HairyJam Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi, I've been dating a guy for just over 2 months now but I have a feeling he's not interested in me anymore, here's the story: I'd had previous relationships (the longest was only 4 months though) but never been comfortable enough with a guy to sleep with him, when I met John (let's call him that) I felt an instant connection and on our first date, we slept together. It was my first time (I'm 20) BUT it was also his first time (he's 23). I found it a bit odd that an attractive guy like John was a virgin, but maybe he had the same reasons as me. But I found it great that he was a virgin because I was nervous about being a novice at sex and I imagine so was he so it worked out well for us in the bedroom dept. Basically this is both our first PROPER relationship, and I'm constantly worrying and fretting when I'm not with him ('does he not like me anymore' 'does he think I'm clingy' etc) The reason for this is because I only see him twice a week and it's always me who initiates the meet. When we're together we have a great time. We get on very well, we talk a lot and we have fun sexually. But I'm so paranoid when I'm not with him; he takes forever to reply to my texts and he never calls me just to chat. I'm constantly wondering if he's actually interested in this relationship. I've not seen him in 4 days now and I miss him. Last night I got very drunk and called him and left him a text, he's yet to reply. I'd like some advice on the whole situation, I guess I sound very needy but I suppose because he's my first lover I am quite attached to him even though we've only been dating 2 months. Do you think he's uninterested in us? Or am I going a bit overboard with my thoughts? Link to comment
Jadeyy..x Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The first bit of your story sounds just like mine (: We were both virgins and had never been in a proper relationship and we have now been together 3 years. I think you should just talk to him, ask him what he really whats.x Link to comment
cruzer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I wish i could help, but im pretty much in the same situation. Its so confusing because while we initiate the meet or contact, they seem to have a good time and continue to do so with us. I think that he is still into you, otherwise why would he bother to reply, or do things with you? I mean if u did not like him any longer, would u continue to text, call, meet, etc. if u did not like him? The only reason i could see he continues this and he is not interested is because he is getting sex? But if he was a virgin its probably not that. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 you have to realize that physical does not mean interest. when i say physical, i mean sex. it sounds like you got mixed up in that sex means he wants to be with you. just send him a text or call and leave a message and leave it at that. he needs to make moves too. but you see each other twice a week? you need to calm down. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I find it a bit odd that two virgins decided to sleep together on their first date. Could have just been a line form him to get you in bed. I'm just sayin... I think you're so attached to him because he's your first. A lot of women form emotional attachments to the the first person they have sex with. If you are able to separate the two, it makes things much less complicated. from what you said on here, he doesn't sound like he's as interested in continuing this relationship as you are. I think if he was, he would call just to chat, and ask you to hang out instead of just saying "OK" when you initiate it. Also, did you guys have "the talk", or do you just assume you're together because you've had sex and see each other? Link to comment
HairyJam Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 ghost69: 'but you see each other twice a week?' Do you mean it's not a lot so why am I so attached? I don't really understand what you're saying, can you elaborate? Scorpion Fury: We did have 'the talk' and when we are together we're very close and act just like a couple. He takes me to see his friends often too, which suggests that he does want to keep me around (I think?), but as stated previously his other actions suggest otherwise. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 ghost69: 'but you see each other twice a week?' Do you mean it's not a lot so why am I so attached? I don't really understand what you're saying, can you elaborate? Scorpion Fury: We did have 'the talk' and when we are together we're very close and act just like a couple. He takes me to see his friends often too, which suggests that he does want to keep me around (I think?), but as stated previously his other actions suggest otherwise. Then maybe you should stop calling and texting and see if he'll make an effort to get in touch with you. Link to comment
