I Just Feel So Lost

[kool_kid_86]

Several years ago I was dating this one girl. Her family was not really well off, but mine was. Her parent’s goal was to own their own house but they cannot afford it since they worked in low income jobs and had lots of bills to pay. I loved my girl so dearly, and so my goal was to save up my money so that one day I could buy her parents their dream house!

 

Things changed over time, and I cheated on my girl with another girl. Things got bad, and I ended up leaving my ex for another girl. After a month or two of spending time with my new girlfriend, I found myself sort of lost in life. I no longer have a goal that I am working towards and I find myself just living my life day by day not looking for something to do. I just don’t know what to do.

 

I have tried to find new little goals to keep myself focused. I tried working on my design skills and such, but I find little reward in that. I have tried volunteering on top of my job but it just is not the same. I just feel so lost I guess, without a goal keeping my mind focused.

[ErikT]

Why little goals and not big, life changing goals? Start by writting down your dreams. Goals are just the smaller steps you need to take to make your dreams reality.

 

Go to the library and take out a few goal setting books. These may give you some ideas on what types of goals you want to set for yourself.

 

Without dreams and goals, you will be lost.

[catfeeder]

I believe most people go through cycles of feeling lost. I call these times my holding pattern, and I invest in the idea that I'm creative enough to get caught by something sooner or later.

 

My immediate goal then becomes a hunt for inspiration. My attitude means everything during these times; I adopt curiosity and open mindedness. I try to think of exploration as play. I also check the whining. Finding the complaint in everything can become a habit so easily, and it's insidious--I don't always recognize when I've been doing it.

 

Glad to hear that you're volunteering. If you find that it's not the right use of your time, you can always close out the work expected of you then change to a different line of service. It can take a few tries to find the right fit.

 

In your corner.

[kool_kid_86]

I agree that without goals and dreams, I would be lost; and I guess I can begin by finding some inspiration. The problem is that I don't feel inspired by anything. With my ex, I felt a sense of purpose as I needed to graduate from school ASAP so I can find a steady job so I can buy her parents a house. Now without my ex, I am just floating through school just to graduate because it feels like the proper thing to do.

 

Before my ex came along, one of my hobbies was designing simple web pages out of simple HTML. After 6 years, I am now learning how to create 3-D animation and hoping that somehow it will become some sort of dream.

 

Last night before I fell asleep, I began thinking of my future. I remember that with my ex, we would be living together in a cozy two story house along a major bus route. Her parents would live on the first floor as they hate walking up stairs. My girl and I would occupy the second floor. She and I would take turns cooking meals, and I would always take out the garbage (she is really sensitive to weird smells). Now with my current girlfriend, I cannot see our future. I just see empty space. I guess the future helped provide me with some sort of goal or objective I needed to work to get to.

[catfeeder]

[...] Now with my current girlfriend, I cannot see our future. I just see empty space. I guess the future helped provide me with some sort of goal or objective I needed to work to get to.

 

The most boring, enthusiasm killing periods of my life were when I spent my time in the wrong relationship.

 

This GF sounds like your rebound, since your mind is still distracted by your ex--right down to ideas about taking out the garbage for her?

 

Having an SO just to have one is depressing. I didn't learn that until I wasted a lot of time, but you don't need to repeat my mistake. Have you considered ditching the whole GF idea until you get your focus back on a private passion within your own life?

 

In your corner.

[kool_kid_86]

Actually I cheated on my ex with my existing GF (something that I am not proud of). I tried to break-up with her on several occasions, but she doesn't want to leave me because she is deeply in love with me. In addition, a part of me doesn't want to leave her because I know she will be alone and confused without me (sorta the entire guilt trip).

[catfeeder]

Actually I cheated on my ex with my existing GF (something that I am not proud of). I tried to break-up with her on several occasions, but she doesn't want to leave me because she is deeply in love with me. In addition, a part of me doesn't want to leave her because I know she will be alone and confused without me (sorta the entire guilt trip).

 

Yet you don't understand why you have the blahhs?

 

I hope this comes as a relief to you, but if you're staying with someone to do them a favor, you're not serving them. And as you can see, you're certainly not serving yourself.

 

I realize breakups are the pits no matter which side of them you're on, but we all live through them--and in your case, it will soon feel like a big weight has fallen off your shoulders.

 

You can't make someone else into a penance for your mistakes, it just doesn't work. If there was an ounce of benefit to you or the GF, I'd honestly speak differently--but it's such a waste. We never get any time back.

 

In your corner.