introspect Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 my gf of a year and a half ended things with me 2 days ago. I feel like utter * * * * . I thought this was one of those temporary things but she made it clear it wasn't. so anyway.. I barely have any friends.. she was the only one i had and like well i need some advice on getting over this.. im not the first person who's been dumped so i guess things can only get better from here. so... when does it get easier to sleep? Link to comment
arwen Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hi introspect, I'm sorry you're going through this. I think for most people, it takes some time to recover from the first blow. It's just been two days, give yourself some time and treat yourself well. Getting more socially active may help you, maybe you could join a sports club or meet people through yoga classes (also good for the mind). As for eating and sleeping. I think both were very very hard for me when I was dealing with a break up. I subconsciously dreaded going to sleep, because I hated that moment when you wake up and don't fully realize what has happened, and then it crushes down on you. Sleep-deprivation is a form of coping, did you know that? By being so tired, you feel more numb, and the pain gets a bit covered up by the fatigue. I remember not sleeping for days and days after my break up, but after a while I was so tired, I slept a good night and felt a lot better. If your sleeping problems persist for longer than a week, go to a doctor. Meanwhile, cut down on your caffeine intake, don't smoke (if you do) right before you go to bed, take a hot bath or shower before sleep, or try falling asleep while listening to talk radio (soft). I put my bed in the living room so I could fall asleep in front of the tv. Also worked. You will get over this, and find you're stronger than before. Hang in there Link to comment
introspect Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 Thank you so much. Seeing her in school is simply devastating. I tried to talk to her but she refused... I finally got her alone after school and she yelled and fought me and said that she didn't want anything to do with me but I just don't get it why? Why can't we stay friends and not make this a bad breakup? Why did she care about me one day and hate me the next? AFAIK I didn't do anything to cause this sudden hate. Thanks for listening anyone.. Link to comment
Nina_2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Hey, I know it is really bad when you do not understand why... What is necessary in my opinion to get over any bad situation is to understand what really caused it and take a lesson from it. Any bad situation is happening for a reason that helps us to become to benefit in terms of a self growth. I would recommend to switch the focus from the drama of not being able to be with this person again to why it had happened to me. And also you need to believe that if someone dumps you it means that this person was not for you, that you deserve someone better for yourself. Even if there were your faults (usually it is too things: you were too dependent on your partner and it was unbearable for her to take it or you were too independent or cold and your partner got tired of not being able to be herself with you), the person who truly loves you would understand and things would be worked out. So most likely the fact that she broke up with you means that she didn't love you, may be she was just attracted to you for a while. I would make an effort to understand that and feel happy for her that she did something for herself by breaking up with me. It sounds like a difficult thing to do, but really worth it because it relieves the pain. As for sleeping and eating - now you are stressed and that a natural stress reaction. Your body tenses up and accumulates it's strength by abandoning it's normal functions to preserve all energy to cope with stress. Help your body with your mind and spirit and sleep will come the moment you will do your work. I have no doubt that you will find a happy and satisfying relationship, your love story is still stored for you in a future, look forward to it! Link to comment
introspect Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Thank you ma'am I appreciate it. I've come to terms with everything and I'm actually kind of glad she ended it. I'm leaving to the marines in 4 months and yeah I guess she didn't want to be "the girl back home" Maybe. But I do think that hey, she should not HATE me. I didn't do anything I tried my best and she didn't like me big deal don't be my gf but can we at least be acquaintances and not enemies? I would understand if I cheated or idk did something horrible but there was nothing.. and now that I agree with the breakup, I think it will help me get through it if i got my FRIEND back. She wasted my life for almost one and a half years, why not make it in the least bit a little bit easier for me? anyway thanks a lot, sleep was hard last night as well.. and yeah no breakfast but i'm hanging in there... thanks Link to comment
Nina_2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Introspect, the fact she "hates" you, I think, is the result of her need to justify somehow for herself her breakup. It is very possible that she just didn't want to be "a girl" who is waiting for someone in army. She probably didn't want to acknowledge this for herself/you or both. So she blamed her breakup on you by demonstrating her hate. I do not believe she actually hates you, more likely it is a hate towards herself, but she just redirected it on you. She sounds as not so strong person, these people would never think about how it make easier for someone to deal with situation. They barely can take care of themselves. Link to comment
introspect Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Introspect, the fact she "hates" you, I think, is the result of her need to justify somehow for herself her breakup. It is very possible that she just didn't want to be "a girl" who is waiting for someone in army. She probably didn't want to acknowledge this for herself/you or both. So she blamed her breakup on you by demonstrating her hate. I do not believe she actually hates you, more likely it is a hate towards herself, but she just redirected it on you. She sounds as not so strong person, these people would never think about how it make easier for someone to deal with situation. They barely can take care of themselves. Actually she has been very unstable in the past. I caught her cheating once, and she yelled at ME for looking through her stuff even though she had been doing it for a month she cursed and yelled at me and I had to go chase her when all I wanted was a sorry. Well that was the second time. We broke up 5 days ago and she now appears to be best friends with the person she cheated with the first time. It hurt to see but it makes me dislike her more. I talked to her today because I want my sweater back, lol, but I want to be done caring and I hope I can sleep tonight and I hope that I'm over this immature *female dog* soon Thanks for listening, it feels so good to vent. None of the people who i talk to really know what I'm going through. Link to comment
introspect Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 okay so two days ago I asked for my sweater back and she gave me my sweater and my belt but she put it in my locker, apparently she didn't have the balls to give them to me to my face. I didn't talk to her all day yesterday so I've begun NC and I've never done this, so it feels hard already. As long as I avoid her in school my day goes by pretty smoothly. I already feel like talking to her but eh >_ Link to comment
arwen Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I think it's wise that you do NC as much as you can. Talking to her would be painful, esp if she would appear happy or whatever. I think she feels bad too- but that's her problem not yours. After a while it will all feel more normal. You will start being interested in other girls, and start dating again. At the moment life feels a bit life surviving, but the good news is that you WILL survive and feel better in time. Link to comment
introspect Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I think it's wise that you do NC as much as you can. Talking to her would be painful, esp if she would appear happy or whatever. I think she feels bad too- but that's her problem not yours. After a while it will all feel more normal. You will start being interested in other girls, and start dating again. At the moment life feels a bit life surviving, but the good news is that you WILL survive and feel better in time. thanks for responding. I do feel a lot better today I had so much going on I found out she's "talking" to the girl she cheated on me with before already... so I guess they have been talking to eachother/possibly messing around before we even broke up it actually makes me feel good because a) the girl is such a downgrade lol. b) she's a rebound and getting my sloppy seconds... and c) now i'm pretty sure she broke up with me because of the lack of sex. (lack of sex because I didn't trust her) Oh happy day I feel so much better hahah I hope it lasts until the worst holiday ever Link to comment
learnin2trust Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Did she say why? Had the relationship been going well? Were you compatible? I need more info in order to give an appropriate response. Also, I feel your pain, since my relationship of almost two years ended last week. Okay, wait, I did read a further post where you said she was unstable in the past. Link to comment
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