crosstownTraffic Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I agree with ilovemy... tell him you're involved and seeing someone else.. hey.. you cud be even e-mailing someone you met offline! How is he to know?? I tell ya, if you are getting the "creep" signals NOW.. then it's your mind's way of telling you this guy is NOT right for you.. To tell him this, "just tell him that you received many texts about the baby and were a bit overwhelmed, sorry." Is basically just giving him hope and leading him on.. He seems rather thick-skinned and oblivious to the fact you are NOT %ed. Plus.. if he turns out to BE a creep, the fact you've mentioned a BF will likely keep him from hounding you.. as opposed to the.."I'm just not into dating right now" I know it's rather bad to lie to someone, but sometimes we women have to lie to keep ourselves safe! It's sad, but it's true... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I know it's a lie and lying is bad and all that good stuff but... I'd probably go the boyfriend route... Slip it into conversation.. "My boyfriend and I did *this*" blah blah. At least then he'll think you're off limits..hopefully. Yes, but he likely will figure out that is not true, and you never know he may have friends that would be appropriate for her. Link to comment
angellight Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Wow.. He really does sound pushy...I would hate to have someone following me around the gym, especially if you ARE single, there are so many opportunities to meet guys with the same interest as you there.. Hmmmm...Since you mentioned that you have met a lot of friends there, do you think it would be possible to discreetly mention your problem to one of the guys (preferably a good looking kind of big guy) and ask them to work out with you a couple times when he is around...just to send him a clear message... That ought to get him to back off without any confrontations on your part. Maybe you could pick a guy that YOUR a little interested in...That way you could kill two birds with one stone (If your single, that is) Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Haha if I had the guts to talk to the guys I'm interested in, that would be great!! Unfortunately most of the people I'm friendly with there are in their 40's and 50's and few that are my age are either taken and go to the gym with their SO or are female. And as far as telling him I have a boyfriend, two issues. One, this is a small gym and a lot of people know me and know that I'm single so I don't think that would fly for long. And two, I don't want that to get around to a guy I would be interested in dating. And you know what, I've used that before on another creepy gym guy when I DID have a boyfriend and it did not deter him at all. He's still not getting the hint. I got another text from him this afternoon saying the same thing. I've ignored it still. I'm really hoping I don't run into him tonight, it's getting very weird. I understand about brutal honesty, but I don't feel it's appropriate to tell someone I'm not interested in dating him before he's even asked me out. If he does, I'll say no then. Link to comment
angellight Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Is there one guy in the gym that you DO kind of like???(that appears to be single) Link to comment
chrisWIP Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I decided just not to answer at this point. I get the sense that he's the type of guy to not pick up on hints since he's been so pushy so far. And he honestly is creeping me out a bit since I met him once and he's already deciding to follow me around the gym and do his workout with me. Hopefully not answering will send a big enough hint that he won't ask about it the next time I see him. Wait what? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I decided just not to answer at this point. I get the sense that he's the type of guy to not pick up on hints since he's been so pushy so far. And he honestly is creeping me out a bit since I met him once and he's already deciding to follow me around the gym and do his workout with me. Hopefully not answering will send a big enough hint that he won't ask about it the next time I see him. Thank you everyone for your advice. I used to do this. Trust me, next time just be upfront. It makes things so much easier and well, it's just nicer for him to know upfront he's wasting his time. He may just keep callin and calling and calling. And then you'll see him at the gym and have to lie or something about the "broken phone" lol. Link to comment
chrisWIP Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 it's just nicer for him to know upfront he's wasting his time. Seriously. Get tough. It IS the right thing to do. Link to comment
angellight Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Next time this guy follows you just continue working out and when a cute guy walks buy INTENTLY watch him in the mirror with a slight smile on your face, after he passes look at the guy who's been following you and wisper "oh my god, he is sooo cute, just my type". And if there is someone you DO like, it soooo easy to talk to a guy in the gym. Just wait till he is doing free weights and work out next to him, then ask him to spot you (stand behind you to make sure you dont drop the weights or hurt yourself or help you with those last few reps)...Another way is to wait till he gets on a machine and ask if you could jump in with him and take turns....It is soooo easy.... or you could ask him how to use a particular machine. Link to comment
chrisWIP Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Next time this guy follows you just continue working out and when a cute guy walks buy INTENTLY watch him in the mirror with a slight smile on your face, after he passes look at the guy who's been following you and wisper "oh my god, he is sooo cute, just my type". Sure, emasculate the poor guy. What is wrong with voicing what you're actually concerned about again? And how is that better than dragging him through the mud by not being direct? Link to comment
angellight Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Sure, emasculate the poor guy. What is wrong with voicing what you're actually concerned about again? And how is that better than dragging him through the mud by not being direct? Noooo. it is not emasculating him...It is a tactful way of saying I like you as a friend....especially since he hasnt asked her out yet You know your confiding in him like you would a girlfriend..what is wrong with that, its better than your not my type or I'm just not interested... Link to comment
