BusyNAbroad Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 If yes, how? Do you have any personal experiences? Let's say a woman has an affair with me which is mostly of passionate nature (lovemaking). How to slowly include other features of a relationship to the point that she will leave her current relationship and... choose me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Advice Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 buzzy are you involved in an affair and why do you think anybody should sympathize enough to hope it will turn into anything lasting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 It can definitely happen. Although I'm not sure how people do it...there are many people that do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbygail Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 These things usually don't work out. If she wanted to be with you, she would. Most people say not to even bother until she's left the other relationship, and I'd agree with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Yes, it can happen but why would you want a woman who has affairs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 If yes, how? Do you have any personal experiences? Let's say a woman has an affair with me which is mostly of passionate nature (lovemaking). How to slowly include other features of a relationship to the point that she will leave her current relationship and... choose me? i think you should just offer more money and a better lifestyle than her current partner is offering her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 It can, but realize that once it turns serious one or both partners are bound to get a lot of insecurities wondering when THEY will become the cheated on partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Advice Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Honestly when a partner snaps and beats the crap out of the people cheating, I have no sympathy for those involved except for the one cheated on. I hate cheating and cheaters in marriage with a passion. What I do like is seeing how many people end up cheating on the people they had the affair with when it does happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Yes, I know of one case (a coworker at a previous employer) where it turned into a "real" relationship and eventually a marriage. Difference was that it was not a sexual affair to begin with - it was a woman who had basically resigned herself to staying in a miserable marriage for financial reasons only. Did nothing together, no sex, no emotional ties, might as well have been roommates etc etc etc. So her marriage was over when she started the affair in all but papers being served. Not taking any side here - just responding to the OP. I don't think you can "turn" someone to a relationship mindset. IF your relationship is all sex, I'm betting that's all she wants. Otherwise she would have asked for more by now (just like any other relationship) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shemo Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 if your relationship is based solely on sex, it's gonna be hard to make it more. From my observations, people cheat because they are missing something from their current relationship. Those who cheat physically may not be satisfied with the sex with their partner. Or those that cheat emotionally may not be getting emotional support. The person that is having the affair with you probably just wants you for sex. You should be able to tell from how she acts after the sex. Does she cuddle with you? Does she just leave after? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlestar Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 I've heard of affairs lasting into long term serious relationships, hasnt happened to me though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuiks8 Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 i hear they last till they leave you for the next person they cheat with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 Honestly when a partner snaps and beats the crap out of the people cheating, I have no sympathy for those involved except for the one cheated on. I hate cheating and cheaters in marriage with a passion. What I do like is seeing how many people end up cheating on the people they had the affair with when it does happen. Yea, its why even if by some chance in my life i fell in love with someone who already had a partner i wuold not act on it. one, the insecurity once i actually had that person would eat me alive, two, the guilt over actively hurting the person who was cheated on would kill me, and three, i would not wnat the crap beaten out of me by that person either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trip McNealy Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 From personal experience, it's bound to end badly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 I have never met a couple who sprung out of cheating last more than a year or two at best. Most cheating couples don't even get as far as marriage- Once the "excitement" wears off or the reality sets in, they are gone in a flash. The ones that do make it to marriage rarely last more than a year or two, if that. The main reason- There's too many trust issues that never go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Advice Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 Yea, its why even if by some chance in my life i fell in love with someone who already had a partner i wuold not act on it. one, the insecurity once i actually had that person would eat me alive, two, the guilt over actively hurting the person who was cheated on would kill me, and three, i would not wnat the crap beaten out of me by that person either. What's ironic is that I am very confident I have never been cheated on, but I feel extremely passionately about this topic. It is an incredibly horrible thing to do to someone. A guy recently died of a heart attack who was married to my ex gf who I am still close friends with. He cheated on her a lot. I still can't find much pity about his lonely death. I find cruel amusement in the fact that both he and the spouse who I left my ex for cheated on each other and ended up hating each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prue Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I know a 'couple' (and I can't help but use the term loosely) who started out as an affair... both of them married, both leaving their spouse for each other, children involved in the situation... you name it. One left their spouse in readiness several months ago, the other is in the process of leaving right now. They are seriously into each other, have stuck out all the sneaking around and having to lie about things for the most part of a year, and feel 100% sure in their minds that they're both doing the right thing. Still... they are surrounded by people who just can't take them seriously (but don't tend to say so to them). I don't know if close friends who watched it pan out will ever accept them as a couple, even if we try to. We all feel like a trainwreck is about to happen right in front of us, and we just don't know when. But we're all people who were lied to in little ways too, and were forced to act dumb when we knew what was going on. Plus, one half of the new couple appears to have a history of this sort of thing, while the one who has already left their partner doesn't even seem to know that. I guess it will be a year or so before I could say whether such an unlikely situation is going to work out or not. But I can say that these situations alienate more people than you'd think. People don't just end up lying to their partner, but to virtually everyone around them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busto Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 God, I hope not. I hope my ex girlfriend and the guy she cheated on me with are miserable right now. I hope they feel the same insecurity and mistrust in each other as I feel about other girls, thanks to their sordid affair. Cheaters put other people through hell, and I have nil sympathy for cockroaches like that. They deserve to be lonely and unloved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busto Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 My relationship is from an affair. Its working out great for the last 2 years. But then again, you're still a cheater (the old "once a cheater" adage seems to hold true more often than not). So I guess your definition of a "great relationship" differs from mine. I'm basing my post on what you wrote in a thread called What if you got away with it: If I got away with it... I would do it again and so should you... Im available Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyM Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I know a couple who started off as an affair and have been married HAPPILY for twenty years and are still one of the happiest couples I know. I don't know that this will be the case for you or anyone else, but it can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyNAbroad Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Finally some positive stories No, I'm not really involved in an affair, but something very similar. Perhaps I can put it this way: a woman has an affair with me, but never tells me that it is an affair (actually giving me the idea that I'm in a relationship with her). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 I know a couple who started off as an affair and have been married HAPPILY for twenty years and are still one of the happiest couples I know. I don't know that this will be the case for you or anyone else, but it can happen. It is possible, but EXTREMELY rare. Most affairs turn into disasters for everyone involved- That's why it's best not to start them in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedbusa Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 I had an affair many years ago, after I found out my wife was pregnant with another man's child, and we ended up having a three year long relationship. It ended eventually with her excuse as being, "If it starts bad, it ends bad." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedbusa Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Your wife cheated on you first? What a messed up marriage... Yes, and worst of all she first told me it was my baby. Told my family and coworkers all about it. Started buying stuff for the baby, etc. A week later, she tells me it isn't mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busto Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes, and worst of all she first told me it was my baby. Told my family and coworkers all about it. Started buying stuff for the baby, etc. A week later, she tells me it isn't mine. Jesus... That's one of the most jacked up stories I've heard on here. Sorry you had to go through that, man. But you seem to have gotten over it, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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