striker_dude Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 It seems like I'm playing games with this girl unintentionally This lady owes me another $ 1100 from a loan I gave her earlier, and if I ever hope to get my money back, I have to be careful what I'm telling her. Wait, what? You gave this woman MONEY? $1100 on top of other monies? And you haven't even met her? She's the one playing games with YOU. Any money you gave her you will never see again. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 28, 2008 Author Share Posted December 28, 2008 Wait, what? You gave this woman MONEY? She didn't have enough money for downpayment. If the deal didn't close I would not get paid. So, I spent $ 2000 out of a deal where I was paid $ 6000, so I only made $ 4000. So far she paid $ 900 back owing another $ 1100. And you haven't even met her? I sold her a home. The story is posted on this thread. She's a Real-Estate client. The home went on power of sale as she defaulted on the mortgage and she went up to an isolated Indian Reserve to find a job. However, it appears that the business relationship appeared to change to an infatuation on her end. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 The unthinkable just happened. She lost her mind when she said I was not coming and is now in a hospital somewhere. She called me and I returned her call to find out what happened. She said some personal things happened with her, she got disillusioned with a religious ministry, and said when I said I couldn't come to Winnipeg to meet her, she cracked up. I am really compelled to comment. This is manipulation. Maybe one doesn't think so because "one can't help their medical state" but it sort of happened to me. My husband's mother was always in the hospital when something happened that she couldn't emotionally take or just didn't want to deal with, and when my husband abandoned me, and I tried to contact him later, he supposedly had a nervous breakdown hearing my voice. It is all severe manipulation and drama although the person may not be consciously out to do it. There were so many other things over the years that when I genuinely was in medical distress (but feeling fine emotionally) it was ignored by others saying I was "manipulative" But...if you were playing her and made it like you want to be with her when you didn't, that is manipulative too! This woman needs LOTS and LOTS of help. But do not come to her rescue physically. If you feel inclined, help anonymously by making phone calls to alert people in her area to help her, people in her church etc. But you need help too Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 She thinks I'm her boyfriend and is telling my mom that she loves me and that she claims I said I love her. She's tried calling me yesterday. It's clear to me what I have to do. I have to tell her that a long-distance relationship doesn't work for me because she is not here and since we didn't meet since February 2008 she's building a fantasy that's not real unless she comes to Toronto or something. At the very least this put things in perspective by showing her that she's unrealistic about her feelings and wont be thinking of me as her current boyfriend. I must do this, or I wont give myself permission to look at 'regulated' porn or use a fleshlight and will be returning books, such as 'how to make women laugh' and 'Doc Love's' dating guide for a refund because I'll be settling and these infrastructures were in place to prevent that from happening. To be in my own chummy good books I have to let this girl know where things stand. Link to comment
Lisa_Lisa Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Reality Check! Since I have read your posts I have not been able to fathom you out. I am not trying to be disrespectful of anything, but jeez you know - I am not sure which planet you are on. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Reality Check! Since I have read your posts I have not been able to fathom you out. I am not trying to be disrespectful of anything, but jeez you know - I am not sure which planet you are on. That's good because nobody on here is supposed to fathom me out anyway, including myself. However, I will say one thing, this certainly is an irony of life. You see the premise of viewing porn (very limited use if any at all) or using a fleshlight is on the idea that I cant find a relationship and feel these substitutes have raised my comfort level being single. It's quaranteened between Jan 15/09 - April 15/09 - but a judgment involved in allowing these things to exist in my life has to be premised on the fact that I can not get a girl. Now you got this lady here that's acting like she's madly in love with me and I'm rejecting her as 'just friends'. Since I've just debunked another girl who claimed to be interested in me I can safely say there is no one out there and can continue with that regime, or whatever it is. You see, I'm not from another planet, this is my way of venting my frustrations of not being able to find anyone suitable for a relationship. I've told her this morning that we are 'just friends'. She's cool with that and understands that it's not realistic to have a long distance relationship. I'm still cool with talking with her, or her coming to visit me here, but as long as there is an understanding that CURRENTLY we are 'just friends'. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Now she's called back again twice on my cell phone and left messages, wondering how my day is going, and also if I'm angry with her and left a lengthy message, after I told her let's be just friends. At this point I'm just stunned, I'm not sure what to make of this. It sounds like fatal attraction or something the way this is going. She complains I didn't reply back to her email where she is expressing her feelings towards me saying that she's madly in love with me and wants to massage me. I told her already on the phone this morning that I'm just interested in 'friends only' for now -- now she's interpreting this as that I'm upset with her or something. I mean I thought I did my part by saying we are 'just friends' this morning. I didn't say it convincing enough or something? I have to reply by email and tell her this again? What am I supposed to do? This lady is undermining that reguime I posted about above. Link to comment
