She broke up with me after almost 3 years

[kst_091]

Me and my girlfriend were together for almost 3 years and she decided to break up for a few weeks and have a bit of a break together cos she didn't feel the same anymore and she needed time and space. I couldn't help myself and i kept calling and texting her and in the end she told me she defintly doesn't want to get back together. We are still talking a little bit and remain friends over the last week or so. She told me that one day we might get back together but it wont be for a long long time. Im finding it hard without her as we were such good friends and saw alot of eachother. I don't know what to do, should I leave her alone and contact her every now and then to stay in touch, or do I leave her alone completely to let her miss me, but im worried if I do that then she will just completely forget about me and then theres no way we will ever get back together.I think there could be someone else who she says that there just friends and nothing is going on. She is really stubbourn and probably wouldn't make contact with me if I didn't, even if she really wanted to. What should I do...

[RedeemMe]

DO NOT CONTACT HER. PERIOD.

you will only driver her further away. She would have given it a thought before breaking up. If things are meant to be they will fall in place. You cannot act as a catalyst, unless its a bad deed. And people just don't forget. She just does not feel the same about you anymore and the best thing for you to do is let go. Do not nag her, beg her, harass her. None of that. Just let her know how deeply you loved her in a latter that she can read and re-read later. But, let go.

[kadvati79]

Don't feel bad... about contacting her during the break. This is quite natural, and you can rest assured you did not do anything that enhanced the breakup. Once the wheels of breaking up have started in motion, the eventual result is the same - the only variable is the time taken before those big wheels ride over you relationship and break it up into tiny pieces.

 

It's called a breakup cause its broken... But because your relationship is so much a part of your life, and because it was forcefully taken from you, your life has been broken also. When we're wounded the most important thing we can do is look after ourselves and focus on our healing. The most important factor in your life is you.

 

No way of getting back together. There is no happy ending for the two people you both were getting back together in this situation. Your future is irreparably changed. There is no going back, and no reunion between the people you both were. But if you focus on yourself, and grow as a person - you will eventually start a new relationship with even more promise than the one before. This new relationship might, possibly, include the new you, and the new her... but you would never be the same people.

 

Focus on you. Mourn the loss of the relationship. Relish the chance to change and reinvent yourself. This makes no sense now, I know, but you need something to focus on. Remember... Action comes before feelings! You might not feel like going to the gym, or going out with some friends... but act and the feelings will follow later.

 

Your body wants you to feel bad. Your body is making you feel sad because it wants you to address the loss you feel. But you cannot address this feeling, because you cannot reverse the loss even if you got back with her tomorrow. The hurt and the pain would still remain. You need to push past what your body is telling you to do on the surface, and see the bigger picture.

[kst_091]

Does anyone else have any advice for me...it'd be appreciated.

[kadvati79]

Getting back with your ex. If I honestly knew the answer to that, I'd have written a book and would be hosting my own TV show on the subject!

 

The lion's share of people on this message board will identify with everything you said in your post, I know I do. The mistakes I made, my ex being a stubborn person, the fears they won't contact even if they regret... all those things many will identify with.

 

All you have to work with now is yourself. Your best hope of both getting back with her and moving on is to work and grow on yourself. There is really nothing else you can do. But this means only focusing on positive activities. For example, being available to her for whatever is not a positive outcome for you - remove yourself from her. Drinking lots is not a positive outcome, but being social is a positive outcome.

 

If you grow and develop she will either notice this, or you will grow as a person and meet someone new. There is really nothing you can do to make someone come back, no matter what any book or person tells you. But you can make yourself better, you can work on feeling better - and thats the only thing you should be doing.

 

I hope that helps mate!

[kst_091]

i just found out she has already got someone else. There not together but there well on their way. This is even worse then before, just went i thought i was turning the corner this happens.

[Lugh]

Kst what you need to do now is to focus on yourself. I would advise NC because it helps YOU to heal.

 

Hard and all that it will be , you need to forget her and move on as best as you can, staying in contact with her will only mess you up and you will get hurt over and over again.

 

i didnt heal until i went NC, and it took me along time and a lot of heartache before i saw the light.

 

You have a hard road ahead of you, be good to yourself , go easy on yourself, stay strong and good luck.

[ljoy74]

I'm about 5 or 6 months out of a 4-year relationship. We broke up 1 week before our 4-year anniversary and I didn't think I would ever heal. Even my friends and family thought I would be eternally broken.

I'm going to be honest with you.

You have to let go. If the two of you are truly meant to be it will work out and she won't forget about you. And if you don't work out the person you are meant to be with is BETTER than her. I still don't believe I'll find someone better than my ex, better than what we had but in time I'm sure that will change. In order to heal you need time and space from her. You've got to get rid of the things that make you think about her. I took out pictures and stuffed animals and letters he had written me and hid them. What he and I had was beautiful while it lasted so I chose not to throw anything away.

Get out of your house. Do not sit and wallow in your pain. Make yourself get out and keep going with your normal daily routine. You can't let her stop your life. You deserve someone who wouldn't want to take a break from you EVER. Don't you want to be wanted like you want her? It should be mutual.

In conclusion, it's going to be ok. It's going to take time and dedication but the pain WILL subside and you will heal and you will date other people. Don't push yourself to hard but don't be scared. There is nothing to fear.

We're here for you on ENA and there are surely people in your life who care for you to. Please do not contact her. It stunted my healing process and it could stunt yours. And if she contacts you, try to avoid contacting back for at least a month. It really is the ONLY way to move on.

[ljoy74]

And I just saw your comment about her having someone else.

My ex did to and it absolutely broke me. They weren't dating just "hanging out" or something lame like that. Just know inside that the likelihood of that person being a rebound is next to 100%. Breaking up is easier for alot of people when they have someone already to move on to, someone to fill up their mind. This doesn't not mean you aren't a good enough person or boyfriend. It just means you weren't dating someone who was very bright. Things most likely are not clear to you now but they will be with time. Pray that time passes quickly like I did.

If you need someone to talk to just private message me. I know how badly everything you're feeling sucks. It really will be okay.