i'm not sure...

[parlae]

ok, i havent seen a topic on this yet.

so i wanted to post something to get everyone's opinion.

 

it's nothing SERIOUS, just something that has been on my mind lately.

 

well, first of all, i like graphic&web design.

(this is not off topic by the way)

and i like updating/customizing my myspace page

with quotes and graphics, etc.

 

do you think it makes a difference if you have "sad" quotes on there, or even a sad love song.

like, when and IF your ex decides to look at your profile.

does it matter??

for example, would it make a difference if on your profile you make it seem like you're happy instead of putting true feelings on there (i.e. heartbroken)

 

i really cant find the right way to describe this or put it into words, but hopefully somebody will understand what i'm trying to say.

i might come back and edit this when i find better words. lol.

 

for all i know, i might be the only one even thinkin of this lol.

 

[Zorba]

Sounds like you're looking for a reaction, from them and by extension an emotional kickback for you. The "if they see I'm sad" it'll have X effect. I can see it's a tempting option, but ultimately fruitless IMHO.

 

I think the reason it's fruitless is it gives power of your own controllable emotions to another. That's rarely good. Your emotions and your emotional responses are yours and yours alone. Yes they are open to external forces and sometimes they are overwhelming and it's so easy to be carried along on them, but even when you're being carried along you should still be steering.

 

Our emotions can be difficult and complex to grasp and understand. That goes for everyone. You, me, the guy on a hill going OOOOMMMMM, everyone. No one knows the answer to your particular question, but you. Yes people may be great guides, sometimes unintentially too. Looking back my best guides were people I didn't realise at the time. Exes included. They may be guides, but you're in the driving seat.

 

So this inexpert guide's opinion? Do what you feel you need to, do what you feel you want to, but don't expect anything but what you may get from it yourself.

[Sev]

I know what u meen i think, like putting happy status updates on facebook etc?!

 

Well from what i heard my ex has been putting happy happy stuff up there, not sure if she is or is faking it, but i removed her from my list so i cant see them, thereforee she cant see mine either!

 

But i dont know, I guess its better to just do whats right for you. You shouldnt care if they look (although i would love to know if she is looking at mine through her families/friends profiles!! Not got time to remove them all!!), as everyone seems to say, you need to let them go first, so i would put what you want up and not worry about there opinion (as long as it isnt slating them

[parlae]

its not that i'm looking for a reaction.

i'm just wondering whats the better way to go..

 

in case you havent read any of my previous posts, i do want my ex back.

thats the only reason this is a question in my mind.

 

i'm wondering if it's better for him to see that i'm ok, or better to see that i'm honestly hurting since our breakup.

[Sev]

unfortunately, i dont have a answer to that. I would say personally if your wanting him back just be yourself and do what you would do, you dont need the advise for that.

 

If you want him back, he has to come back because he wants you, not someone you are putting on because you feel you need to push the right buttons to make it work.

 

Otherwise he may come back but find again whatever it was that pushed him away, in my opinion, people can change in break ups, but only for so long, after a time they will go back to who they were.

 

What im kinda trying to say is if they dont want you for who you are, maybe just let it go. Dont try 2nd guess your every move.

 

I say this as i just spent 6 weeks doing that and got me nothing but heartache. From what i learned so far it seems best to just end it in your own head and try to move on, if they want you and love you they will realise it.

 

If not, you will move on, we all will eventually

 

Love shouldnt be this much work!

 

(Hope you get what i meen i tend to ramble a bit when i type!)

[parlae]

i understand what you're saying, sev.

but i think everyone is getting me wrong on this.

 

whatever his reaction may be, thats fine.

but it kinda goes hand in hand with the "no contact" thing.

when they realize that you havent tried to make contact with them at all for a month, thats what makes them wonder what you're doing and eventually, if they care, they'll contact you.

(i'm not trying to sound like an expert by the way. just saying what i've gathered from the advice everyone has been giving me.)

but if NC works because they're more likely to be attracted to someone who's ok without em, instead of someone begging & crying for them back...

then wouldnt it be better for them to see on your profile that you actually are doing ok.??

 

i dont know..

maybe i shouldnt have even posted this topic until i knew how to put it into words better.

sorry for the confusion, if any.

[Sev]

No confusion i think! I get what you meen. Personally i would think that it would be better to see that you were doing well. But i would also say that you should be genuinly doing well.

 

If your page is full of things that make it look they they got to you then they may come back, would be a low chance depending on the breakup/reasons etc but they would come back out of pity. Thats the last thing you want or need!

 

I've read a few of the e books going around (bittorrent ftw!) if you want i can email you one if you pm me, but from what ive read its basically saying:

 

get a grip, find yourself, improve yourself and start from scratch as if you were dating someone from the start.

 

Also to avoid negativeness and neediness as it makes you look insecure. Also to be happy single. But it also says that you might be at the point were your ready to do this be already over them and not want to bother!

 

I dont think there is any quick fix to get them back asap unless it was a rash decision on there part and they didnt really meen it.

 

From the looks of it, by the time the "dumper" gets to the point of dumping the "dumpee" they have really thought it through and nothing will change there mind in the short term. Only time and missing you and seeing you as shiney and new when they meet you after a good bit of NC will they want you.

 

And by the that time you probably realised how bad they treat you and would touch them with a 10 foot bargepole!

 

But human nature is we want what we cant have!

 

This is from what ive picked up so far from being obsessivly reading anything to get her back! (read some of your posts and saw you finnshed with him on 22/12 i was on 20/12 so got 2 days on you!!)

 

Sorry i digressed off topic a bit but think writing this helps me too!

[Ac143]

Your ex is still one of your friends on facebook or myspace? I think the best thing to do (honestly) is delete them THEN set your profile to private. This way you dont have to pretend anything cause they wont see your profile BUT they certainly will be curious, what's exactly in your profile.

 

I do believe that no matter what you do...NC, LC, happy faces, sad faces, pictures on profiles etc if an ex doesn't want you back they wont come back.

[parlae]

thanks again, sev.

what you said really did help.

 

i'm not familiar with your story, but i wish you luck with everything as well.

 

and i definitely have been obsessively reading ANY&EVERYthing about getting an ex back (as you said you were) it kinda makes me feel pathetic. like i shouldnt be spending so much time on it.

 

but hey, what can ya do.

only time will tell i guess.

what's meant to be, will be...

right?

[veneratio]

I'd say avoid anything that makes you look insecure. IMO the sadness and negativity would drive him further away.

[parlae]

ok, i'm gonna give you guys an example of something i have on my profile.

 

its a graphic that says: "true love: you know when you've found it because you feel it when they take it away"

and also, my profile song is "i need you bad"

 

would i be better off just taking those off?

 

i'm sorry guys, i know i probably sound really stupid right now

for obsessing with this.

 

 

[Sev]

it,s not pathetic to want someone back who you love i think there is a time you just start to give up and let go. Sorry for format i.m on my mobile!

[veneratio]

Oh..you had me thinking something totally different lol. I looked at your page..it's fine. You don't sound desperate or weak or anything like that. If anything I'd change the song, but even then..nothing really wrong with that.