Lisa_Lisa Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Trouble is -you seem to have strung her along for so long that she is probably confused. You tell her that you are CURRENTLY just friends.. is that not telling her that things might change. She is holding on to the fact that you might be more than just friends. If you really dont want a relationship with this lady then you need to tell her straight. Stop confusing her. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Trouble is -you seem to have strung her along for so long that she is probably confused. You tell her that you are CURRENTLY just friends.. is that not telling her that things might change. She is holding on to the fact that you might be more than just friends. If you really dont want a relationship with this lady then you need to tell her straight. Stop confusing her. But, nothing is cut in stone. I'm not 100% sure I don't want a relationship with her down the road, but I"m 100% sure that I don't want a relationship with her NOW. I don't want her to think I'm her boyfriend, now or for her to be calling me five times a day and see that escalating to madness. Of course, I have some vested interest to ensure there is no relationship between January 15th - April 15th based on that other 'system' I was talking about earlier because that would mean I wont be allowed to look at any porn or sexuality stuff on the internet during that time if I'm on a relationship with her, even if it's long distance. The fact that I would enjoy indulging a crutch rather than having her, even on a purely philosophilcal and psychological terms, seems to speak volumes that I'm not really there, or want a relationship with her more than anything else. I suppose I don't want a relationship with her if that is the case. So, you are saying, I have to extinguish all avenues of hope with this woman? How do I break this to her? Just tell her I don't want her? She owes me money though. Should I just be firm once I collect the money and deposit it to my credit card account? Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 It sounds like you are leveraging her interest in you to reclaim your loan. While it's easy to understand why a person would do this, that doesn't make it very fair to her. The kindest thing to do would be to forgive the loan and be honest about your lack of interest in her romantically. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 It sounds like you are leveraging her interest in you to reclaim your loan. While it's easy to understand why a person would do this, that doesn't make it very fair to her. The kindest thing to do would be to forgive the loan and be honest about your lack of interest in her romantically. Well, the facts is that she already mailed the cheque last week and I've already told by phone that I'm currently interested in 'just friends' with her. A loan is still a loan and here's where different issues get crossed. Money is money and a discussion pertaining to money or business doesn't belong in a romantic or long distance relationship issue or would be entertained. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well, the facts is that she already mailed the cheque last week and I've already told by phone that I'm currently interested in 'just friends' with her. A loan is still a loan and here's where different issues get crossed. Money is money and a discussion pertaining to money or business doesn't belong in a romantic or long distance relationship issue or would be entertained. So, you are waiting for the check to arrive (and clear)? Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 So, you are waiting for the check to arrive (and clear)? Of course. I have to call her back to tell her it didn't come in the mail if I don't get it by Friday next week. Should get it sometime this week. She sent a cheque before for $ 900 and it cleared so she's good with her word. ($ 2000 loan - no interest charged) Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Of course. I have to call her back to tell her it didn't come in the mail if I don't get it by Friday next week. Should get it sometime this week. She sent a cheque before for $ 900 and it cleared so she's good with her word. ($ 2000 loan - no interest charged) Business certainly does make for strange bedfellows. lol Link to comment
lemondust Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 'Luke Skywalker' - there are some points that stood out for me whilst reading your posts. 1 - You use a 'system' of sorts to gage how high a woman's interest level is for you....and you decide you want someone with a higher level than you have for them, so that you can 'get away with murder' until her interest level drops. It doesn't strike me as particularly healthy that anyone should approach others in this way, particularly for a long-term, satisfying and meaningful relationship. Perhaps consider just allowing yourself to feel strongly for someone rather than measuring them, for your own gain. 2 - You talk alot about what your mom has said - why does your mom seem to have so much leverage over you? Most people love and respect the opinions of their family, but our personal relationships actually have nothing to do with them as far as I'm concerned. We can share our thoughts with them...but using parents as a guidance counsellor, or relationship coach is generally not attractive. 3 - You say you want a relationship - this is a genuine question: would you want a relationship with you? Based on how you think and the things you have said about this particular woman? Its not a bad idea to be the kind of person you might like to attract. I feel quite sorry for the lady that has gotten involved with you, and I suggest the next time you get involved with someone, question your intentions. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Perhaps consider just allowing yourself to feel strongly for someone rather than measuring them, for your own gain. But it doesn't matter how you feel, it matters how she feels, right? If she doesn't want you, then you know what you can do with your interest level. but using parents as a guidance counsellor, or relationship coach is generally not attractive. If someone doesn't find that attractive, then that's probably not the right person for me. A woman who is involved with me also has to be friends with my mom. In fact, my mom is more socialable and liable to connect than I am. 3 - You say you want a relationship - this is a genuine question: would you want a relationship with you? Based on how you think and the things you have said about this particular woman? Its not a bad idea to be the kind of person you might like to attract. Well, I've been 33 years without a serious relationship, and as far as I'm concerned, I don't need one. It would be nice if I had one, but having a relationship with 'anyone' just to have a relationship is not something I'm interested in as this thread is saying. I feel quite sorry for the lady that has gotten involved with you, and I suggest the next time you get involved with someone, question your intentions. I'm not responsible for somone developing feelings on me. Remember, even you implied that nobody would like to have a relationship with me. Unfortunately, this is something I also believe, but then I get this weird feeling when I see a woman develop an interest or feelings in me. So, I don't have to question my intentions if women aren't supposed to fall in love with me in the first place. Link to comment