confused25 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think seeing him twice a week is enough, how far does he live from you? The guy I am currently dating lives about 30 min away and I see him mostly on weekends, personally I think that's more than enough for me. I think you just need to stop worrying about it too much and just go with the flow. You guys have only been together for two months, so just try to have fun and relax! If it really starts to bug you and you are seeing signs that he is trying to distant himself, then have a talk with him. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 ghost69: 'but you see each other twice a week?' Do you mean it's not a lot so why am I so attached? I don't really understand what you're saying, can you elaborate? Scorpion Fury: We did have 'the talk' and when we are together we're very close and act just like a couple. He takes me to see his friends often too, which suggests that he does want to keep me around (I think?), but as stated previously his other actions suggest otherwise. Then maybe you should stop calling and texting and see if he'll make an effort to get in touch with you. I think seeing him twice a week is enough, how far does he live from you? The guy I am currently dating lives about 30 min away and I see him mostly on weekends, personally I think that's more than enough for me. I think you just need to stop worrying about it too much and just go with the flow. You guys have only been together for two months, so just try to have fun and relax! If it really starts to bug you and you are seeing signs that he is trying to distant himself, then have a talk with him. twice a week is plenty. when i have a gf, i usually spend my weekends with her. if the girl doesn't think that is enough, she is free to find another guy. that is basically the most free time i have. we don't have to talk everyday either. just seems insecure if you need more. Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would talk to him about it. "I noticed that I am the only one who initiates us hanging out. I send you texts & it takes you hours to respond, & I never hear from you just to chat. It makes me feel like you aren't interested in this relationship. Are you?" Honestly, I would feel the same as you. People might say you are making a big deal out of this, but when you are the only one doing the contacting... it just sounds like a very one-sided relationship. It takes effort on both parts to make it work. Link to comment
HairyJam Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 twice a week is plenty. when i have a gf, i usually spend my weekends with her. if the girl doesn't think that is enough, she is free to find another guy. that is basically the most free time i have. we don't have to talk everyday either. just seems insecure if you need more. I guess I have a misconstrued idea of what relationships are like; my best friend and her man see each other every day, and my brother sees his girl everyday too and they've only just started dating 6 weeks ago. These are the two closest people to me and I guess I thought my romance would be the same as theirs..which is naive and daft as everyone's different. It's just that I would like to see him every 2 days or so and I thought that's normal for couples to want to see each other that often. Which is what started this whole uninterested thought process. I'll let him make the effort to see me, if he doesn't then he doesn't. I don't want to spend my time pursuing someone who I shouldn't need to pursue. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I guess I have a misconstrued idea of what relationships are like; my best friend and her man see each other every day, and my brother sees his girl everyday too and they've only just started dating 6 weeks ago. These are the two closest people to me and I guess I thought my romance would be the same as theirs..which is naive and daft as everyone's different. It's just that I would like to see him every 2 days or so and I thought that's normal for couples to want to see each other that often. Which is what started this whole uninterested thought process. I'll let him make the effort to see me, if he doesn't then he doesn't. I don't want to spend my time pursuing someone who I shouldn't need to pursue. Different strokes for different folks. Some couples feel the need to see each other every day, others don't. If you want to see him more than twice a week, you can bring this up with him. Just don't get your feelings hurt or start a fight if he says he doesn't feel the need to see you more often or doesn't have time. If it's very important to you, he might not be the right guy for you Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I guess I have a misconstrued idea of what relationships are like; my best friend and her man see each other every day, and my brother sees his girl everyday too and they've only just started dating 6 weeks ago. These are the two closest people to me and I guess I thought my romance would be the same as theirs..which is naive and daft as everyone's different. It's just that I would like to see him every 2 days or so and I thought that's normal for couples to want to see each other that often. Which is what started this whole uninterested thought process. I'll let him make the effort to see me, if he doesn't then he doesn't. I don't want to spend my time pursuing someone who I shouldn't need to pursue. everyday? that was normal when i was 18 and younger. Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 everyday? that was normal when i was 18 and younger. I see my bf everyday. But it would be kind of hard not to as we share a not-so-large apartment. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.