Stop me from breaking nc

[pushforward]

i feel like destroying myself right now.

 

i need to stop with this self torture. i really want to throw away my 1.5 months of strict NC. somebody tell me it's not worth it. tell me that it's okay to still love her even after all that hurt, but i need to move on.

 

i have all these answers, i know all the answers, and it's to move on. i can't do it. i'm hurting so badly, why do i have the thought that she can ease my pain? it's a lie i'm telling myself, she is the cause of all of it. i don't ever want to be in this position again, self hate and loathing.

 

i don't feel like i'm good enough for anything. i feel she got the better part of the deal. i have to work really hard to get to my old self. my old happy self. i want to blow up on her so badly. tell her that she's such a * * * * * for cheating on me. lying to my face. i can't be doing this to myself. i'm going crazy. i don't know how people get over somebody so easily.

 

this isn't what makes life beautiful, when am i going to have my chance to be happy again. i've been depressed and working at it. i've been down in the dumps with low spirits and morale. just holding on for dear life and praying for a better day. i feel like my life is in ruins and that i'm powerless to do anything about it.

 

i've done everything i can to make myself happy and to heal. i am already seeing a therapist. i am talking to my close friends for advice. i am going out and not moping at home. i am going to the gym to improve my body. i am going to school to improve physically. i work full time and try to keep busy as i can.

 

i'm in a tremendous amount of pain and want it to go away. i've been trying to speak to god and hope he answers my prayer one day. i'm so desperately seeking to be healed that i cry or feel sad every day.

 

i want to scream at myself. why did my first love have to end up in infidelity and lies? they say relationship are 50/50, what the hell did i do to deserve this. i'm the nicest guy in the world, i don't let people take advantage of me. i was nothing but the best to this girl and she completely devastates me. i love her, but i'm not in love with her, i'm trying to rid myself of her completely.

 

it won't go away, she won't go away. i hate every second of this. i don't want to be this pathetic fool.

 

i will not break nc.

i changed my number for a reason

i blocked her for a reason

she cheated

i don't need closure

she's a liar

i don't deserve this

 

i give myself all the reasons to not speak to her and it HURTS me. ARGH. this isn't logical.

 

anybody in my shoes right now? or have been in my position. please tell me you've healed? become better or anything that i'm not in. my current mindset is self destructive.

[waveseer]

She is completely out of the picture. She is no longer hurting you. You are hurting yourself. It's okay that it didn't work out with her and better that you find out before you get married and have kids and a mortgage. You dodged a bullet.

[pushforward]

i know she isn't in the picture anymore.

 

i know that everything i am doing is self inflicted. i just don't know how to heal or move on at this point. i'm stuck in this vicious cycle. i've tried many things and will keep trying many things until i find something that works.

 

so far i've done the harder approach. stay away from drinking, drugs or sex. i'm trying really hard to heal properly, but it doesn't seem like it's working. i'm stuck in panic mode at the moment and just need to write it out and ride it out.

 

i hate having these negative emotions. driving me INSANE.

[waveseer]

I just say whatever I think might be the thing you need to hear. Feel free to totally ignore it if it isn't what you need to hear.

 

Earlier I think I read that you wanted to let her know she hurt you. If you are getting angry that's a really good sign of progress and once it's resolved you will feel so much better.

 

I would suggest that you continue writing letters. Since it's an internal conflict you can start writing them to yourself.

 

I was pretty pissed off at myself for allowing the situation to ever become what it was. I know I'm much smarter than that.

 

Everybody plays the fool sometime.

[dreamwarrior]

So sorry push....

 

I totally understand how you feel.

 

Think of all you do have that is good in the world

 

Every single day you wake up and breath....REMEMBER your alive for some reason even if you don't know why at the moment, because if you were not supposed to be alive then you would not be breathing at this moment.

 

YOU are important...wake up and tell yourself that every single day...repeat it over and over......is this girl more important than you??

 

Believe me I have thought the same things you are regarding calling and breaking NC to tell my ex what a smuck he is for allowing his weak character using drugs interfere with our dreams....but I will never SURRENDER!

 

i

[pushforward]

SHE IS NOT IMPORTANT.

 

I'm just weak at the moment. I need to love myself first, put myself first and stop being this weakling. Ugh, I despise these feelings. It used to be so easy to love her, now it's the worse thing possible for me. I have to rebuild myself, while she gets to laugh and play. Cruel world, but I must rise to the occasion. Prove myself to be better and keep pushing through the unknown. I just really want to give her a piece of my mind for lying to me.

[Sn0man]

Try this:

 

Sit down with a pencil and a piece (or a hundred pieces) of paper.

 

Write a letter to your ex. Say EVERYTHING you want to say. Rant. Rave. Insult.

 

Get it all down on paper. Every gritty little detail.

