legnadeer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 My guy possibly on his way to cheating on me, need some help figuring it out. As luck would have it, his computer broke and he's been using mine for the past month, well last night he didn't log out of one of his email accounts so I went to log him out so I could log in I saw a email that he sent called Lust and Adventure. You bet your A I looked and low and behold it read "Would u like to meet for a drink so we can get to now each other and see if we match?? " I didn't read any further and logged him out and continued my evening. A few things, as of five days ago he's been going through a little depressive episode in which he pulled back from everyone, his company is sending him to Europe for possibly six months our "relationship" is budding, been about nine months so I figure he's at that point where doubt enters. I'm okay with doubt at some stage all relationships go through with it. I'm not okay with cheating. So as I said, I'm sure he hasn't gone through with anything yet but the intention looks to be there. I've been thinking of what my next move should be. I know the final decision is ultimately mine but just wanted to toss around some thoughts. Get advice. 1) Say nothing and see what becomes/be more aware. 2) Ask him if he's been thinking of being with someone else or has he contacted others with the intent - something along this line, not that exactly. IF he's honest, think about working with him, if he lies... move on. 3) Do not pass go, move on immediately. 4) Bring it up and possibly try to work with him, but ask him if this is what he wants. If he's not satisfied in the relationship he needs to go elsewhere but he needs to also know that he will not have his cake and eat it too. I do love him (we're 30/32). And there was nothing until this that made me ever doubt him really. But this one is pretty big. So yeah, I am needing a little help. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Well, you've discovered he wants to cheat at a minimum, may be cheating with others at a maximum. Or perhaps he wants out of the relationship and is shopping for someone new before he leaves. This isn't the kind of thing you can ignore because it impacts you on lots of levels, from potentially catching STDs to trying to form a partnership with someone who lies and cheats. Your best bet is to tell him what you know and see what he says. Then you have to make the hard decision about what to do based on what he said, and whether you believe he really wants this relationship or not. People who make a mistake and are truly remorseful show that very clearly and are ready to work on it, including willingness to go to counseling if you suggest it. But 6 months is not knowing someone long. Perhaps he is a liar and a cheater, and you just found out about it, and that's all you need to know to put him aside and find someone else. Link to comment
legnadeer Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Whoops it's more like 9 months now, looking back on when we first officially begin dating. I don't think he's gone that route yet (fully cheating). Oddly enough as I said, I love him to pieces, but I've gone down the road of having someone cheat on me when I was in my early twenties and it kind of hardened me in a (good) way. I'm not a wreck. I'm just kind of like, can you let me know? It'll be sad (for him) if it's what it seems like. I will move on. It'll be upsetting but ultimately his decisions are what caused mine. His previous ex cheated with someone else for two years before he found out. Devastated him as told to me by his closest friends. We met about a year after that relationship crashed. Funny how people react to getting betrayed. Hmmm. Big decisions to make. Link to comment
alli Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I would get into his email more & see what you can find out. If you approach him now he will make sure you will not be able to get any more information from his email, & you really need to know if he has cheated yet or how close he is to cheating. I've been with my bf for about 9 months & if I was in your shoes I think I would fall apart. I'm sorry this is your situation, but for your own health you need to know what he's up to. I know of this girl that got HIV because her bf was cheating on her with strangers without using condoms. She so much wanted to believe that he was being faithful (now) that she bet her health on it.. continuing to have unprotected sex with him.. & lost. After you know the whole situation, you need to approach him with this information. It will do you no good to stand by while this is happening & say nothing. Link to comment
legnadeer Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Thanks Alli I'm not really into checking his email further - would rather just ask and gauge his reaction/response. I think, unfortunately for him, I've all ready made my decision. It will just depend on a couple of factors if I'll decide to work it out. Sad about that girl. That thought has crossed my mind as well and I'm going to get checked out on Friday just in case. So decision's made, going to bring it up when he returns home tonight. Get a grasp on the situation and see where that takes me/us. Link to comment
lady00 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 It doesn't look good...that would probably be it for me. Sounds like it may be for you too. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Best of luck to you, legnadeer.... I would have opted for your #4 choice... It seems like you might do something like this tonight... Good energy sent to you.... If at some point you feel like sharing what happened.... Link to comment
Alezia Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Does it look like there's an actual conversation to this thing? I always get some random sex spam emails.... they're also from female oddly enough... Link to comment
NJRon Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I was going to say #4 too Link to comment
lady00 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Does it look like there's an actual conversation to this thing? I always get some random sex spam emails.... they're also from female oddly enough... Well, he is the one who sent the email so it isn't spam... Link to comment
Alezia Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Oh sorry, I read that too fast, my bad =) I thought you had said he received such message. My first thought now (after having this sorted out) is that he is registered to an online dating site =| I see that you decided to confront him, I think that's probably the best choice. Let us know what happens! Link to comment
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