It is possible that on some level...he hates me?

[zestygirl]

Well.

 

My boyfriend of 3 years have had our ups and downs...I have always been one to be the optimist and he the pessimist. Me the dreamer, he the realist. You get the picture.

 

Anyway, it seems lately that although we admit that we are deeply in love with eachother, it feels like he is trying to let go....I'm very confused, maybe even wrong, but, it seems like he hates me at times, because our personalities are so different. I tried to fix things a few weeks ago by suggesting we don't hang out for a while, and that I have my sister move in with me. He flipped out and lamented that if I did that - it would be the end of us. This was just two weeks ago.

 

But, two nights ago, we were talking on the phone, and he was getting annoyed with some topic I wanted to talk about - then, he just blurted out: "Maybe we should just be friends..." it hit me like a train, we have been in arguments and said stuff like this to eachother many times, but, something in 'the way' he said it rang differently, and I immediately thought "Oh my God, he's cheating on me..." the only explanation that I have for this thought is the fact that he has lateley been getting home late from work (putting in overtime to earn extra cash, he has told me) something he's never done in the past. On the surface, I have nothing to be suspicious of, but, somehow...I just don't know how to describe this nagging thought. Is it the voice of my own insecurity? Or things he has said and done, that although barely noticeable to me consciously, have somehow added up in my sub-conscious, suggesting this awful conclusion?

 

So, I told him fine - basically that if that was the way he wanted it, I was happy to agree, and we could talk more in a couple of weeks, then I hung up curtly. Every time we have had this kind of spat in the past, he has called right back to smooth things out...there has never been a day we haven't seen or talked to eachother since we met...and yet I knew I wouldn't hear back from him. Funny, how your instincts about your lover flow through your veins like icewater.

 

I am starting to feel physically sick...at the thought that I may have to go to bed tonight without speaking with him. Without knowing where he is or what he's doing, and unable to bring myself to "crack" and be the first to call. I just can't imagine my life without him in it...but, I may be faced with this reality pretty soon. He is sending me mixed messages...he knows where I stand, that I am devoted to us for the long haul...I don't know what the hell he wants.

 

Anyone been through this? How do you know when it's time to let go and time to hang on and work at it? And if you do let go - how do you get on with your life?

[woopsydaisy]

Hi zesty...sorry to hear bout the situation....the situation sounds familiar to me..been in a similiar situation but looking from your boyfriends view.If i were you i would just sit down and have a heart to heart with him and ask how he feels about the relationship not always easy.It seems to me he has issues with the relationship but is not communicating those issues in a positive way...hence the avoidance and arguing.Dont nessecerally think that he is cheating on you and i wouldnt accuse him of annything unless you know for certain bout things...believe me that will only drive him away.As i have suggested have a heart to heart and be really honest with him...he could be just stressed at the mo...let him know that your their for him and you want to find out whats wrong..give him a day or two to calm down and if you can give him some time to think..just dont think the worst please...and remember at least you have that deep love for each other ...good luck.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey zesty girl. I know what you mean by the different personalities. And I've recently had the same problem myself. She treats me like crap and I decided I wanted to leave her but I realised that I'd rather get hurt by her than nothing at all.

 

Anyway, I'm not exactly sure what he wants but maybe he's not cheating, his "extra work" could be because he wants some space from you to think, because that's what I wanted, to make choices w/o being influenced. All I can say is if you want him back, then do the things he wants you to do, if he doesn't want you to do anything, then give him the space, don't pressure or make him feel pressured into anything.

 

Hope that helps a bit

Happy Heb