it and I said why do you have to be so pushy and he said he isn't and that he was cool with it and I said well if your cool with it then I am too and after that he didn't talk to me, so I tried messaging him on the date site to talk to him and he blocked me on there and deleted me from his "favorite" list on the site..I was like wow, how bogus deleting me and ignoring me because of that convo on Yahoo. Whatever. I can't believe how shallow some men can be.

 

My problem? WHY- WHY- WHY -WHY- are guys like this!?!?!? I just don't get it. I wish they'd be upfront and tell me like it is or where we stand.. instead of ignoring me or beating around the bush?!?! Whats so hard about telling a women straight up? I am open and honest with all the people I come into contact with. I don't believe in playing childish mind games and dealing with bullSt!!! I am just so fed up with men who can't communicate with me honestly!!!

 

Please any advice or experiences you have all had would be greatly appreciated. Thanks !!!

[d24]

f a guy wants to date you he'll do everything in his power to get in touch.

 

If he doesn't get in touch, he probably doesn't want you, and you shouldn't worry yourself about it. Shrug it off and shout "Next"

 

 

 

(oh, and i can understand why he wouldnt want to continue talking if there's not much chance of a BJ every so often - it's very important to most men to at least know there's a chance it'll happen.... they feel great) ;-)

[Lauren8785]

f a guy wants to date you he'll do everything in his power to get in touch.

 

If he doesn't get in touch, he probably doesn't want you, and you shouldn't worry yourself about it. Shrug it off and shout "Next"

 

 

 

( oh, and i can understand why he wouldnt want to continue talking if there's not much chance of a BJ every so often - it's very important to most men to at least know there's a chance it'll happen.... they feel great) ;-)

 

I told him I'd consider it. Never told him I wouldn't. Nevertheless, he should respect the fact that Im not totally comfortable with it and give me sometime not be pushy about it or let it be the "breaker" sheesh. Where is the respect and patients at

[d24]

no doubt about it he's a creep and a bit of an idiot for talking so much about it, but you know it was important enough for him to ask, and you both know where you stand on the issue.

He decided it was enough to cut off contact, and you have to respect that and understand there are multiple deal-breakers for... anyone! Yourself included!

[Gratsy]

All the signs come early but we women refuse to see them. The minute you feel like your presence will "bug" him is when you know.

 

 

I have never allowed a man to pressure me sexually. A huge sign of disrespect and also a lack of actual feeling is if they make you feel somehow that they can't love you unless you sleep with them. The bj statements are very disrespectful and unladylike as well. You shouldn't allow men to talk to you that way.

[Startoveragain]

I think some of the way we act has to do with how we communicate nowadays. With all of the electronic communication (email, IM, text) it's easy to ignore someone. So..... take the path of least resistance. I'm not saying it's right, in fact it's really disrespectful, but it's also really easy. So when you're not into it or whatever, we sometimes just quit talking. It kinda sounds like he said what you wanted to hear until you guys met too and then it just wasn't there for him. I would quit with the texts and calls though if he's not responding, move on. I agree with tuxt, if he was interested he'd do everything in his power to see you again.

 

And the BJ thing...... well, that's just a little too forward. There's guys out there that are looking for total skanks, and what easier way to week out the skanks from the hold outs then to ask you about BJ's before you've even met. Tacky. He's a douche anyway so don't bother. Don't lower yourself to talking about and agreeing you'd do that sort of thing over email or IM or something. That makes you just the skank somebody is looking for (no offense intended).

[cruzer]

Lauren, you seem very smart, u bring up very valid points about how this guy is wrong and disrespectful.

 

Two things your missing though, of course in my opinion.

 

1. Dont question it. If it does not work out, it was not ment to be. In this case its very clear u did nothing wrong and so you should not question it at all. It was this one guy, not every guy, not you.

 

2. Its not a gender thing. I had a girl flirt with me, tell me im good looking, mention things we could do for our next dates. She did all of this, then i ask her out several more times and she cancels. How are u going to suggest we do this on our next date, then i ask u to do that, a week in advance, etc. then cancel on me? She tells me i never contact her, but she only contacted me to cancel dates on me. She ended up ignoring me, running away, instead of just communicating the problem. This only proves my first point, she ran away, did not even try to work on anything, so it was obvious that we were not ment to be. Sure i am still confused, but i dont ask why. The answer to why is because she did not want to be with me, for whatever reason.

[DN]

Here is all you need to know about understanding men in one simple and absolute rule that has no exceptions. Once you have read this rule you will never need to ask this question again:

 

"All men are not the same".

 

Now, the really complicated part is understanding an individual man.

[Lauren8785]

All the signs come early but we women refuse to see them. The minute you feel like your presence will "bug" him is when you know.

