I feel very unattractive

[allypally]

Hi,

 

Don't want to win the award on ENA for being the biggest whinger.... feel like c**p at the moment.

 

Went with my bf to his company Christmas do last night. We are mending bridges and putting the past behind us. He kept mentioning to me how glad he was that we were together and that I was wonderful etc etc.

 

Yes, the pretty blonde co-worker was there looking very slim and wearing a stunning dress. I commented to my bf how nice she looked and he didn't disagree. When I arrived at the hotel my bf and the co-worker had arrived at the same time and were checking in. When I asked him later on whether her other half was going to be there he replied that she had told my bf that her bf may be coming along - I never saw them together. She never came up to us or my bf to chat. She just stayed at the back of the room, never danced. I think she is quite shy.

 

More to the point I am covered in bright pink ezcema (on my face, neck and ears), and it looks so hideous - flaky skin and blotches. The doctor has prescribed me steroid cream and aqueous cream for the less severe patches. I also have a fungal infection underneath some of my toe nails and have been prescribed cream for that even though I religiously dry my feet and spray them with athletes foot spray. Just feel so gross at the moment and ugly.

 

I have been eating no carbs after 5pm and so have lost some weight (I know this because my clothes have started to fit again). Still a long way to go though.

 

Started horse riding at another riding school as I didn't feel as though i fitted in at the previous place. The new place is really nice and the instructor very good. Definitely feel more at home there.

 

Another thing - my bf commented about the bed we slept in last night - how comfortable it was - and if I wanted another bed I should go for that one. I asked him why I would be looking to buy another bed because I'm not buying me own place yet. Just thought it was a strange thing to say since we are planning a big 2 month road trip next year and will see if the relationship is in a better place for a permanent commitment.

[redhearts]

If you want another bed? In his house? Or to buy? Weird. I'm sorry your feeling this way, at least your doing something that makes you happy and will improve your health, losing weight part. There is no standard for beauty, everyone is beautiful in their own way.

[allypally]

Thanks, I guess its because its the party season and it would be nice to look good, but I look the opposite.

[ghost69]

hmmm, i don't think you should have kept bringing up the blonde girl. it almost like you wanted to validate if your bf liked her or something. odd. kind of insecure.

[25thfloor]

ally, i feel your pain. i also suffer from ezcema. it's just been recently that it covers my lower legs and arms. my face is red from it also...not to mention the constant shedding of my scalp. i know how you feel. it can make you very insecure feeling. there is some great makeup out there...and when i wear that (on my legs also) i feel beautiful again. i used to have the prettiest skin...people would always compliment me. i think the bed comment is being taken out of context because you're feeling so down on yourself. i actually went to see someone about dealing with the changes in my skin, and i now, lovenly refer to myself as a reptile. i rather like reptiles. (smile) i also ride horses, and it is so wonderful to be around those beasts. they love us no matter what we look like....

give your BF a chance. be confident even if you have to fake it. don't let him see you feeling like that. confidence and beauty are an attitude, sista, not about how thin or beautiful.

[Balbina]

I would forget about the blonde girl as well, as try not to bring it up too often when out with your boyfriend because it does hint insecurity. Sometimes, when I feel kind of insecure, I joke about it to my boyfriend. He knows that I'm not threatened, but gets the hint to be a little more affectionate.

 

Why don't you try to turn your life around for the better? I know what its like to be miserable with how you look. I'm there right now, since I've gained some weight over the past couple of months (and the holidays aren't helping much!), but in order for anything to change, YOU have to change it. The hardest part is starting, but believe me, seeing results when you STICK to something makes it all worth it.

 

I've been working out on and off for the past 3 years, but this past year I pushed myself and this past summer I had the best body I've ever had - and I was surprised that my boyfriend's praises weren't just flattery. I'm slowly getting back into it now, but I know that if something is really bothering you about yourself - change it.

 

Have you looked into alternative medicine for your skin problems and fungal infection? Sometimes a good detox could alleviate your flare ups in your toe nails and I know of some effective (albeit expensive) therapies for skin care as well.

[allypally]

I only brought it up the once re: blonde girl.

[allypally]

Went to the doctor, skin has cleared up in 3 days flat - admittedly the cream for the really bad patches has steroids in but I highly recommend aqueous cream for eczema sufferers - it is SO soothing. Of course your doctor has to prescribe its use - can be bought over the counter, but it is excellent and better than anything else I have tried.

 

This morning, my bf commented that I had lost a lot of weight - my pyjamas felt so loose compared to how they were!

 

Just said goodbye to my bf - he is off to his mother's for Xmas. I am off to stay with my parents.

 

Never expected it, but he bought me loads of Xmas presents.

 

His xmas card read on the front "To the love of my life".

 

Inside it read "Dear xxxxx"

 

"You're the best!"

"Have a wonderful Christmas"

"All my love and hugs"

 

xxxxxx

[grozet]

You really shouldn't be worrying! I have noticed that if you act like you're pretty and confident, others think so too and soon you'll start thinking it also yourself.

[25thfloor]

wonderful! sounds like everything turned out great!

[Balbina]

Congratulations!! I'm really happy for you - sometimes its the hardest just to get a foot up out of a rut.

 

I would suggest looking into Hot Yoga - its a great way to get into shape, detox and more importantly, improve your skin. Sweating is one of the best things for skin rejuvination and yoga (especially hot yoga) will really help out with your weight loss - and make you a lot happier too (yoga is my personal pick-me-up)