help, had the worst dream ever.

[pushforward]

Hi fellow souls in pain,

 

I'm going to need support today. I had the most terrible dream in my life. I don't know how these dream manifested.

 

It was me basically ironing my clothes. She comes in and she starts to talk to me. I ask her to leave. I already told her that I've changed my number and blocked her on everything. That I simply didn't want her in my life anymore. That's when it happened. She went off on me. Saying everything I thought of. Telling me how happy she is with the new guy. How he is much better than me. How she cheated on me and she didn't care about my feelings at all. How she left and it was the best move ever. She just kept calling me trash and kept putting me down. The dream was very realistic. I basically lost it in the dream. I'm not the angry type, but in the dream I lost it. I started to walk towards a wall and let loose, it was so violent. She came up to me and she said goodbye and kissed me. I woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks.

 

My chest felt so heavy. It felt like we broke up all over again. I'm on day 1 in survival mode. I couldn't go back to sleep, I feared I would have another bad dream. I took a shower and waited 3 hours for work to start. I couldn't eat anything. I forced myself, but after a bite. I was full.

 

I'm in a lot of pain from a DREAM. How do you cope with the really bad days? Experiencing the lost of a loved one. I'm just holding on to life. Asking God what is he trying to show me. I have my eyes wide opened and I don't see the lesson being taught. It's like an endless wave of heartbreak.

 

I don't ever feel like breaking NC. If I was that upset over a dream, I think if it happened in person. I'd really lose my temper and do something stupid like drive really fast and not drive safely. I'm worried about myself. Just when it seems like it is getting better, something drags me back. Is there no escape?

 

I just want to be me again. Be normal and not be heart broken everyday. Not have this gloomy aura around me. I did my best and I've got no regrets. I'm letting go, yet it still hangs on to me. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Robert013]

Yea that must have sucked. All I can say is try to distract your thoughts right before you go to bed. Read a book, do some meditation, write about your future without your ex. Anything to take your mind off of it before you go to sleep.

 

i have bad dreams also but I am dealing with them better now. Our dreams are just another thing we cannot control so we have to deal with it.

 

I feel for you bud just stay strong and try not to dwell on the dream to long okay.

[pushforward]

Yea that must have sucked. All I can say is try to distract your thoughts right before you go to bed. Read a book, do some meditation, write about your future without your ex. Anything to take your mind off of it before you go to sleep.

 

i have bad dreams also but I am dealing with them better now. Our dreams are just another thing we cannot control so we have to deal with it.

 

I feel for you bud just stay strong and try not to dwell on the dream to long okay.

 

That's the thing. I didn't think about her before I went to bed. I kept praying to God to let me see the lesson being taught. I was thinking of how nice my coworker is. She came to my house and gave me an early Christmas gift and brought some pastries. I really like her, but in the platonic sense. She's really nice and sweet.

 

I'm doing as best as I can to cope, it feels like nothing is helping sometimes. I don't want to be stuck in this pit of despair and pain.

[alli]

I'm sorry you're going through this. All those things that she said in your dream, do you really feel that is what she would say?

[pushforward]

I'm sorry you're going through this. All those things that she said in your dream, do you really feel that is what she would say?

 

I have no idea. I don't speak to her at all. I've done everything I can to cut her out of my life. It's so hard not speaking to somebody that you spend everyday talking to. She moved on so easily. After I found out that she had lied and did cheat on me. I lost it. I couldn't wait for her anymore. The truth is, she didn't need time to be "alone". She needed to test the waters with the new guy. She's extremely selfish and I need to put myself first. I never got closure from her, she doesn't even know that I know about her infidelity.

 

I thought it was best to just leave it as is and walk away. To deal with my pain on my own.

 

I'm in an excruciating amount of pain. I'm trying really hard not to lose it at work. I'm focusing on just getting the job done. It's hard trying to make yourself feel a certain way when you really don't. I really just want to go home and sleep this off and not wake up. I feel like I lost the passion or zest for life. Like there is no meaning to it all. I know it will change in time, but at the moment all I do is see or feel pain.

 

I'm sick and tired of it.