 

 

I have never allowed a man to pressure me sexually. A huge sign of disrespect and also a lack of actual feeling is if they make you feel somehow that they can't love you unless you sleep with them. The bj statements are very disrespectful and unladylike as well. You shouldn't allow men to talk to you that way.

 

I didn't allow him to talk to me that way! I don't let someone tell me what I should do and shouldn't do, Im not stupid and would NEVER let anyone control me!!! I agree, it is very disrepectful of men to be that way. I SHOULDNT have to lower my standards (not really a standard, but dk what other word to use here) in order to keep a man at bay, if he can't respect the fact that I am uncomfortable with bjs then F him! If a guy really cared you would think he'd respect that and let you do that, if you wish, when your ready!!! Right!??!

[Lauren8785]

Thanks Cruzer Yeah what you said makes sense, but it just DRIVES me out of my mind not knowing why, he is NOT communicating with me. I want to think its because he's very busy with being at school full-time and working possibly, two jobs, if I remember right, but then again I think to myself he must have a small break in there somewhere, so if he truly was interested he'd take 2 mins out of his day to text or say Hi! Doesn't take much to text less then a minute! Obviously hes not interested or else he would be communicating and it sucks because I really wanted to get to know him better and hoped that it could turn to something down the road. Oh well his loss right???

[jengh]

Is this the same thread I just responded to in OT?

[cruzer]

Thanks Cruzer Yeah what you said makes sense, but it just DRIVES me out of my mind not knowing why, he is NOT communicating with me. I want to think its because he's very busy with being at school full-time and working possibly, two jobs, if I remember right, but then again I think to myself he must have a small break in there somewhere, so if he truly was interested he'd take 2 mins out of his day to text or say Hi! Doesn't take much to text less then a minute! Obviously hes not interested or else he would be communicating and it sucks because I really wanted to get to know him better and hoped that it could turn to something down the road. Oh well his loss right???

 

As i said, i have been down this road. At first, it really did bother me not knowing why. I did the same as you, made a thread asking why, but u know what? None could answer it, none can but her. And in your case, only he can answer it.

 

I too tried to create excuses for the girl that i experienced this with. She had a kid, she worked 6 of 7 days, etc. But u know what, until this girl, i had never asked a girl for her #, never been on a date, etc. However, i was still contacting her, asking her to go out with me, even though i was so clueless as to what to do and say because i cared about her. If she cared or wanted, she would have worked with me on it.

I really wanted it to work with this girl as well, i mean i could not picture any other girl better, and still i cannot except that she did not care about me, a better girl for me would care more, and not treat me like she did.

 

Same goes with this guy and you. If anything, u guys could have played tag text messaging once a day... i mean before he falls asleep he could text u hi, that is... if he wanted to.

[veda999]

Here is all you need to know about understanding men in one simple and absolute rule that has no exceptions. Once you have read this rule you will never need to ask this question again:

 

"All men are not the same".

 

Now, the really complicated part is understanding an individual man.

Well said. It is not just men doing these things. I have been pursued by men whom I was not interested in, and I never gave a reason, the fact that I was duckin' out is a clear message. After all those texts, emails, calls, and the guy didn't respond, for me it would be clear after the first no reply that he was not interested, and drop it. Yeah we all want it to work out. Be good to yourself.

[offplanet]

Thanks Cruzer Yeah what you said makes sense, but it just DRIVES me out of my mind not knowing why, he is NOT communicating with me. I want to think its because he's very busy with being at school full-time and working possibly, two jobs, if I remember right, but then again I think to myself he must have a small break in there somewhere, so if he truly was interested he'd take 2 mins out of his day to text or say Hi! Doesn't take much to text less then a minute! Obviously hes not interested or else he would be communicating and it sucks because I really wanted to get to know him better and hoped that it could turn to something down the road. Oh well his loss right???

 

This is the key to it, and on one level you see it, that hes NOT interested. ON another level, you didn't accept it, which is a bit of a problem, IMO, because really one needs to be able to read the signs, and accept the fact, even if the other person NEVER EXPLAINS WHY. Its life, they don't HAVE to explain. Many people find it too hard or embarassing to tell someone straight out, "I'm not interested". It wouldn't be an easy thing at all.

 

Of course if someone leaves us with no explanation, we want to know the reason (and hope its one that doesn't reflect on us badly), but actually, we dont have the RIGHT to an explanation. People can do what they want, and we have to deal with it. We might think they owe us an explanation, but actually, theres no law that says they have to give us one, no matter how upset it leaves us, no matter how upsetting it is not to have closure. It's life.

 

I know for a fact that if someones not interested, and if the other person pushes them in any way, the first person will tend to be more confirmed in his decision that he's not interested. Its just the way things work.

 

If you can see the sense of this, it will help you in future relationships. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's important to understand. And especially people met on the internet definitely do not owe us anything, even if they 'should'.

 

All the best

 

offplanet