What keeps us from accepting that it's really over?

[SighSob]

Yes, WE can. We can't allow ourselves to crumble over ONE person. Look how many wonderful, beautiful, amazing, single people there are out there!!

 

True. Also, to focus on other girls helps getting over your ex...I think it's the thing that helps the most besides working on yourself.

[JT4266]

I hear you and I know there's a world of girls out there waiting, but...I only want her

 

Brokenheart I think you and I are going through similar situations....I broke up with my ex for valid reasons at the time even though I loved her and I still do. When I tried to reconcile and let go of everything that had happened in our relationship I found out she had moved on and was in another relationship. She said she didn't want to jeopardize it which told me she was happy and of course I'm happy for her but not so happy for myself.

 

I've been trying to move on but it seems like I take one step forward and then 2 steps back. I had called her a couple months ago to say hello and she never responded yet I still have the urge to email her even though common sense says not to. I read this thread and deleted the email before I sent it.

 

She was my first and only love. Even though I've been dating other girls it seems like my thoughts always come back to her.

[BrokenheartUK]

I know, I tried going out on a couple of dates but they only served to remind me just how unready I was. Still, I had a good time and at least I took the plunge. As SighSob said, it did make me feel better. I just enjoy female company so I figure if I can make new friends out of it than that's not so bad.

 

 

 

We are in exactly the same boat then dude and I feel for you, believe me! It gets so bizarre and interesting (is that the right word?) when the 'dumper' becomes the 'dumpee', it's karma I guess.

 

The only thing that has helped me is going completely NC (no texts, calls, emails, I have deleted all my social networking sites and blocked her on msn etc.). It still doesn't stop the thoughts though and sometimes I think I will never be able to move on. It's not a case of wanting what I can't have, I genuinely do love her and miss her for the person she is, not the relationship we had (although obviously I do miss that too).

 

If you ever want to talk, PM me and I will do my best to respond. We can get each other through this

[StillSmiling]

Party in San Diego! =) Time and Date to be announced - when I get 6 months NC to really happen! HA!

[quirky]

God, this sounds so much like my situation..We're both finding it very hard to let go, it's been an on-off situation for a while. Irony is if we met now, we'd get on so much better.Do you speak to each other now?

[bw92116]

Clinging to that hope is what keeps me from accepting that it's over. If I get a little crumb of attention or tiny reinforcement or something that says, "Yeah I still like you" that sort of gives me a license in my mind to cling to that hope that it might get better. It would be better for me if they just flat out said, "No it's over." But they don't want to hurt my feelings so they don't say something which seems cruel to say. So instead they are nice about it and even spend a little time, then that refills my "hope trap." That's a term I got from the book "Letting Go." The Hope Trap can keep you mired indefinitely, hoping that it might get better, just on a scant bit of evidence. They may ignore you for 6 weeks, but then are willing to spend 10 minutes having a nice conversation, and that gives you some hope, which wipes out the 6 weeks of feeling neglected. I'm currently still stuck in one of these Hope Traps myself, though I can see out of it, I still haven't finally given up the last bit of hope. But in a way you have to give up all hope, if you truly want to move on from it.

[Tom1990]

The last time I accepted it was over, she came back to me. Not only that, but you know after you break up with someone and you think of all the things you wanted to do but didn't? Yeah, we pretty much did all of those things.

 

This is still digging on me. Just as I start to accept it's over, a small part of me always says "Yeah remember the last time you felt that way? You were so wrong then weren't ya?"