Insecure in conversations?

[Unmotivated]

I've been dating a girl for a few months now and I knew her for a while before that. I really like her, but there's something she does that kind of bother me.

 

A lot of times when I try to tell her something I think is interesting she sort of ignores me, makes a joke out of it, or responds by relating her own experience (in a tone that's like: "that's nothing! wait til you hear my story!"). Sometimes I try to talk to her about something that, frankly, I know she doesn't really have much experience with and she'll just shortly respond with "Yeah.", in an "everybody knows that" sort of manner or she'll try to relate it to something she knows about that doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about.

 

The context here is that we're both art students. I'm older and I'm a senior in college, whereas she's just starting the art program. She seems to really admire my experience, so it seems like maybe she feels inadequate compared to me and so she's kind of insecure about it and feels like she has to 'prove' herself to me by impressing me with her knowledge and experience, but really I just find it annoying and frustrating--It doesn't feel like we have authentic conversations when she's like this.

 

Like I said I really like her and this isn't a huge issue but I feel like I need to deal with it somehow. Maybe I'm part to blame.. Maybe I shouldn't let it get to me and just accept how she acts. Should I just talk to her about it and tell her how I fell? Should I wait until she does something like this again and tell her that I don't appreciate it when she acts that way?

 

Thanks, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[gromalamaz]

I think that you should talk to her about it -- there's nothing wrong with being open about things. I will say, however, that I can be like that to a degree (not dismissive about other people's experiences) -- for me, it's a way of connecting with people and letting them know that I understand them and their experiences (as well as signaling that I'm actively listening and involved in the conversation). I have had people that have brought it to my attention and talked about it with me, and they understand that I'm doing it out of 'connecting' rather than being dismissive or dominating. Everyone communicates in different ways. I hope that helps a bit...

[vermilion]

You know, maybe you two just aren't in sync with each other. There's just nothing there, not much chemistry. I've had that sort of thing happen to me and usually I find out I'm not into them enough to make an effort. Even If you talk to her about it, she's not likely to change. That's a pretty decided character trait by that age, you know?

How you talk to people isn't going to change with one conversation. And if only a few months have gone by and you find yourself annoyed with her... not a promising sign.

 

But really it's best to use your discretion- since you're the one in the relationship after all. Just follow your gut.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is part of her personality...I suspect she is like that with everyone. I have met people like her and I can only take them in small doses..they may be kind people but their know-it-all nature rubs me the wrong way because they basically act patronizing. In a sense it is a very passive aggressive way of putting someone else down in order to build up their own self esteem which is sorely lacking.