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has anything like this happened to you...need advice


jmo12791607306449
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Ok, here's the jist. I started dating this guy a year ago. I'm from IL he's from AZ. I moved to AZ after finishing college last may, primarily for him. I have a few friends here, but I don't know too many people. Anyway, about 5 months ago he started getting really irritable and distant. He said it was because he felt I was too dependent on him and relied too much on him to be happy. I admit I have been sad and often miss home, so I'm not always a ton of fun to be around.

He has just started a job as teacher, and works very hard. He teaches 6 classes of high school english and coaches their speech team as well. So, needless to say he's stressed and busy almost all the time. I try to do nice things and keep him happy, but he said he needed more space, because we were fighting all the time. So, I would try to give it to him, but he would always end up calling and stuff, so the space never really happened. I guess that was both our faults.

So, the fighting kept happening and I discovered that he has a "special relationship" with one of his students. That is, they call each other babe or baby and talk on the phone/email almost everyday. I am certain he would never do anything physical with her, but he obviously has an emotional connection with her that we are losing. And it's inappropriate. He won't admit to the situation, I only know because he left his email up one day accidently and I saw.

So, the fights have been bad, we've talked about taking a break, but had decided to work through it. Anyway, he had to go out of town this past week and we didn't talk, we were both very angry about an argument we'd had the night before he left. So, finally I called him last night to see if we were ever going to talk. He didn't answer but sent me an email later that said he couldn't do this anymore and that he was too angry and annoyed with me to talk to me. He said he didn't miss me when he was gone and that he was still in love with me deep down, but that all the bad feeling are overshadowing it. He wouldn't call or talk to me in person or over the phone.

I just don't understand. He's got a bad temper and hates to have "those" kinds of talks, he blows up, screams, hits things. But I haven't even talked to him in a week, how can he be so angry? He says he can't be with me right now, maybe in the future, but he can't handle it right now. But he wants to be friends and eventually see what happens. I'm just confused and upset. Has anything like this ever happened to anyone? I'd appreciate any opinions or anything....should I just say screw him or wait it out or try to be friends?

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whoa...that sounds like a hurtful situation to be in...and it sounds to me as if he sincerely has a new interest elsewhere. At the end of a relationship, bad feelings do tend to flare up when we grow sick or somebody that just doesnt " get a grip" or have a clue...and the sad part is when its clearly over...one party continues to try to work at it, which can make the other more frustrated.

 

Id say, just collect urself together as best u can, and try to look at the relationship at its face value. Theres no reason 4 u to go against the flow of love that has fully lived out its course sweetheart. Love is a beautiful thing that we should cherish when it is in full blossom in our lives, and learn to let it go freely when it has obviously ended...just as easily as it came into our lives...

 

Thats a hurtful truth, but id be dishonest to tell u otherwise. Even so, the distance apart will either make him realize that you are who he loves, and try to work things out..or u both will move onto separate paths...

 

Love is the most weirdest thing...i can feel and relate to other ppl, and give sisterly advice..but when it comes to me...its the most difficult thing to deal with in the world...

 

so i tend to shy away from it, at all costs...

 

good luck

 

 

cookies

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thanks for the reply, you're probably right. he says there is no one else, that he wouldn't have time or the energy to start something new even if there were...but i'm sure you're probably right. i guess i just wish he'd be more honest about it and about the situation with his student. he assumed that i had heard about that situation from friends (i have two that teach at the same school he does), i never told him i saw his email. the reason he claims to be so mad about me bringing up his relationship with that student is that i am "listening to gossip and sources that are not credible." what he doesn't know, is that he's the source. so, he's lying and getting very defensive about it. i guess that's a sign right there...and i've just had a feeling for a while that something isn't right. why do guys go that? why do they get all defensive when you've caught them...can't they just admit it and apologize?

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well sadly, the same goes for both women and men...but even when there is someone else...do u honestly thing that anyone would want to jeapordize something they may have, by telling us about it? just so that we can flip out on them? Who tells on themselves? For one thing, if she is a student...he could possibly face serious problems later on down the line. (especially if you copied those emails somehow and used it against him, if u were angry enough to do such, b4 he got rid of the emails)...

 

another thing...in the beginning of a new relationship, we all have an undying burst of energy when we spend it with sumone that we care for..so the energy thing is definitely not a factor. People do tend to become defensive in situations like these when they´ve been caught, because deep down inside they know that the relationship is "over" and could really care less how we feel, and upset that the truth has surfaced in the meantime.

 

The best sign that you have to go on..is your intuition and the hard solid facts that you have. I admire women that are wise and take these 2 imortant factors into consideration when its time to move on with their lives, versus allowing themselves to hurt any single day longer, when its not necessary. Why should we put our happiness at stake, when its clearly evident that he is moving forward...besides, i wouldnt be too enthused to call someone my "man if hes treating me in this manner..and calling someone else babe or baby...unt unnn...thats a NO GO! ...those sweet, loving and tender words should be shared between 2 ppl that care 4 one another...(but i call everybody that sumtimes, meaning no harm)

 

Being the lady that i am...i wouldnt even say goodbye..i would just pack up and leave...takin the evidence with me of course... just in case...

 

cookies

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Cookies ... that was really awesome!!! Good replies... well done!!!

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I agree a 100% with cookies. She pretty much said it all. I would want to add, though, that no matter what you decide in doing, keep this in mind: the only obligation you have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy.

 

I wish you luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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