Zee_ Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 So, I've been in a relationship for about 8 months now, and I recently found out something worrying that happened in the beginning of our relationship... The first night I hung out at his house, we considered ourselves 'just friends' but we almost ended up hooking up... But I told him I wanted to wait because I planned on breaking up with my boyfriend soon, and I didn't want to cheat. I asked him to wait until I broke it off, and everything seemed fine. I just found out that the day after that happened, he hooked up with his ex, who had broken up with him a few months prior, and who he had been seeing for 3 1/2 years, at his house. When he told me this, I tried to see it as not a big deal... After all, we weren't officially dating or exclusive. But now I wonder if he still had feelings for his ex when we first started seeing each other, and if the only reason he went out with me, at least in the beginning, was to get over her. I know that he loves me completely now, but it worries me that in the beginning of our relationship he might have just been using me. What do you think? Guys especially, have you ever done this and why? What could have been going through his mind? Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Well did you have feelings for your ex at the time? Seems like it was the past. Should it matter anymore since he obviously doesn't have feelings for her anymore? I'd let it goooooooooo... Pick and choose your fights wisely. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I am not sure why you are mentioning this when you yourself were in the same situation. He could very well say the same thing about you...after all, when you guys hung out and almost ended up hooking up, you were still in a relationship...so when he hooked up with his ex, you were still with your ex. I guess when you finally got together with this guy you were just fresh out of your relationship with your ex...so it sounds to me like you both rebounded with each other. Link to comment
Xplode Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 thats how i started with my girlfriend at first i transfered all my feelings from my ex to my current. - it works great to kill the pain.. and about 2 months in i stopped thinking of my ex. but so long as u know that you and ur ex are over and will never be in contact... i have now been with my current gf from 2 yrs. so ether i got lucky and transfered my feelings over to someone nice. yes its possible to love 2 people at once. just be careful he isnt transferring, to u, to get over her like i did. because i had regrets that i wasnt single for long enough- but use seem to both be coming straigh back to back relationships, so its a littlebit different Link to comment
Zee_ Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I probably should have mentioned this before... I was completely out of love with the guy I was with before, and had been planning on ending it for a long time. Also, I hadn't kissed him, let alone slept with him, in months. Another thing: He still receives texts and calls from this same ex, and still returns them, all the time. I don't know if that, in itself, is cause for worry, but added to this other situation, seemed like another bad sign. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Sounds like you well could've been a rebound and maybe with time he actually did fall in love with you. Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I still talk to my exes, even when I am dating someone. It's only keeping in touch with them, merely because I'll always care for ALL my exes. Once someone becomes such a big part of your life, they take a piece of you with them no matter how small that piece is. Even though I still care and talk with all my exes, doesn't mean I have any feelings for them like the way I used to. He might just be that kind of person, too. I wouldn't took into anything if you don't have reasonable cause to worry. That will only cause problems between you two and he will wonder why you don't trust him. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I probably should have mentioned this before... I was completely out of love with the guy I was with before, and had been planning on ending it for a long time. Also, I hadn't kissed him, let alone slept with him, in months. Another thing: He still receives texts and calls from this same ex, and still returns them, all the time. I don't know if that, in itself, is cause for worry, but added to this other situation, seemed like another bad sign. It doesn't matter that you were out of love with your ex..the fact still remains that you didn't actually leave him until you found someone else..which means he could think that you just are afraid to be alone and used him in order to not be alone. So as much as you can have doubts about his motivations, he can also have doubts about yours. How often is he in contact with his ex? Link to comment
Zee_ Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 They text about once a week, and talk on the phone about once a month. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 i have done this,,,you are right on target with his motivation...if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with...it eases the pain Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 They text about once a week, and talk on the phone about once a month. I wouldn't worry about that at all. Link to comment
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