shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 You guys cannot possibly be serious! He spends most of his vacation "hanging out" with this female friend and now she is not only coming to visit, but staying with HIM??? That's all I'm going to say... Good luck...I think you should tell him you have a problem with her staying with him. If she MUST come, let her stay in a hotel. that would be very very rude... I would never make a friend stay in a hotel. Where did she say he spent most of his vacation hanging out with her? I really don't get you're anger towards this... are you saying he can't hang out with this friend because she has a vagina? What is so wrong with a friend wanting to visit a friend? I've had male friends come visit me when i've had a boyfriend, I've had boyfriends hang out with their female friends and even gasp/shock/horror go on ski trips with them and share a room... oh the terror of it all! I've also visited male friends when they've had girlfriends... honestly, what is the big deal? You make it sounds like the boyfriend is incapable of hanging out with a female without cheating on his girlfriend. That's an insult to a lot of men out there. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 ... I would NEVER even contemplate having a male stay with me for the weekend if I had a bf - out of respect for my bf. He wouldn't have to worry about it because it would never come up. I think that would be very inconsiderate to your male friend. I'm assuming your boyfriend would have the maturity and decency to understand that you have had friends before he came into your life. I think it would be incredibly selfish and controlling to demand that your partner not have a friend of the opposite sexcome visit. I do not think the OP sounds controlling and selfish at all btw, I just think that she needs to say what an above poster suggested. Try and make it a good weekend for all of them! I have a male friend who i have been good friends with for a long time. We have traveled together and we still talk a lot. He is excited to introduce me to his new girlfriend and I'm excited to meet her. I have ZERO interest in my friend... I could be the OP's boyfriend's friend and genuinely interested in meeting her. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Yes you read it right, but I left out that he also said "too bad." I think a childhood friend situation would be different from this one. He knew this girl in high school, and they re-connected over the holiday break, apparently. Also, holiday break is the first time he's mentioned her to me. What I wonder is, why is she in his life to a greater extent all of a sudden Thanks dds10 Yeah, the "too bad" comment was totally unnecessary and inappropriate. Ouch! Now I see why your feelings were hurt. I'm sorry. So, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, you're wary because you've never heard of this girl before, so you're wondering how your boyfriend could be such good friends with her that she's coming to visit. It's like, if you were such good friends, wouldn't I have heard from her before? Is that how you're feeling? I remember your original post saying that she might come to visit in a few months. My suggestion is to wait this out. This might be one of those friendships that sparks while they're in town together, then fizzles once they stop talking after the holidays. Waiting for a bit will also give you time to observe whether he's talking on the phone with her, talking about her, whatever that would indicate that they're actually friends. I hate to even bring this up, but it will also give you time to observe whether there's anything more than friendship happening there. What do you think? YS Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 ... I would NEVER even contemplate having a male stay with me for the weekend if I had a bf - out of respect for my bf. He wouldn't have to worry about it because it would never come up. .. Well, I didn't quite put in the crass way you refer to...but I would have a problem in this particular situation. I would also be curious how many of the men would have a problem with this if the situation were reversed. I was not insulting men at all. I don't think I was being crass... but I would feel insulted if a man thought i couldn't hang out with a male friend and not think of him sexually or romantically, it sort of undermines my abilty to have close friendships with men. edit: i have no idea why both those posts shows up in my reply, only meant to quote the last one.. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 i just hope the OP is happy whatever the outcome.... it's inevitable that everyone is going to have a different view on this , but no one but the OP really knows the situation. I hope it works out well, that she and her boyfriend sort it out and if the friend does come that they have a good weekend! Link to comment
Mariahee Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 you're taking it too seriously, he even asked you a few times if you're okay with it i wouldn't feel threatened at all Link to comment
nimisaj Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I agree with the poster above this... This is not a big deal... when a guy mentions a girl, it's not a big deal. It's when HE DOESN'T mention someone... he's hiding something... that's what I think, anyway. Link to comment
Truth317 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Never can tell, but it sounds like he was just trying to be upfront and honest with you about the situation. I really don't see anything decieving here. Link to comment
dds10 Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Hmm, there are a lot of different opinions on this thread. Since I won't have to deal with it until a couple months from now, I guess I'll try to forget about it until the time arrives! Link to comment
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