Second Date - advice about politeness appreciated!

[Cirquel]

Hey everyone!

 

Alright... so I'm going on a second date (new to "dating"!)... and it'll be in the evening. Chances are we're going to grab something to eat. If we go to a restaurant (cause we haven't decided on what to do yet) what should I do about paying? I'm thinking of maybe suggesting a movie afterwards, or something to that effect... maybe I can offer to pay for the movie / dessert / something.

 

Should I make an agreement with him to split the bill if we go to a restaurant? Should I not say anything but ask for separate bills when the waitress/waitor comes around? I don't want to make the guy keep paying for everything... feel kinda bad... and I wanna know what the most polite way of figuring these things out is.

 

Thank you. Everyone here is muchos helpful.

[kaoticbaby]

Hey everyone!

 

Alright... so I'm going on a second date (new to "dating"!)... and it'll be in the evening. Chances are we're going to grab something to eat. If we go to a restaurant (cause we haven't decided on what to do yet) what should I do about paying? I'm thinking of maybe suggesting a movie afterwards, or something to that effect... maybe I can offer to pay for the movie / dessert / something.

 

Should I make an agreement with him to split the bill if we go to a restaurant? Should I not say anything but ask for separate bills when the waitress/waitor comes around? I don't want to make the guy keep paying for everything... feel kinda bad... and I wanna know what the most polite way of figuring these things out is.

 

Thank you. Everyone here is muchos helpful.

did he ask for the date? if he did, he will most likely offer to pay. if not, put in your half. if he does pay, then you can offer to pay for the movie if you'd like. it would show him that you like him and aren't just using him for a dinner/movie.

[Daligal83]

Yea if there are two activities, I usually offer to help pay for the first and if he pays, I'll pay for the second. I always offer to help pay though. I don't like to assume that someone will pay for me.

[KG]

Go with the flow...if he insists on paying, let him. Make it up to him on the 3rd date.

If you are comfortable enough, let him pay for one, you the other.

[Ammy]

I always find the paying thing awkward. Just offer to pay half when the bill comes. He will most probably refuse it - they usually do. And if he insists on paying, then say you'll pay for the movies / desert or whatever the next thing is.

 

Ammy

[Cirquel]

I always find the paying thing awkward. Just offer to pay half when the bill comes. He will most probably refuse it - they usually do. And if he insists on paying, then say you'll pay for the movies / desert or whatever the next thing is.

 

Ammy

 

Yeah, that's probably the best idea. I KNOW. It's so awkward! *Grin*

[Ammy]

Yeah, that's probably the best idea. I KNOW. It's so awkward! *Grin*

 

I know it's the part of the date I dread the most. I actually get really nervous about it!!

 

Anyway as long as you offer, it shows you're not just expecting to be paid for, and you're not a princess!

 

Hope you have a good date!!

 

Ammy

[Batya33]

When the check comes, let him take it and look at it first and say "what's my share" -saying "let's split that" sounds too formal and a bit cold. If he declines, say "well, can I at least leave the tip?" or "thank you so much - I'll get dessert [after dinner drinks"] or "thank you so much". Do not fight with him over the bill- just make it clear in a nice, gracious way that you are happy to pay your share but don't treat it like a business transaction and use your judgment as far as his reaction.

 

 

I would not mention "next time" unless he has already planned the next date - then you can mention that you'll get next time (but not too emphatically -enough so he "gets it" but not with so much emphasis that he gets the idea that you feel awful that he treated - you shouldn't -he asked, it's only a second date).

 

I would never discuss this in advance unless you choose a very expensive restaurant -- if he asks you to choose, give him two or three choices - one that is inexpensive, and two that are moderate so that he can gracefully choose what he can afford.

 

If you can wait to see what he is ordering - the type of entree, whether he is ordering an appetizer, etc - that's best so you can do your best to match in terms of amount and price of food, in case he insists on paying.

[WizardofOz]

Your male friend will likely pay for the dinner bill although it shouldn't be automatically assumed. If you do something after, you should offer to pay for it. If he pushes to pay for that as well, make a compromise and split it.