 

Read it. Read it again if you have to.

 

Now, burn it.

[Shyguy24]

Life is too short , move on and concentrate on something positive. Take a holiday or something.

[zeldrick]

Hey push,

 

It must be very tough on you having to go through all these. But be rest assured that you're on your road to recovery.

 

All these emotions vying with one another, appearing to you in confusing forms, trying to bring you down. Be stronger than those negativity. Don't give up..they might leave you feeling defeated, down and out, but just don't give in.

 

I just got dumped 2 months back..my partner played me like a fool..I'm his "trophy". I can feel how betrayed and taken like a fool feels. Anger, that's very natural. Let it out by writing, talking it out..play streneous sports..work out..anything to vent it out.

 

Honestly, how can you be considered a weakling? There are many others like you, got cheated and all..and all they could do is whine and nothing else. They don't even push themselves to do things, to get in better shape...etc etc. By facing up to the pain and reality, there's the first courage that its so difficult to summon forth. So pat yourself on the back for this first step and courage you embrace.

 

The second courage to bring forth is to forge on despite the onslaught of your inner negativity and external environmental factors.

 

Maybe the first thing to do to love yourself is to stop telling yourself that you're weak. Instead, praise yourself for being strong enough to face up with this pain, to have walked so far since the day of breakup. Loving yourself is not merely giving yourself a full body spa treatment..it's to appreciate everything about you...your accomplishments, your failures, your joys, your life...

 

Think about this, if you love your lover, would you put her down and tell her she's worthless? Is this how you express your love? Likewise, if you love yourself, you won't put yourself down in anyway.

 

To prolong this pain, you can continue to berate yourself. To recover faster, you need to love yourself more.

 

You deserve to be happy and loved...recognise that this is your entitlement.. =)

 

Don't give up!

[dreamwarrior]

SHE IS NOT IMPORTANT.

 

I'm just weak at the moment. I need to love myself first, put myself first and stop being this weakling. Ugh, I despise these feelings. It used to be so easy to love her, now it's the worse thing possible for me. I have to rebuild myself, while she gets to laugh and play. Cruel world, but I must rise to the occasion. Prove myself to be better and keep pushing through the unknown. I just really want to give her a piece of my mind for lying to me.

 

Good if she is not important then you can get on with your life...I seriously doubt she is laughing or playing since she spent 5 years of her life with you...it's not just that easy to forget a person...the big pretender perhaps, but not over you.

[pushforward]

Try this:

 

Sit down with a pencil and a piece (or a hundred pieces) of paper.

 

Write a letter to your ex. Say EVERYTHING you want to say. Rant. Rave. Insult.

 

Get it all down on paper. Every gritty little detail.

 

Read it. Read it again if you have to.

 

Now, burn it.

 

I'll save this for another day. It's raining so hard outside. I wouldn't be able to get the fire started.

 

Life is too short , move on and concentrate on something positive. Take a holiday or something.

 

I'm planning to, during Winter break.

 

Hey push,

 

It must be very tough on you having to go through all these. But be rest assured that you're on your road to recovery.

 

All these emotions vying with one another, appearing to you in confusing forms, trying to bring you down. Be stronger than those negativity. Don't give up..they might leave you feeling defeated, down and out, but just don't give in.

 

I just got dumped 2 months back..my partner played me like a fool..I'm his "trophy". I can feel how betrayed and taken like a fool feels. Anger, that's very natural. Let it out by writing, talking it out..play streneous sports..work out..anything to vent it out.

 

Honestly, how can you be considered a weakling? There are many others like you, got cheated and all..and all they could do is whine and nothing else. They don't even push themselves to do things, to get in better shape...etc etc. By facing up to the pain and reality, there's the first courage that its so difficult to summon forth. So pat yourself on the back for this first step and courage you embrace.

 

The second courage to bring forth is to forge on despite the onslaught of your inner negativity and external environmental factors.

 

Maybe the first thing to do to love yourself is to stop telling yourself that you're weak. Instead, praise yourself for being strong enough to face up with this pain, to have walked so far since the day of breakup. Loving yourself is not merely giving yourself a full body spa treatment..it's to appreciate everything about you...your accomplishments, your failures, your joys, your life...

 

Think about this, if you love your lover, would you put her down and tell her she's worthless? Is this how you express your love? Likewise, if you love yourself, you won't put yourself down in anyway.

 

To prolong this pain, you can continue to berate yourself. To recover faster, you need to love yourself more.

 

You deserve to be happy and loved...recognise that this is your entitlement.. =)

 

Don't give up!

 

This really helped me at the moment. I'm doing the best I can. Just in so much pain that I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and I can't do anything about it.

 

Good if she is not important then you can get on with your life...I seriously doubt she is laughing or playing since she spent 5 years of her life with you...it's not just that easy to forget a person...the big pretender perhaps, but not over you.

