Complicated situation with a guy

[ToyStorieGirl]

I first met this guy, Eric, about 5 or 6 years ago. He was one of my brother's friends from high school who sometimes came over to hang out or work on computers. I was only like 11 or 12 at the time, and he was 16 or 17, so I wasn't interested in dating him or anything. However, I was an outrageous flirter (still am) and so was/is he.

 

As time went by, I became more interested in Eric. He's got the most amazing personality, a great sense of humor, he's sensitive and caring, and quite good-looking, too. Since he's 5 years older than me, we've never been in the same school or anything, so I only saw him during the summers when my brother had parties at our house, or my parents made him take me along to parties at other people's houses (until I finally became known as someone other than just his little sister).

 

Two years ago, I went to play mini golf with him and my other older friends that were part of that group, and he brought his girlfriend. Up until then, I had known Sarah existed but had never heard much about her or met her. Eric doesn't talk about his feelings or personal life much, even with his very close friends, and I never pressed him for information (it never felt like I had the right to do so, either). Anyway, needless to say I wasn't as excited to see Sarah there as Eric was. He spent the whole time with her and hardly flirted with me at all, as was to be expected. That was the only time I ever met Sarah, though I think he's been dating her for quite awhile - maybe two or three years? I'm not sure. Like I said, I never asked. He never flirted with me any more or less on any day, other than that one night... Though he would sometimes tone it down a bit when one particularly nosy member of the group would say something like, "Leave the poor girl alone!"

 

I've been thinking about Eric a lot - my friend says I'm practically obsessed with him, but she says she doesn't blame me either, since she's met him and thinks he's amazing, too. The problem is that any other guy I date, I compare to Eric. I even think about Eric when I'm with them - I can't seem to get my mind off of him. However, I can't picture myself dating him. For one thing, I would absolutely hate to ruin our friendship and have him never speak to me again, as most of my relationships seem to end. There are probably other reasons too - maybe I don't feel like I deserve him, or he's TOO perfect, or something.

 

I know I have strong feelings for Eric - it feels like my heart skips a beat when I see him come online - but I don't know if/how I should act on them. I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him how I feel, especially when he's been dating Sarah for so long. He sometimes mentions seeing her, so I don't think they've broken up or anything. It's not like he would suddenly dump her to go out with me anyway. Personally, I don't think it's very respectable for a person to decide to break up with their current girl/boyfriend simply because someone else suddenly became available. But now I'm rambling.

 

I don't think he has those sort of feelings for me. Friends who have been around us say that's just the kind of person he is, he flirts with everyone like that. Plus, he's going to be graduating from college soon, while I'd just be entering it. Saying something would make everything awkward, and that's the last thing I want to happen. However, I don't want to spend the rest of my life (well, I'm exaggerating) comparing every other guy I meet to this one with which nothing could happen. I sometimes talk to him online during the school year, and even if I did for some reason decide to say something, I couldn't imagine telling him those kind of feelings over the internet.

 

This is a very frustrating situation, and I don't know what to do. Any thoughts are welcome (as long as I like them ).

Sorry it's such a long post.

[the lonely heart]

You said yourself Eric has a LTR, that he has no special feelings towards you and that you aren't at a point when you'd actually approach Eric about your feelings. So what exactly are you looking for as far as advice goes?

 

My advice (take it for what little its worth) --

Just enjoy your friendship and friendly/flirtatious/playful banter.

 

OH yeah, and don't compare the guys you date to Eric. For your sake and for theirs, its just not a good idea. Nobody can ever measure up to someone we have put on a pedastal and unless I'm mistaken that's what you've done to Eric. Enjoy the guys you date for who they are and see what might come of those relationships.

[cerulean_lotus]

ToyStorie-

 

When I read your post, my heart went out to you! I know exactly how you're feeling! I really admire your stamina throughout such a situation with someone who you care about deeply-but don't have the courage to go out and tell this person how you feel.

From your post -you seem to be very well spoken and expressive. My suggestion would be to write a confidential letter to him. Writing helps put thoughts in order and it has enough personal touch to relay your true feelings (and you can practice writing it over and over again to your heart's content).

Eric-if he is the great guy you say he is, will serve well to know these feelings exist (ed) and not ridicule you in the least if he truly respects you as a friend first and foremost-especially if you end the letter on a positive note (ie I still value your friendship-no hard feelings etc etc) Also be strong throughout this! Don't beat yourself up! If you are feeling used, played with, or just inferior-just remember only you have the power to let others make you feel that way about yourself! You seem like a very intelligent person who has given your situation the thought and purvue with a matureness I sure haven't seen in a lot of people who are dealing with romantic feelings. Besides- I can't think of any other great relief than when I write something down and send it off whether it be a long letter or a bill! You can also hand-carry it to him if you feel like it. Don't be afraid to express this to him-I think that if you are truly ready to move on and start to date other guys and give them a fair shot-you wouldn't be afraid of what him, your brother, or Sarah thinks of you.

And you know what?-even if you never send it off, writing out the letter helps! I suffer from the shy violet syndrome and I did it all the time to help me with my passionate feelings-in putting them to rest or into perspective.

I wish you luck with this situation-I know it must feel like torture!

Write to me if you want to chat sometime, I'm a good listener.

 

cerulean_lotus

email removed

[bridey]

Do not say anything at this point. He is going to see you still as too young for him. Atleast he should unless he is some kind of pervert. If something should ever come from this attraction, it should come when you are a little older and on a more equal plain as far as life experience. In the meantime, enjoy what you have. He is not too old, so at some point he may break up with his girl and see you in a different light.