[alli]

I think your dream was your fear of the worst case scenario of what she would say if you spoke to her. I think cheating is a reflection of the character of the cheater & says nothing about the person who was cheated on. And as for her bouncing right off with someone new, keep in mind that it does not mean she didn't think of you. People don't like to be alone. She made a mistake (or mistakes) & after you guys broke up, staying with him was a way of avoiding being alone.

 

Did you ever just allow yourself to feel sadness without trying to block it off? Sometimes it helps me just to cry. If I'm upset about something, I could spend the whole day holding back & once I finally allow myself to think about it & cry, I feel a little better afterward.

 

I don't know if that helped, but I hope you start feeling better soon.

[Robert013]

I agree had a real bad day a few day's back because I was blocking my sadness then it hit me all at once. I suggest having a good cry also.

[pushforward]

I feel it out all the time. I do not hold anything back. Today is one of the worst days in my healing. I already can feel it. This infinite amount of sadness and lack of drive for life. Everything seems so bland and tasteless. I know it will go away. I'm praying for it to go away. I'm just so damn caught up in the sadness and pain. I want it to go away. I've done everything I can and just let time do it's thing.

 

I'm so sad. It's not even bearable anymore. I tell myself I can do this. I can make it through this. It wasn't my fault. I never did anything wrong. It was never right. I have to move on for me. She can't hurt me anymore, it's all self inflicted right now.

[alli]

Maybe that is part of it. You didn't do anything wrong & yet you still found yourself in so much pain. I think things are more bearable if you know what you did wrong & know not to do it again, but when there is nothing for you to learn from there's nothing you can do to avoid it. How long has it been?

[pushforward]

Maybe that is part of it. You didn't do anything wrong & yet you still found yourself in so much pain. I think things are more bearable if you know what you did wrong & know not to do it again, but when there is nothing for you to learn from there's nothing you can do to avoid it. How long has it been?

 

It's been 4 months, 1.5 months of strict NC. I just cried it out in the restroom. I still am hurting, it's still pretty bad. It helped though. I find myself in so much pain because I really thought I had something good. The reality is... I didn't. I know I did absolutely nothing wrong. I treated the girl how I wanted to be treated. Love, respect, honesty and communication. I guess her ideas and mine don't align.

 

First loves are hard. I waited to fall in love with somebody special. 1.5 years of bliss, I hope it's not half a year to a year of misery and ups and downs. I want to be over her. Nobody should ever go through pain like this. Ever.

[pushforward]

More realizations.

 

I'm acting irrationally. As much as it hurts, I've admitted everything to myself. I've accepted it. Yet, the pain still lingers. This isn't love. I don't know what love is or feels like anymore. I just can't stop the crying or sadness at this point. I've experienced enough lows in life. I'm ready for the good stuff now.

[alli]

It takes time. You will feel better eventually. It's already been 4 months so hopefully soon.

[franfran]

Yeah push, everyday you live through this, the further you are along. I think it comes to a point somewhere where we have to make ourselves be happy again. We can't force anything upon ourselves, but lately I have just been telling myself that I am Okay. I'm starting to tell my friends, and whenever people ask how I am, that I am Okay. I'm Good. "I'm Great" is pushing it, but I'm Okay is something I can live with. After I hear myself say this enough, I think I'll start to believe it. I am Okay, really I am. Things could be a lot worse. You're okay too... you're fine! Things are fine. Life is well.

[pushforward]

Yeah push, everyday you live through this, the further you are along. I think it comes to a point somewhere where we have to make ourselves be happy again. We can't force anything upon ourselves, but lately I have just been telling myself that I am Okay. I'm starting to tell my friends, and whenever people ask how I am, that I am Okay. I'm Good. "I'm Great" is pushing it, but I'm Okay is something I can live with. After I hear myself say this enough, I think I'll start to believe it. I am Okay, really I am. Things could be a lot worse. You're okay too... you're fine! Things are fine. Life is well.

 

I dunno. I don't lie about my feelings. I'm completely honest. I've read a grief recovery book. When people say they are okay, when they are really not is not necessarily dealing with their problem. They're just putting it away until later. When did it become a cultural standard to not be able to express your emotions freely? They say to be strong and do this and do that. Unfortunately, I can't fall into the strong category. I wear my heart on my sleeves. Make it or break it. That's just me.