 

We only spent 1.5 years together. I'm not scared of her forgetting me, I'm just angry at how everything happened. Her lies and infidelity is what burns me. Nothing on my end that I can do, to change her actions. I'm just tired of fighting the good fight. I was too good to her, nice guys do finish last. Do I really need to be a jerk to keep the ones I love?

[Ashsun87]

Hey Push.

 

I too had suffered a 1.5 year breakup, back in March. It took me 8 months to heal completely. It took so much pain, emotion, heartbreak. It took so much anger. It took writing in my journal. It took writing on here.

 

It took a lot to get over her.

 

I feel like I am like you in that I took it so hard, I felt I was going insane. I was blindsided. A week before she broke up with me, she had told me she wanted to get an apartment. She wanted kids, we had names for our kids. I had just gotten her a promise ring maybe 3 weeks before she woke up with me.

 

Then one day she was just gone, out of my life completely. I tried the begging, the pleading, and she told me she "just wanted to be single right now."

 

NC started.

 

How could she do this to me?

 

NC continued.

 

She said she wanted to marry me, she said she wanted kids!!!!!!

 

Still, NC.

 

3 weeks into NC, she texted me "Hey jake how are you?"

 

I was unwavering, I kept to NC. I was a rock. I wasn't budging.

 

I was wrong.

 

28 days into NC, urge to send her a letter arises. Not sure why I want to send the letter, but I want to. I want to "end" everything on a good note, I don't want her to think of me as a jerk.

 

32 days into NC I send the letter. Not only does she not look at it, she doesn't respond to it a WEEK after I send it (I sent it on Myspace). When she does respond, she tells me how insanely happy she is, and she has a new boyfriend. She tells me quote "He is the most amazing thing ever, I am so happy." I kid you not.

 

Back to day one, I thought. Not quite. The month of NC beforehand had allowed me to see the relationship for what it really was. I was hurting so much, knowing how happy she was. Knowing I was just cast aside, like nothing. Knowing she was already in another relationship, doing things with another guy, it was UNBEARABLE. That word does not describe it fully enough.

 

I started NC again, with the true intent on never speaking to her again. I started real NC. I was finally doing it not to get her back, but to heal. I didn't want to live in this hell anymore. No way.

 

No checking her Myspace. No checking her Facebook. Nothing. I fell off the face of the earth. I improved myself.

 

I worked out. I got a good job. I studied harder in college. I hungout with friends. I met new people.

 

I hurt every single day for the first 6-7 months I would say. Easily.

 

If I was at work, I hurt. I'd hear our song, I'd want to die. Someone who looked like her? Pain. Pain everywhere.

 

Replaying the memories in my head, replaying the good times, the intimate times. Every damn thing played around in my head. I tried to keep busy.

 

Work, friends, and self improvement. No matter how busy I was though, she wouldn't leave my mind.

 

Time is ultimately what healed me, and I think is what heals a lot of people. Some people can just walk away from a relationship, knowing it was bad. They shrug their shoulders, maybe feel the sting of heartbreak for a few weeks, but ultimately they are back to themselves in what seems like no time at all.

 

I'm not that kind of person and I don't think I ever will be.

 

1.5 months into my breakup I hadn't even begun to heal man, just truthfully. It takes time, but also you have to do positive things during the time. Start working out, start reading self help books on relationships. Continue to vent on here. Hangout with friends. Feel the pain. Learn from your mistakes in the relationship, correct them, and know that one day you will love again. You will.

 

I did. That's why I'm here. I loved again, and unfortunately I lost again. That's the game of love. I will heal from this relationship, and I will love again. Just like you will. It's going to hurt like hell, but we aren't alone. We have a bunch of people in this community feeling what we feel everyday.

 

Stay strong man, PM me if you ever want to chat.

 

P.S. My ex is now miserable with her "amazing" man, she ended up contacting me begging to hangout with me. I had absolutely no urge to hangout with her, none. You will heal. It just takes time.

[pushforward]

So... I did it.

 

I broke NC. I looked at her myspace. Wasn't worth it. Feel crappy. I know it isn't as bad as it seems, but I shouldn't have done it. She's moved on with her life and I haven't. I have to pick up the pieces.

 

Love hurts.

[pushforward]

god, i'm in a lot of pain right now.

 

remind me to not to do that again. reading his comments. ugh, feel sick and disturbed. there must be something wrong with me. 4 months and i'm still hurting like day 1. i know other people have gone through worse things, but why am i so damn selfish, why can't i let go. why do i still love her, why the hell does she still have the power to hurt me.

 

i literally meant jack squat to her, that's what burns me the most right now. she gets a running head start and leap frog to a new relationship, while i am left to burn, life is cruel eh?