My girlfriend may be on drugs...need help

[siefer]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for close to 4 months. I used to smoke weed alot in my past and now I've become so against it. I've told her this before. She said she was also. I also smoke cigarettes and she told me she used to, but never will. She only had one occasionally. But just last week she admitted to me that she does smoke cigarettes whenever she can get one, but she didnt want me to know for some odd reason since I also smoke. There have been times I've talked to her and she'd say she feels so extremely happy and start laughing for no reason. Just today, I was talking to her in school and her eyes were so red and dialated and she couldnt stop laughing. I even brought up if she has been doing them and she'd just say, "I'm not." then change the subject. She claims she's done it 3 or 4 times in her life. I know about weed. I used to do it 3 or 4 times a day for a year and then I stopped because it scared me on how I was becoming. I know that when someone smokes weed, its very gradual on how frequent they'll smoke it. I'm worried about her. The signs were there for me, but she denys that she is high and I have no proof. Please! please tell me what I can do! Do you guys think there's a possibility that she's not and if you think she is, how do you think I can get her to admit it? I care for her and I dont want her to become what I became. Please respond with any opinion you have. This is really important to me. Thank you

[Hopingpraying]

Well the only thing you can do is get her to talk about it. But know that you cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to do. If it is something that you can't live with then you need to explain to her that if she cannot give that up then it is the weed or you.

 

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, maybe you could get a friend to tip off her parents. Then you don't have to be the bad guy. Drugs are not good especially when you are trying to make it through school.

 

Good luck.

[lil_mamarains13]

You need to talk to her about it, explain to her your point and the fear you have of her doing this, and let her know if she wants to quit you will help her as much as you can. Of course she will not quit unless she wants to. You cannot force her to quit and if you try to she will only grow to resent you for it. You can only try and help her to stop, and show her the errors of her ways, but it is up to her to want to stop and it is up to her to let you help her stop. Good Luck!

[Tinkerbell]

You should talk to her about it but make sure not to accuse her. Start off by telling her how much you care about her and that you'd hate to see her go through what you did. Explain that she lied about smoking cigarettes, which was a betrayal of trust, and if she did it once how are you to know for sure that she isn't lying again? Tell her you're willing to support her and help her through her rough time. If she still denies it, there isn't much for you to do except wait. If in time she comes out and admits it, make sure she gets all the help she needs. However, if her situation does not improve and she's still in denial, perhaps you should talk to an adult who may be able to help. Teenagers tend to have the warped idea planted in their head that marijuana is harmless, and this obviously is not the case.

[thespianElly]

Siefer,

I noticed you mentioned that you were smoking about 3 or 4 times a day in the past and out of curiosity how exactly did it affect you mentally, etc. I'm asking because I've just come out of an emotionally draining relationship with a guy who smoked weed ALL the time and I wondered how much of an effect it had on our relationship and his behaviour. I just found it came to a point where I couldn't decide whether his behaviour was a result of the weed or simply him being him. If you have any comments on it I'd greatly like to hear about it.

As for advice to you...it's at times hard to be tactiful when you're trying to get someone to confess but even harder when it's someone close to you. I'm assuming she's obviously not smoking around you but things to look for are mostly (and this is going to sound really simple)-the smell. I could smell it in my ex-bf's pours it was that obvious. And the rest...breath, clothing, hair, etc are usually tell tale signs.

[jc_crazy1]

i think the best way to get out of this problem is to really talk to her seriously. you don't have to let her admit that she is using but analyze the situation carefully, you know what are the signs of using this drug and definitely you don't have to wait for her admission to take the necessary actions. first is tell her that you love her and care for her very much, not readily accusing her bcoz' you might hurt her feelings, then go on with the topic and find out why is she using that. ask the question yourself, is it because of me? is it because of our realtionship? is it about family problems? or just mere curiosity? then after you know what's the cause of it, you can know readily take necessary actions for her to stop using it.

[Hopingpraying]

ThespianElly,

 

I used to smoke pot. Not on a regular basis until my wife and I really started having problems. I used to think it didn't effect me or change me. It was just me doing something I enjoy. Well not that I have refocused(My wife claims it is a major reason for our divorce) I have quit.

 

I have noticed a big change in my outlook, and energy level. But that is just me. I guess you don't really notice what it takes out of you when you start of slow and then increase your usage slowly like I did. It drains you a bit. But I think it effects everyone differently.

[thespianElly]

thanks Hoping,

that helped. My ex never wanted to go anywhere, never wanted to do anything. I remember times where I would head over to his house and say, "hey, lets go out, do something, go for a walk, anything." and he would reply with a, "I don't feel like it, you can go if you want to, you're probably really bored anyway..." and it was so hurtful and just careless. It didn't help that his roomates would be smoking every time I walked in the door, so the environment only fed his addiction-really sucked. I'd imagine it does effect everyone differently which is probably why it's hard to pin point the exact outcomes from it's usage. Thanks anyway!