Lisa_Lisa Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I agree with lemondust wholeheartedly. Lemondust put it so eloquently. But really - get a grip - you seem to living on another planet from the real world that the rest of us live in. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was clear with her on my last letter that it was just an abstract personal policy that I was talking with her for 30 minutes every day and nothing was intended further than the policy. I made it clear that there is no relationship and I fully intend to talk to other women and not just her alone. She says it's okay because she talked to other guys when she had a boyfriend and did not consider that cheating. In fact she says she is a very sociable person. Well, anyway, if she lets me talk to other girls, where potential feelings or romantic relationships could occur, then I suppose it's not really a relationship anyway, and if it is, it's probably nothing for me to worry about in terms of any impediment to my personal growth. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Alright, now is the ultimate test. Because I have a relationship with her (as she believes) I can not look at any porn past that date because I will be cheating on her if I do. Since she is long-distance, I've explained it to her she is unavailable to meet any physical need so I want to look at that stuff and have just asked her if she thinks I'm cheating on her and if she's okay with me looking at that stuff and using a fleshlight. I will be awaiting her response tomorrow. So she says I can talk to any girls, and I suppose potentially have dates her if I click with anyone (I guess she doesn't think I'll click with anyone else except her so she's confident), so let's see what she thinks of a porn issue. A gf that doesn't care about what porn or fleshlight I use to get off on porn or encourages it sounds cool to me. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 She does not mind me looking at some porn while she is away long-distance and will be coming down to here in the March-break. Alright, she may not be what I'm looking for looks wise, but she's alright as far as I'm concerned. Link to comment
striker_dude Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She does not mind me looking at some porn while she is away long-distance and will be coming down to here in the March-break. Alright, she may not be what I'm looking for looks wise, but she's alright as far as I'm concerned. If a woman minded me looking at porn when she was away, ESPECIALLY in an LDR, I would consider her to be selfish and immature and I would not want her to be my woman any more. Link to comment
Summer_Day Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I was just finishing up reading this thread and i personally thought that it was the weirdest thing ever. You tell the reader that you dont like the way that she looks and smells, that your interest level is 40% in her but you are interested in her because she has a high level interest in you. Then you say that she owes you money and you give the reader the idea that you are leading her on so that you can get the money back. Then, you are saying that she is coming down to see you. On top of that, you are at least 33 years old and live with your mommie. Any self respecting woman would not want a man that has never moved away from his mommie. I honestly think that this is a scam post made by someone who wanted to entertain himself with other comments. Stick to your porn and leave this poor woman alone. If you have not had a relationship in 33 years, as you say, you are probably a selfish man who has poor mommie as a slave. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 One of the reasons that I'm happy the economy is tanking and people are getting laid off and losing their homes is that people who normally look down on other people who are not as successful as they are get a taste of their own medicine when they realize that they are all of a sudden jobless and lost no matter how great of a work ethic they have and look down on the less fortunate as being lazy and not wanting a job. Posts like the one above inspire this sentiment within me. Peoples lives are complex and can not be judged with black and white standards otherwise, maybe you may get a reality check in your own world. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 The above is made for dramatic impact and illustrative purpose only and not intended to make a blanket judgment. I've seen documentaries that nice people who have given to charities and food banks have also been effected and lost jobs. Good and bad people alike. I'm no longer going to continue with this thread that has now turned into a blog. What I'm going to do with this girl is not going to be in any way influenced by any comments or advice on this thread since this is no longer a safe venue to get any helpful advice. I'm going to make it a point to pursue this girl and whether I like her or not, play along with her and pursue other attractive girls knowing I have a safe-bet that will be coming over in the March break --- the very though of that just gives me a rush. Life is not fair with me, I can treat anyone anyway I like because of that. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I don't see why someone with your attitude would, but please be fair to her and let her know you are keeping your options open so she doesn't end up terribly hurt in the end. Link to comment
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