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whateveryeah

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Sorry everyone, I was quite busy last night xP

 

Yeah.. anyways,

 

I dont really remember where I was but I'll just start over..

 

Im André, Im 14 years old, I live in a small town in Sweden, And right now, and for some quite time I've wanted to take my own life for several reasons..

 

I've always been poor, cuz my mom is an idiot and didnt get a real education, and she dont have a work now, and no car. or no drivers license... so we're living on like.. I dont know what it is on english xP well, ... yeah whatever, anyway, My father is also an * * * * * * * , "Parents are divorced" Im living with him 1 weekend, every other week? Im so bad at english >_

 

I could write a whole book about my father, how pathetic he is.

 

My parents makes my life pretty hard, and how I live does also.

 

Growing up in a place like this, with these parents, and with no money aint exactly what I wanted.

 

And I know.. This maybe sounds like no problem at all to you, but you dont know

 

 

anyway! I started skateboarding when I was like 6 years old, and have been skateboarding till now, Also, like 2 years ago I started playing guitar and now im in 3 bands, but Im playing Bass guitar in 2 of them and one of my bands is goin pretty well too, so of course Im kinda happy about that xP

 

 

 

 

anyway: Back to the subject "I know I say anyway alot" I'm kinda avoiding having friends over to my house, doesnt matter if im at my moms or my dads place, because when Im at my moms place, im ashamed because it looks like it does there "If you know what I mean >_

 

and when im at my dads place, its because hes just a bad person, stupid. And because I hate to be there so i dont bring many people there xP

 

That is a big problem. a big one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then there's so much I want, and so much I'd wanna do, but I can't do those things, cuz my family can't afford it. If I'd just have another family "many people thinks like I do, probably, I know im sounding like im the only important person on earth" I'd probably be happier, but I dont know. Maybe.

 

Theres loads of other things, I just cant explain in words.. you must have some sort of things,problems you cant explain in a good way either xP

 

well, I dont know I've been kinda depressed for months now xP Everyday just seem to get worse with everything too.. and I try to just think positive and stuff but It aint working so good for me xP

 

 

I'd really wanna live, just not like this. So I don't know what I should do.. Acting to others like If i were happy is pretty hard if you have to do it everyday..

 

 

Yeah as I said before, you're not me, and I suck at explaining things well, so I know some of this might sound like no problem at all. For you..

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You are still in school right? Are there any teachers you can talk to there?

 

I remember when I was 14 I hated life. My mom remarried & I had to move; I was not happy about it even after I made a few friends. It seemed like 5 years was FOREVER until the time I could move out on my own. But you know what, time passed. I started doing things that I enjoyed, gritted my teeth & went along with it until I was old enough to live on my own & make my own decisions. It took a while to get there, but it wasn't the forever I thought it would be.

 

I think you just don't like your living with your parents look at this timeline:

birth-------------14yrs old---18yrs old---------------------------------------------------70 yrs old.

 

See that short space between 14 & 18? That is where you are at now. And it is completely accurate; I counted the dash marks I made. You are SO CLOSE to getting out & living on your own. Then look at ALL that time afterward you have to live. Are you sure you want to kill yourself because you don't want to deal with those short few years until you are an adult at the expense of the entire rest of your life?

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What is going on is between your ears. Work on that. It is very hard at this point in your life to appreciate what you have.

Here's an mental exercise. Sell everything except the things you got from the money you made. How much do you have? That is how far ahead you are. Build on it. This opportunity to live room and board free is only for a few more years.

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Yeah I know I've got 4 more years which ain't a long time at all if you look on it that way..

 

I try to do the things I enjoy as much as I can, which is many times a week. I'm almost always with my friends, or my band. And when I'm playing with my band for example, I try to just have a good time and enjoy playing, cuz thats what I like the most, and ignore everything else.. But still as fast as I leave I'm feeling like * * * * again.. cause I know I've gotta go home.

 

And I don't got any "real" friends if you know what I mean, except few persons, and that's also pretty annoying cause I have no one to talk about my issues with.. And I often argue with my parents, mostly my mom cause when Im at my dads place, Im acting to be another person. Just like a fcking movie. Dont ask me why thats so, it's always been like that I dont know why. It just happened to be so when I was younger for some weird reason.

 

I try to see everything on the bright side, and just hope It'll get better sometime.. But I dont want to wait any longer for that to happen. And being ashamed of things thats not my fault is * * * * .

 

Thats the most annoying part of it all.

 

And many times a day, people asks me why I'm so sad, "Obviously people think I look sad" and I just tell them Im tired or whatever. And that's also pretty annoying, lieing straight into their faces.

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Lets sort this out. A lot of this situation has to do with your emotions.

You are in a spot where you feel you have little control of your life and you have no one to talk to.

You have acquaintances, but not many you would call friends. Start looking at those around you for someone you feel trust with and tell them a little of what is bothering you. Help them too. That is what friendship is about. Friends, unfortunately, come and go. The ones that matter will stick with you.

So we are back to what is in your head. Get a plan. What are you going to do in 4 years? Write it down. If the plan takes less than 2 pages written down, its not a plan, its a dream.

Your Dad. You are growing up and changing. You are not as dependent on him as you were before, but you still need him. That bothers every young man. Work on keeping an open line of communication with him. You will be away from him sooner than you think.

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