optimistic/pessimistic

[parlae]

ok, this is a big question that has been on my mind lately..

 

ever since i have joined these forums, i've only heard people saying things like:

"he's your ex for a reason", "it's over.move on", etc.

things that are basically saying there is NO chance in hell that the ex will come back or even a reason for me to want him back. and its all making me feel really pessimistic.

 

i'm not knocking your opinions/advice, but i just cant help but wonder why all the negativity.

i know its just honest opinions.

but i'm sorry, i love my ex unconditionally...and i DO want him back.

is it so bad to want to believe that our relationship and what we had was true??

 

call me crazy, i guess...

 

 

(ps: i'm not trying to start an argument at all. just a discussion)

[SighSob]

My point of view:

 

He is your ex for a reason, and you have to move on. That's true. Now we all wish for our ex's to take us back - even the ones who say "I would never take him back", "I am healed and moving on"... - but at the same time you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for someone who DUMPED you.

 

Moving on is required. Healing is required. Your life & happiness can't depend on your ex, because even if he came back the relationship would be unbalanced and unhealthy.

 

I can't let go of hope and I don't like the pessimistic attitude of ENAers - but deep inside I know that I am wrong and they are right. I (want to) think it is ok to have hope as long as you give yourself a chance to be happy again even if your ex doesn't come back. That's what I'm doing...

[addictedblue]

Well every situation is different. A lot of times though a relationship is over for one person but not the other, and the latter is the one posting on this forum. Basically I always think that if both people wanted each other then they'd be together, they'd work things out and either wouldn't have broken up or would able to reconcile easily. Cuz, it's like, they were already together at some point, it obviously wasn't working out for at least one person or it wouldn't have ended. So when people post on here saying he's your ex for a reason or telling people to move on, usually it's what they need to do. USUALLY.

[Ac143]

They are an ex for a reason. If we were to tell people to do this or do that to get their ex back, it would make that person have false hope. I had false hope many many times. Its better for you to start moving on & healing. In the long run, your ex will come back if they want to regardless of what you say or do.

 

Some situations are different & I have told people to try but usually once its over - the healing process should start.

 

If there was 1 specific thing that can get an EX back we would all know about it by now but there isn't. Moving on in most cases is the best for everyone in the situation. Its NOT about being negative its about being realistic!

[columbine]

Of course it's not wrong to want to believe in what you had with your ex. Nobody can help how they feel. I think people are being realistic, however. When you pine for something that has ended, it often does no good. Holds you back in one place and makes you feel sad.

 

When something finishes, you have to accept that it's finished. And it's really hard, it's pointless to pretend it's going to be easy. You have to learn to live without it.

[parlae]

Its NOT about being negative its about being realistic!

 

i understand that, ac.

i'm sorry if i came off the wrong way.

 

i know you guys are being realistic, and moving on is the healthiest thing.

i just try to see the good in everyone and am trying to have faith in my ex.

[Ac143]

i understand that, ac.

i'm sorry if i came off the wrong way.

 

i know you guys are being realistic, and moving on is the healthiest thing.

i just try to see the good in everyone and am trying to have faith in my ex.

 

You didn't come off the wrong way...I understand where you are coming from, I always try to see the good in everyone but when it comes to exes its a different story. Hanging on to faith or hope will do no one any good.

 

Why pause your life simply out of hope or faith? I have done it & in the long run it only set me back a few months, with more heartache.

 

There is nothing wrong with having feelings, still loving them etc but moving on is your best bet once the relationship ends.

[thejigsup]

Experience is the greatest teacher. That is what is behind that outlook. If you want him back, give it a try. But please put a time limit on it or you could be caught in limbo for years!

[NJRon]

I feel moving on is the best because, in the end, you really have little control to bring back someone who left you. It is there choice. So, you should focus on what you *do* have cnotrol over.. yourself. In the end, they may or may not come back.

 

If your love is truly unconditional, then you would want what's best for them... they decided you aren't what they want so why would you try keep yourself in their life when they feel they need something different. To them, it's better that they move on and that should be respected.

 

So.. I say moving on is the best for all parties involved. You never know, they may come nosing around again... by that time though you may have decided that they aren't the best person for you yourself...

[parlae]

Experience is the greatest teacher. That is what is behind that outlook. If you want him back, give it a try. But please put a time limit on it or you could be caught in limbo for years!

what do you mean?

sorry i may not be reading it right, i just got kinda confused when i read this. lol