I know it's over but I can't understand it.

[asthesparrow]

My boyfriend and I broke up and well for the first three weeks he was very willing to just have a break and come back when he was ready. I was happy with that, although it was hard having a break and not talking to him, at least he would come back one day. I'm not ready to leave him, I still love him with all my heart despite all the pain he has brought me.

He just told me earlier that he thinks we should go our separate ways.

It hurt me so much. Eight months ago he told me he wouldn't ever give up on us, and I hate that he is giving up without trying to make it work.

He's going to call me in the next few days to talk, I haven't properly spoken to him in three weeks and I am just dying to hear his voice so much.

 

I know talking to him won't do any good.. I just want to know why he's giving up. Only a few days ago he told me how much he loved me and that he didn't want to leave. I hate that I have ruined my relationship with the one I love.

I hate that I am losing my best friend.

I wish I could turn back time, or make him change his mind.

Hurting so much today.

[SpeedingCars]

I'm so sorry. I know it hurts...

Everything happens for a reason. I don't know if getting the answers as to WHY he wants to split is going to help. Closure is something you must find within yourself.

 

Cry it all out, it really helps.

 

Why are you blaming yourself for the failure of your relationship?

[1MoreChance]

I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I know, It' VERY VERY painful.

 

you bf sounds confused. and you cannot unconfuse a confused person. if you put pressure on them, they get worse. being confused is already a lot of pressure.

 

sadly people often say things too fast, without understanding or thinking or the consequences, like "I will never leave you". I have learned to not pay too much attetnion to those types of statements, especially coming from an insecure, immature or confused person, no matter how much they do care about me.

 

you will either need a LOT of conversations, before you can lt go and go into NC at least temporarilly, or you will need to go into NC right away. For me and my ex, the solution was the former, meaning we talked it out a LOT before we were ready to go NC. the last conversation was last night, on the phone for a couple hours, heart to heart, feelings, fears, confusion, mistakes, and forgiveness...

 

if you need support we're here.

 

stay strong, it will pass, ok?

[1MoreChance]

I'm so sorry. I know it hurts...

Everything happens for a reason. I don't know if getting the answers as to WHY he wants to split is going to help. Closure is something you must find within yourself.

 

Cry it all out, it really helps.

 

Why are you blaming yourself for the failure of your relationship?

 

closure comes from both within oneself and by conversing in a truthful way with the loved one we are trying to let go of, IMO.

 

I also believe everything happens for a reason to the extent that we lend it meaning... I believe more in chaos and coincidence, and timing and choice, than I believe in destiny...

 

cry all you can, it helps a lot. some night I cried SO MUCH that I was HIGH (and quite serene) for the rest of the day and the next day. full of endorphins from the overwhleming pain, probably.

 

ya, I forgot to say, don't blame yourself. or him. you both did your best (anyway, you did, him I don't know...). Live and learn.

 

take care. go take a hot bath, and light candles, and cry.

hug a teddy bear. make yourself a really hot camomille.

call a friend to talk. play with your cat or dog. go for a walk and look at the sky...

[asthesparrow]

thanks for the advice guys.

speedingcars: i sort of ruined things by doing something against his wishes and it made him really angry at me. it's too long to explain but because of it he's too angry to talk to me, even though it was me who called things off and he begged for me to come back.

1morechance: we are talking sometime soon which i really do need i think. i want to hear his voice, i want to know how he's feeling, i want to know if he just wants to go our own way for now until he's recovered and healed himself. i have a feeling he means "go our separate ways" forever but i don't know ... i know he wants to be with me deep down.

 

ergh. i cant stop crying.

[1MoreChance]

thanks for the advice guys.

speedingcars: i sort of ruined things by doing something against his wishes and it made him really angry at me. it's too long to explain but because of it he's too angry to talk to me, even though it was me who called things off and he begged for me to come back.

1morechance: we are talking sometime soon which i really do need i think. i want to hear his voice, i want to know how he's feeling, i want to know if he just wants to go our own way for now until he's recovered and healed himself. i have a feeling he means "go our separate ways" forever but i don't know ... i know he wants to be with me deep down.

 

ergh. i cant stop crying.

 

Like I said, I was like a faucet until very recently. our last talk allowed me to finally start hurting less... I sat at the coputer on this website and craying many times...

 

so the story is, u broke up, he begged, u said no, and now he needs time and u regret everyhting and want him back? just trying to get a clear picture... regardless, it sound slike u both need time...

 

expressing your feelings and your truth and being heard, I find to be very healing.

[SpeedingCars]

Well, it's just that I think you shouldn't depend on somebody else for closure... although it may help.

 

Whatever works for you, by all means, do it.

 

Do not be so hard on yourself, especially at this time! Your emotions are raw right now and the last thing you need to do is be an enemy to yourself. Right now, time is on your side. I'm telling you, it heals everything.

 

Give him his space... things always work out.

Two things will happen: you will either move on or he will come back.

 

I don't know if you believe in God or anything, but praying brought me through some tough times. Only because I felt calm and at ease.

 

I have been in your shoes and I'm pretty sure I'll be in them again. It never gets less painful.

 

Crying is a healthy outlet. I kept a journal for some time... I threw it away recently because looking at it reminded me of a dark time in my life which I wanted to move on from. But at the moment, it helped relieve myself of the anxiety and stress.

ENA is here for you

[asthesparrow]

Like I said, I was like a faucet until very recently. our last talk allowed me to finally start hurting less... I sat at the coputer on this website and craying many times...

 

so the story is, u broke up, he begged, u said no, and now he needs time and u regret everyhting and want him back? just trying to get a clear picture... regardless, it sound slike u both need time...

 

expressing your feelings and your truth and being heard, I find to be very healing.

 

i was upset, he wasn't making effort and i didn't feel like i was in a relationship... so i brought it up and it upset him, he got defensive. didn't talk to me for days. i called his mum, told her what was going on that he was hurting me and lying to me, hiding from me, etc.

he now hates me for going to his mum for advice even though she is always there for me. he refused to talk to me so i called her to vent & cry. i was hysterical.

he's still so young, so i feel like he just wants to forget about us and move on, see other people.

i'm not ready to, i just love him so much. i don't know what to do. i just wish he'd give me another chance, and i feel so bad that i brought this on, i could still be with him now, but i stuffed it all up.

[asthesparrow]

i know, crying feels so good!! and being able to vent here on ENA whenever i want is such a relief!!

i just can't wait to talk to him, i know i will get closure that way.

i hope he wants to work it out eventually, even if it's not for months... i don't want to be without him for the rest of my life. he means so much to me.

[1MoreChance]

you tried to talk to him, and he got angry with you... not very good... u have to consider whether this person will help you heal or hurt you more, should u talk to him...

 

and calling his mom is a very bad idea...

 

you didn't ruin everything... stop blaming yourself.

 

yuo are in a state of withdrawal it seems. give yourself some time and take care of yourself.