 

The hardest part about grieving properly is talking about it. Sure, it takes time, but eventually you just get sick and tired of talking about it. It just doesn't bother you anymore.

 

I am not fine. I am not okay. But, I know I will be okay. I will be fine. One day and that's the hope that pushes me. I don't have the mentality to lie to myself and say I am okay right now. When I really feel like I'm not. I dunno, that's just me though. It's a bad and good feature about myself, oh well. More self discovery lies ahead. I'm out of panic mode.

 

Took lots of thinking and rationalizing to calm myself down and snap out of it.

 

Now back to loneliness and depression. Ahhh, the familiar feelings. I can rest easy now.

[franfran]

I think it's good that you don't lie about your feelings and you don't throw them under a rug. I don't either, but I don't want to walk around with red eyes and a huge frown on my face because of an exboyfriend anymore. I refuse to let him control my demeanor around other people and my outside appearance. Sometimes I can't help being sad, but most of the time I do control myself and tell myself that I am okay because I know that deep down I am. I think that deep down you are too, push. I only say to tell yourself positive things because it really does make me feel better, but everyone is different!

[pushforward]

I think it's good that you don't lie about your feelings and you don't throw them under a rug. I don't either, but I don't want to walk around with red eyes and a huge frown on my face because of an exboyfriend anymore. I refuse to let him control my demeanor around other people and my outside appearance. Sometimes I can't help being sad, but most of the time I do control myself and tell myself that I am okay because I know that deep down I am. I think that deep down you are too, push. I only say to tell yourself positive things because it really does make me feel better, but everyone is different!

 

Thanks, I don't let her control my emotions. I feel what I feel. Nothing I can do about it. Just work on improving myself and find what makes me happy. Other than the old her...

[Raistlin]

Hey Push,

 

Sorry to hear about the dreams, man. It happens to me nightly and has for over 8 months now, either about ex ex or 8 days girl.

 

8 days girl keeps trying to fit back into my life somehow, telling me she wants to be my friend. It's getting harder to turn her away. I still really, really care for her, but she's still engaged and cares for someone else.

 

I took a huge leap and made my social network profile public, and listed myself on a few online dating sites. Its only been 2 days, and I've already gotten some e-mails. It's not what I want (since 8 days girl is) but I have to move on some time.

 

I lost my job and I can't get what I want, so I'm trying to change what it is that I want. I'm doing more to distract myself, like learning the guitar and getting back into school. Also, the e-mails I've received are positive responses so far, so it's been a nice pick-me-up.

 

I'm not saying to do something you're not ready for, but maybe it's time to start doing more things you didn't do with the ex, and make them a prominent part of your day. Just meeting new people online in the last few days has done wonders to my mood. Maybe something like this could help you, too.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I'm sorry you had this dream, push. I hope you are feeling better.

[pushforward]

FEELING MUCH BETTER!

 

Thank you all for being here and checking up on me. UPS AND DOWNS ARE A * * * * * ! But, we'll all get through this.

 

Striving for quality and greatness.

 

In my case I am the dumpee. I feel horrible and have constant wave of emotions. However, I know that I am AWESOME! No each person is a like, nobody can ever replace me. She may have found somebody that is more compatible with her and fits her wants and needs. That's great for her. I will some day too! It would have been better if she could have been honest, but life doesn't work that way. She cheated and got the best of me.

 

I won't let it hold me down. She did me a favor! Self defeating mentality, GO AWAY!

 

We are all TREASURE. We just have to realize it. It's been the longest 4 MONTHS of my life. I'm tired of being sad. I'm slowly returning to my normal self, but wiser and constantly improving.

 

I AM HAPPY FOR SOME ODD REASON. OMG I'M ALMOST BACK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LET ME HANG ON TO THIS MOMENT FOR LIFE! OR LET IT GET BETTER FROM HERE.

[franfran]

Holy crap. What kind of drugs are you on cause I want some. Of course I am kidding, and I am happy to be reading this right now. I'm pumping my fist in the air for you!