I did something stupid

[colly]

And got drunk and told her it was over.

 

We have been together for a 4 years with a year apart. Recently, i have been feeling depresed as she has been moving away for education for thre years. I wanted to suport her but i found it very hard and she accepted that i was finding it difficult to be left behind while she moved onto a new life.I was not optomistic about it working but she really wanted to give it a try.

 

I have trust issues with this girl - i do trust her but something happened once (she did not cheat, but ended up with my best friend when we split up) so felt very nervous.

 

She kept me away from all the talk of her moving away, and i was not involved, but i wanted to show my suport but when she went away to see the place i was enver invited. I thinkshe did not want to upset me but it got to apoint where i felt like she just wanted to get away from me.

 

I have become verymiserable, and clingy and we have not been intamate at all recently , she says it is because sh cannot be intimate with someone who is upsetting her.

 

I have kept pushing and pushing her and one weekend when she was away i got drunk and talked to my mate on the phone. He said something that contradicted what she had said about why i could not be with her. I got engry and felt lied to and told him to tell her i could not do it anymore.

 

It turns out i was wrong

 

He did, i did not remmeber this call until the morning when i had not heard from her. I called asn asked why she sounded upset. She said i had finished with her.

 

She has jsut accepted it. Maybe she had been thinking about it for a while, but she gave NO impression, telling me how it would all be ok and everything. she was very supportive.

 

My questions. I regtret what i said, but how can she jsut forget everything, act like she hates me, why not even ask me why i finished it. What do i do about this. How can you jsut forget your feeligns for someone.

 

 

i have tried to be the best boyfirned to her. But i have not been. i am really nice, but i get angry and take it out on her. She has stood by me

Advice is , as ever, appreciated

[rich_1517]

ouch, well my friend i can relate. I did pretty much the same thing, blamed her for much and pushed her away, she isnt very emotional so i didnt see it coming until she said "its over" i created the circumstance she took the opportunity.

 

if this is within the last few days then quickly do an analysis of your own behaviour (honestly) if you have been a jerk, how? Women know how they have been hurt and if your cries of I'll do better dont have enough truth in them they will possibly throw out the whole thing.

 

Lok at:

selfishisness - were you?

ungrateful?

controlling?

angry?

 

each one has a solution that you have to find in yourself. these things are poison to a relationship if they get out of hand.

 

Talk to her as soon as you can, dinner if you can, if you have to drive there ok. swallow your pride, be prepared to hear "no" and not get hurt.

 

Then get busy, real busy, she will call, dont call her, make sure you get all your wrongs on the table without looking like a wimp and honest admittal of what you did and that you are working on it.

 

Then work on it. and start healing from the loss becuase she probably was as ready to go as you were to be angry. i have to face it myself, just becuase it took us months to admit we were no fun anymore doesnt mean its in her time. meaning that she may have thought the same too, just not acted on it.

 

Long distance relationships are very, very hard. You may not want this so i would also take time to ask yourself if maybe this isnt for the best, obviously it has upset you to see her go. The question is do you love her enough to have the relationship with her on her terms? which by not saying much about the planning, etc. says she wants to live her life whether you can handle it or not. Trying to control someone we love only makes them go farther. I wish there was an easy answer here.

[No-Fear]

i do have to say that i agree very strongly with what rhone101 has just said, it all makes sense to me. you too should talk about it, in the mean time work on what you think didnt make you the perfect boyfriend, but first figure it out then,ask yourself why. then you work on it. the why would give you the building block to start from scratch in that field. and now you can say you been through that and you know how to react to the certain situation. but it all has to start with you and end with you, your gonna have to show her how tou really care about her and are really tring to change

 

Best of Luck

[colly]

Thankyou for your replies.

 

I do agree and understand everything you say

 

The hardest part right now is two things.

 

firstly, that with no signs of being upset by the relationship, infact, being more supportive, and understanding about what we were ging to have to go through than i was, that she has just accepted a lot of drunken words from me and not even asked why i felt that it had to end.

 

Second, not that i expect her too, but she has kind of just agreed to what i said and is now being really harsh towards me and has not like even called me or anything. I think i expected her to do something, but she has kind of just vanished and called it a aday.

 

This upsets me since we both put so much into the four years and went throught so much, that surely it has to mean something. Why is she not sitting in a blank state like me.

 

I did contact her, she said we needed tot alk, but kept putting it off. I got in touch today about meeting up as we planned - she just asked what we had to talk about - like nothing had ever happened.

 

This presents two issues -one is she playing games, she has done this before, just been so angry so i felt her too it.

 

and two i feel that her apparent no concern for the relationship and what i considered we had maked me angry in the sense that i put alot of myself into it. so did my family. i feel that hurting me in this way is also hurting my family. I expected a lot from my folks to let her back in after the last incidents, but they did - now i feel i have upset them too.

 

Thankyou for listening

[No-Fear]

you have to see past this, she MIGHT be playing games, or she might just be testing you to see how series you really are. you have to prove to her that you are really series about the relationship. just go on and talk to her

 

Best of luck

[colly]

She willnot entertain the idea though. Like i say, we were suposed to meet up but she kept delaying it and eventually asked what we were suposed to talk about. She does not seem to have any intention of talking it over -else she is playing.

 

Heres what i will do-

 

I will send a flower on valentines day- with a simple message of " i am sorry"

 

I will see what hapens after that

 

The onylconcern i have is my wording, in that, will "im sorry " mean, i am sorry about what i did, i was wrong it was a mistake lets sort it

 

Or will it mean, i am sorry that it is over, so long farewall

 

Any ideas?