Not close enough to be Valentines, but cries when I breakup

[JoJo90814]

So i was dating this guy for about three months and we had been intimate. We really had similar personalities and a lot of fun together. I felt a connection with him and was very attracted to him. But the problems came when he told me all of these things but they were inconsistent with his actions. I felt like he was kinda shady esp. since he is the lead singer in a band. Sometimes things just wouldnt match up. Also, we live about an hour apart and both have very busy schedules so it was challenging and I kinda blamed his behavior on that. But he said he really liked me, felt attached and connected to me, we were kindred spirits etc. Then after saying all of those things he never made an effort to see me. He would be doing nothing and still not suggest to see me. He was all over the place with that he wanted a relationship, to he couldnt get close to anyone right now, to getting upset if I didnt text or call him back soon enough, to saying he's extremely attached to me and Im the only good thing in his life, to he's so busy but wants to make this work when his schedule lightens, to his schedule will never lighten. The final straw for me was on Valentines he didnt ask me out because he said we are not at that point in our relationship to have a romantic Valentines date. Then on Valentines he sent me a Happy V Day text at 940 at night and got upset when i wrote nothing back.

Anyways that was it for me and I decided to break it off with him. I couldnt take the roller coaster and unhealthiness. THe thing is when I broke it off he started to cry! He said he didnt want to stop talking to me, he felt like he was losing a friend, he's still here if I change my mind. It ended on good terms and then within an hour he deleted me as his friend on myspace and facebook!!

 

Anyways right now Im just feeling like a sucka. Just that when someone is into you, you know it, and they make time to spend with you. I feel like I was played the whole time and that his whole drama was an act. That he was never really into me and the crying was his unhealthy way of keeping me to build his ego. Im really angry and hurt right now and just wanted to see other peoples perspective on the situation.

[NJRon]

Sounds like he has some serious issues... in reading your description, I don't think there is anything you should have done differently. Count yourself lucky that it ended after only a few months and that, by removing you as an online friend, you have less opportunity to have to interact with him.

 

review the red flags that cropped up in your brief relationship and keep them in mind so that, hopefully, you wil not invest yourself similarly in the future.

 

It doesn't look like he necessarily purposely played you, but his unhealthy state may make it seem like that.

[ellandroader]

I know how you feel.....my girlfriend and I split in a very similar situation, except she became somewhat distant and unresponsive which forced my hand. I didn't like doing it but it seemed the best thing to do was to end it.

 

She too had commitment problems and a fear of getting attached but her words and promises of wanting it to work were not consistent with her behaviour.

 

I don't know what to say other than that you did the right thing. I don't think you were played but they did have issues to resolve of their own first.

 

Take care.

[shin88f]

sheesh, sounds like you went through a lot. This guy definitely has issues and it is unrealistic to expect him to maintain a healthy relationship. I feel like you did the right thing in breaking up with him. I know it hurts, but I didn't see your situation getting any better.

 

I don't know if he was playing you or not; only he knows that. Some guys do that and some don't. Personally, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. You will find yourself less angry if you believe that he was really trying in the situation he was in. What he did is still wrong, but he has some issues to work out. I hope he doesn't hurt anyone else and that he gets it together some day.

[yellow_sweater]

Uh... it almost sounds like you were dating a set of twins. His behavior was pretty erratic.

 

Bullet dodged. I don't think you have anything to feel sorry about.

 

YS

[annie24]

eeesh! he doesn't have issues - he has an entire subscription! good riddance, hope he and his multiple personalities figure things out.

[JoJo90814]

Its crazy but in all the craziness I cant take the fact that it may have been all an act. That the way he felt about me wasnt real. My sister thinks he was shady and that he was just stringing me along to stroke his ego. I just feel like a sucker that was used to be there in his time of need. The crying and getting upset was his way of trying to keep me sucked in so to say. Is that off the wall?