[simplycomplicated]

you need to be sort of a role model figure ini this case, my girl was into that stuff to, i could'nt stand it, i personally don't do drugs and she knew then that i hated it and i made it a point of showing her that i did'nt like it and i did'nt want anything to do with her, she seen how healthy i was and how i thought doing drugs was pretty much stupid, so out of love and respect for me, she quit.

If she loves you enough and you show that you won't take it, then she'll do one of two things, twll you to leave if you don't like it, or she'll do what she can with your help to try and quit.

[siefer]

hey guys thanks alot. I'll see what I can do. But Im not exactly sure if she is doing it. Someone asked what I noticed when I did weed and how it changed me. For me, people lost respect for me. It became my reputation, like, "oh, he's just a stoner." Its what I used to be known for. I do admit, it was fun, but not worth it. It made me careless. My parents started noticing how I just seemed out of it, even when I wasnt stoned and I'd be all paranoid all the time at home and have to hide it in my room. I became extremely forgetful. It caused problems with my friends and I became known as an idiot. I never felt like doing anything either. I'm doing better now, but Im so worried about my girlfriend. I cant let her go that path. I wont put up with it. I dont ever want to go through that again. All in all, I was just plain scared all the time. It was a really bad time in my life

[jazzman]

I'm currently going through a similar situation and I also have a post about it. Personally, I'm taking the "be there and be supportive as she tries to quit but make sure she knows it's pot or me" approach. It's hard because the thought of losing her scares me.

 

The only advice I can offer is that if you feel that strongly about it (As i do) then don't back down on that.

 

I hope it works out!

[pastela]

maybe you should not focus on the drugs first (cause if shes doing them and not admitting it, she may be addicted and its going to be very hard to just stop) if you really care about her.. (i mean you want her to stop, and you dont know what to do) try to get some of her trust. I know trust is an issue with drugs. But ask her how shes feeling, get to know why she feels the need for these drugs if shes doing them. Dont ask her directly at first, ask her about her life, once you gain this trust (if your willing to work with her) maybe you can confront her and tell her excately how you feel, dont tell her why its wrong, tell her what its doing to her and you. Then decide on an option is she is willing to give it up.

Goodluck, drugs are a very hard issue to deal with and most people focus on the person doing the drugs not what the drugs are doing to the person. Its a disease as is being an alocholic, its hard to quit over night, its a process.

Take care,

Liz

[lxlsubzer0lxl]

dude, i use to be a pot head too but im against it now too lol. neways...1 of my best friends thats a girl tried x 1 time, told me she wouldnt do it again and that same night she did and diddnt like it... again. i duno, it sucks i dont like hangin out with people who do hardcore drugs like that. we dont take much ne more, which sucks. if i were u id talk to her bout it

[stinagen]

ok she might not be on pot she might just be like a few hommies i have and just be randomly happy but if she is you need to ask your self if she smoked a joint in front of you and you cude still say i love you than than it shudent matter if she smokes or not if you cant say that than brake up with her your not in love

[Flux]

So, you think shes smoked weed a few times? And it does sound like she was a little mullered. But its up to her if she smokes it...

 

Sure, you're worried but you were a very regular smoker for a long time so if you've only seen her high (or you've thought she was) a few times, chances are if she had a captain redeye on the go and had the giggles she a pretty novice smoker, considering after a few times using you skip the fun part and go straight to the 'monging out' stage. She's probably just larking around and having a couple joints with friends if she is, there isn't a way you an help someone if they are experimenting with drugs..

 

You sound like you're both pretty young, and you haven't been together long, I'm sorry if it not what you want to here, but 4 months isn't a long enough time for you to start helping with her using drugs, especially since weed is the least dangerous drug around. I could understand you worrying if you found a crack pipe, but she's just a teenage pissing around with weed. She can either stop by herself, decide she doesnt wanna pay for it, decide that she can't be bothered with it or just decide she doesnt like bieng mullered.

I think if you try making her stop something she is just trying she could just resent you for it, espeially since she hasn't admitted to you that she was blazed. I know if someone tried to tell me too stop I'd resent them for it (Granted I'm not your gf, but you know what I mean)

 

Butt talk to her about it and see what she says, you can't do amymore, if you tell her to stop she'll pull the 'double standard' card, as you used to smoke it...

[rbr85]

I'd love to date a girl who smoked marijuana. So what if she's smoking pot? What's the big deal? Just tell her you don't like it, and if she wishes to continue either respect it or move on.

 

If I found out my girlfriend was smoking cigarettes I would flip! Nicotine is a horribly addictive drug and tobacco takes thousands of lives.

 

If I caught her high, I'd ask why she hasn't passed the pipe yet.