They are in trouble

[alli]

I am really close to a couple who are facing a big problem in their marriage.

 

Recently, the husband used his 17 year old daughter's computer to look at some pornography. A couple weeks later, the daughter ran accross the browser history & saw what someone had been looking at on her computer. The wife & daughter confronted the husband & he confirmed it was him. The daughter is of course not reacting to this well. It totally changes her father in her eyes.

 

Now, the wife is very religious & thinks porn is "disgusting & against God". A couple years ago, she found his porn videos & was very upset at that time; reacting as if he was cheating on her. So he already knew how she felt about him looking at this stuff. One of the websites was called "Father-Daughter" or something. The wife thought the women in the wideo looked like 15 year old girls. I think it is possible she assumed the worse & maybe the girls were 18. Maybe it is just called "Father-Daughter" but it's basically just middle-aged men with younger women.

 

I definitely think he was wrong to use his daughter's computer to look at it; especially a website called "Father-Daughter" considering his daughter was likely to find it! If the girls in the video were under 18, I wonder if the website is tracked by the police & they will be visiting him soon. I'm want to see for myself if I think the website is underage or not, but I'm not about to get that stuff on my computer or get in trouble if it IS underage.

 

In the event that there was nothing illegal about the website, I wonder if the wife is overreacting. She said she was going to move out. I don't really think looking at porn is something to end a marriage over (if it is legal, again). He has NEVER been inappropriate with his daughter; I can say that with certainty. And he has never cheated on his wife. Can you blame him for wanting visual stimulation when there's no action in his marriage?

 

I feel really bad for them. The wife & daughter are taking it pretty hard. He was definitely wrong to use his daughter's computer, but other than that (again, asssuming the website was legal) is the wife overreacting? Would you want to get divorced if your partner looked at porn? Would you get divorced if you TOLD your partner you didn't like them doing it & they continued doing it anyway?

[Mutley]

That's really crazy. What was this guy thinking?

 

It's like, I'm just not going to cause a major problem for myself looking at porn....but I'm going to throw a few other factors into the mix make sure it's REAL bad.

[Onetimer95]

Clearing a browser history is not rocket science, people. They should make that a mandatory pre-marital class.

[tangi39]

While I'm not against porn, I do think this guy was an idiot about it.

 

First, WHY would you continue to look if you know how much it upsets your wife and she asked you not to.

Then, WHY on earth would you look at it on your teenage daughter's computer and then look at porn that has a father/daughter vibe when you know that both your wife and daughter are going to find it ?

 

Honestly, I don't blame either woman for being mad in this situation-

And as his wife, I'd be doubly mad for involving their daughter in all of this.

 

As far as not enough "action" in their marriage, Masturbation existed long before there was porn on the internet.

 

I think the best thing for you to do, is just stay out of it. You never know the full story in anyone's marriage.

And from the information you offered, I don't blame his wife for being this upset. Not at all.

[alli]

I don't see why he used her computer when his own was a whole 2 rooms away. He wouldn't even have to clear the history on his own computer; no one else ever uses it. He's normally a pretty reasonable guy so I don't know what he was thinking.

 

Trust me, I would have preferred not to know about this at all. But not knowing doesn't mean the problem isn't there & the wife really needs someone to talk to who doesn't blow her off.

[tangi39]

Maybe he thought he wouldn't get caught if he used his daughter's computer-

but in doing so, he made the situation a hundred times worse.

Again, I don't see why he looked if he knows this could cause a permanent rift in his marriage. If your spouse asks you not to do something, don't do it.

Why is this a difficult concept to grasp ?

 

If he cannot get away from masturbating, he can do it without porn.

Porn has become so convenient now, that some people feel they can't live without it- I am not against porn BUT

Unfortunately, it can become a problem if it interferes in the marriage. Then the use of it needs to be examined closer.

 

Understandable. I got the wrong impression. Be her shoulder if that's what she needs. I'm sure she's getting a lot of "It's no big deal" comments.

If something comes between you and you spouse, it IS a big deal.

If your spouse, was choosing to eat cookies instead of having sex with you- Then guess what- as harmless as cookies in and of themselves are, if it's coming between you and your spouse, then it IS a big deal and needs to be addressed.

[knightNshiningarmor]

everyone has a right to place where porn stands on their moral compass...personally its w/e

i know there are some people who have a real addiction to it and it may be that this guy is addicted to it which would explain to what steps he took to see it... i would recommend that you talk to your wife friend and see if she would be willing to allow her husband to go to a psych or counseling as a means to save their marriage.

[LostInFlorida]

The whole "father-daughter" thing might be a concern. And why was he on his daughters computer, I'm assuming in her room? And did he run a batch right there in his daughters room? I mean, why look at porn if your not gonna run a batch? So for me, if he's looking at father-daughter porn, and peeling one off in his daughters bedroom, then something here doesn't pass the smell test. Just my $.02............

 

p.s. did the mom and daughter look in the hamper and see if he ran a batch on any of her underwear or clothes? He might be a true sicko or something.....

[MercuryRetro]

Sheesh, what an idiot.

 

And that father-daughter thing really is creepy. In your daughter's room no less. Yuck.

 

Not sure what to think. I'd be creeped out and offended. Unless he hadn't really thought through the implications and did something really stupid.

[Alezia]

I'm not sure if I should laugh or be creeped out. While I do think the whole "against marriage" Christian beliefs of porn are a bit ridiculous, it was his choice to marry that woman.

The daughter part of the story is what concerns me most... she can always get rid of the husband but the daughter is stuck with that in her memory of her dad for ever. Poor girl!!! (In these circumstances, I would most assume the site was legal - the search engines do try best to block that kind of content to the general audience)

I wonder how many times he did it before getting caught too o_O!!!!

[alli]

I wonder how many times he did it before getting caught too o_O!!!!

 

A lot I'm sure. I knew he was doing it 10 years ago. It didn't really bother me even though I was young, but then again he's not my dad. His older daughter is my age & she also knew about it back then. She was also 14 at the time & didn't seem disturbed by it. We knew he was looking at it but didn't actually check out the websites he was using ourselves. Maybe that's why it bothers his now-17 year old daughter more.. because she actually saw the website when she wasn't expecting it.

 

I suspect that viewing pornography was not something they discussed before they got married. As long as she never knew, it wasn't a problem. Only, now she knows...