angellight Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 What is wrong with voicing what you're actually concerned about again? And how is that better than dragging him through the mud by not being direct? And besides how do you voice your concern when he hasnt actually asked her out yet..It is possible, not likely, that he only wants a friend too. Hey you keep calling and texting me and following me around so I just want to tell you up front if your looking for a friend thats cool but if your looking for more, Im not the girl for you... Besides this way he will have a clue before he puts himself on the line by asking her out, so if she has to shoot him down he has been forewarned.. Seems almost like she is saving his feelings... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 OK, so for those of you who insist that I have to tell him I'm not interested at this stage, you tell me HOW to tell someone that I don't want to go out with him when he hasn't even asked me out. angellight, it sounds easy but I just can't pull that stuff off! And any of the regular guys would know it's an act because I lift weights all the time and I have a personal trainer. I know all the trainers and I feel like it would be SO obvious. It's annoying because I can start a conversation with anyone, except for someone I think is attractive haha. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 When I am not interested, I call the guy immediately and tell him. He has no excuse for continued advancements after that point. You're getting worried over nothing, you wouldn't be worried if you were just honest and communicative. Even if he hasn't asked you can say, "I hope you understand that I just want a friendship with you." If he says, "thats all I wanted," or anything, you can just say "good" or respond however and then you can still be friendly with him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I've never been comfortable telling a man who hasn't asked me out on a date that I am not interested in dating him - unless it was in a bar or a club and he was obviously hitting on me - saying that sounds so presumptuous in my opinion. Link to comment
angellight Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Even if he hasn't asked you can say, "I hope you understand that I just want a friendship with you." If he says, "thats all I wanted," or anything, you can just say "good" or respond however and then you can still be friendly with him. This is porbably the one I would feel MOST comfortable with, if I felt the need to be totally up front. It WOULD work. I've never been comfortable telling a man who hasn't asked me out on a date that I am not interested in dating him - unless it was in a bar or a club and he was obviously hitting on me - saying that sounds so presumptuous in my opinion. I couldnt agree more with this post, presumptuous is the perfect description, and the reason most of us would not feel comfortable laying it on the line at this point in time.. angellight, it sounds easy but I just can't pull that stuff off! And any of the regular guys would know it's an act because I lift weights all the time and I have a personal trainer. I know all the trainers and I feel like it would be SO obvious. It's annoying because I can start a conversation with anyone, except for someone I think is attractive haha. We all get tongue tied and a little nervous when we are attracted to someone at first..There is a risk, noone likes rejection. But asking for a spot is perfectly normal in the gym setting and waiting for a machine or sharing one is also the norm...You only would feel obvious because you know that your kind of planning it...If it was a female or a guy you didn't find attractive you wouldn't think twice about it... When I first met my husband, I let him put his arm around me and help me to aim the pool stick and give me pointers even though I knew perfectly well how to play pool.. It's part of flirting and being a little coy Link to comment
yumicecream Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I just think that if you're not interested and someone is making you feel very uncomfortable, that there is an instant remedy: communication. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I just think that if you're not interested and someone is making you feel very uncomfortable, that there is an instant remedy: communication. Yes, in general that is true but the communication needs to be appropriate for the situation and the communicator needs to be comfortable with what is being said, when, and how. I would not be comfortable telling someone I had to see every single time I went to the gym that I wasn't romantically interested in him where he hadn't even asked me out on a date yet. So, my communication choices would be more in line with what the OP has planned to do. There's not just one way to communicate. Link to comment
wolfinfang Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Yes, in general that is true but the communication needs to be appropriate for the situation and the communicator needs to be comfortable with what is being said, when, and how. I would not be comfortable telling someone I had to see every single time I went to the gym that I wasn't romantically interested in him where he hadn't even asked me out on a date yet. So, my communication choices would be more in line with what the OP has planned to do. There's not just one way to communicate. Just say it there's not point in dodging around this issue it'll only hurt him more guys prefer directness Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 I agree with Batya. There are different types of communication and it is just not appropriate to tell someone who has NOT asked me out on a date that I don't want to date him. You don't approach someone you've just met and say, hey just in case you were thinking of dating me, it's not gonna happen! It's just rude. I think he may be starting to get it. He was at the gym yesterday and saw me on the stepper. He came over and got on the bike next to my machine, but I said like two words to him and then put my music back on and occupied myself with my magazine and the TV. When he got off he asked if I was doing weights and I told him no. He left me alone for the rest of the time. Hopefully that's the end of that! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Just say it there's not point in dodging around this issue it'll only hurt him more guys prefer directness Yes, but directness in this case -- according to your definition of directness ---would be presuming he wants to ask her out. He hasn't directly asked her out. Link to comment
dr_styles Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 In a little rush so I've only been able to skim the posts - but have you just tried lying? I'm a guy and even this is a little creepy. So if you guessed wrong and he starts trying again can't you just drop the meeting-a-boyfriend-soon line? Something like that. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 hey dr styles...normally I would drop that line but there are guys at the gym I'd be open to getting to know better so I don't want it spreading around that I have a boyfriend. Plus he seems to be kinda friendly with some of the staff that I'm friends with and they know I'm single. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 There are all kinds of ways to communicate. What you did was also effective, so there you go. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Yea he got the hint. I haven't heard from him. Phew!! Link to comment
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