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Being friends with someone that has feelings for you...


fivespot

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Suppose you have a friend that really likes you...I mean that person has really strong romantic feelings for you and you know it.

 

And suppose for whatever reason (rocky relationship, recent breakup, not ready to date, dating someone else, dating many people at the same time, not interested), you just want to stay friends....maybe just for now or for good.

 

Have you ever been in a situation like this before? Would you keep it up? If so, what's your reason for keeping it going, basically keeping this person in limbo? Is it because you want[ed] honest to goodness, genuine friendship, or is it just to use this person for emotional or some kind of other support?

 

Should a person be faulted for wanting to stay friends with someone he/she likes, hoping things will change at some point? Should the uninterested person be faulted for not trying to end the friendship in good faith?

 

It's a sticky situation and most dating advice suggests that you should move on as soon as you find out they want "just friends" but what's the way of thinking over here? Can a person eventually "grow" on someone else to the point where both people would want a relationship?

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I don't think it works that way very often at all. Rather than have the less interested person gain interest, I think more often the more interested person loses interest. Either of those two scenarios brings balance to the relationship. Anything else is torturous on one person or both.

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Happened with a couple friends of mine. Guy liked the girl, girl liked someone else and started seeing someone else. All three are very good friends. Sometimes, it works. People move on. Was it hard in the beginning? I'm sure it was. In fact I know it was. But the people involved decided to make an effort to actually be friends in a genuine sense and so that is what they did.

 

If it were me...for some reason, I can get over unrequited feelings. I've had many situations where I liked a guy but he didn't like me back and it took some time, but usually I got over it without too much stress. But if I actually date the person, it's really hard for me to be friends with them afterwards if I still like them.

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Should a person be faulted for wanting to stay friends with someone he/she likes, hoping things will change at some point? Should the uninterested person be faulted for not trying to end the friendship in good faith?

 

It's a sticky situation and most dating advice suggests that you should move on as soon as you find out they want "just friends" but what's the way of thinking over here? Can a person eventually "grow" on someone else to the point where both people would want a relationship?

 

I don't think any of these things is wrong or immoral. It's just that it's unlikely to happen. People should stay friends only if they want to and can be, just friends, even if there is interest there initially, as long as the person understands that they need to move on, the friendship can work. But if you are there hoping for things to change, yes, it can happen, it has happened, but why put your life on hold. I'd rather move on, stay friends, and open myself up to other possibilities.

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Wait your saying someone you like doesn't like you back but you think by being friends they will just end up liking you? WRONG.

 

i agree. if i remember correctly, you keep posting about this 'friend' you have. never be friends with a girl when you have romantic interest in them in hopes of it developing into something else later. ESPECIALLY if you know they won't date you right now.

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