How do you react (or respond) when someone stops loving you?

[waveseer]

For me there has always been a specific moment in time when I became aware through the other person's actions (or inactions) that they had decided to stop loving me. Each time this happens I feel like a little (or sometimes big) piece of me just died and I suddenly have nothing to say. After I get over the initial shock I can usually think straight enough to choose a course of action, albeit not always the one most loving to myself.

 

How do you react (or respond) when someone stops loving you?

[Aldo25]

I wish I could have pinpointed the exact moment my ex stopped loving me before she broke up with me, but I was too naive to see the forrest for the trees. Looking back I still can't tell the exact moment she stopped loving me, but I can pinpoint the exact moment she decided to break up with me.

 

But as that's not really your question, I'll do my best to answer it (based on how I think I'd react). If I knew when a girl stopped loving me, I believe I would try everything in my power to find out why and see if we could fix it, if counseling would be an option. Or just decide to end it before it got worse.

[Batya33]

The last time that happened (although he had never said the L word but he was clearly into me for a few months) I reacted by emotionally distancing myself, and having a talk with him about his future intentions. He asked for more time and I agreed (internally my time limit was 2 months). I did not ask him why or ask him to work on anything or try to change his mind. He broke up with me a few weeks later.

[waveseer]

Aldo, I actually have no idea when they decided to stop loving me. I only know the moment I became aware of their decision.

 

That's interesting that you would consider trying everything in your power to find out why and try to fix it together. I don't think that's ever occurred to me. Working on my marriage did because we had children but otherwise I don't see why I shouldn't just accept it. That sounded cold, I know. That's why I wanted to talk about it.

 

The other option to end it is usually what happens. What made the difference between your two opposing options?

[waveseer]

The last time that happened (although he had never said the L word but he was clearly into me for a few months) I reacted by emotionally distancing myself, and having a talk with him about his future intentions. He asked for more time and I agreed (internally my time limit was 2 months). I did not ask him why or ask him to work on anything or try to change his mind. He broke up with me a few weeks later.

 

This sounds like something I might do if I wasn't too invested yet. The more it hurts when I figure out they don't want to love me the less likely I am to even try at all. I guess I've answered one of my own questions. Thank you.

[i_win]

I can pinpoint this very clearly in both of my relationships. It was the moment when I was required to give up and sacrifice too much of myself emotionally or via actions for that other person. And the last woman fell out of love with me because she got tired of waiting for me to be that boyfriend that she hd envisioned me to be and just couldn't take that strain any longer.

 

And I do what to point out that they or I fell out of love which is different than ceasing to love someone in my mind. I will always love the women in which I shared that special conection with -a connection that I have shared with very few. And I am confident that ourlove resonates in their heart as well despite taing our separate path. True love never dies completely in my view.

[waveseer]

I can pinpoint this very clearly in both of my relationships. It was the moment when I was required to give up and sacrifice too much of myself emotionally or via actions for that other person. And the last woman fell out of love with me because she got tired of waiting for me to be that boyfriend that she hd envisioned me to be and just couldn't take that strain any longer.

 

And I do what to point out that they or I fell out of love which is different than ceasing to love someone in my mind. I will always love the women in which I shared that special conection with -a connection that I have shared with very few. And I am confident that ourlove resonates in their heart as well despite taing our separate path. True love never dies completely in my view.

 

I agree, if it really is true love then the decision I mean is to stop acting out of love or stop showing love, nothing can stop the love itself.

[franfran]

As of right now, I am lost and without answers as to why the person, who at one point loved me more than anything, doesn't love me anymore. He's told me and shown me that he no longer does, yet I feel in my heart that we are still connected. That's just my desperate longing for him speaking. Maybe he felt I was an obligation as his life became busier and busier, but to this day I will never understand. Do any of us ever understand? As of today, my reaction is extreme gut-wrenching pain, feelings of abandonment, betrayal and hopelessness. I'm striving to be content and get on with my life, but who knows how it will be tomorrow.

[sandrawg]

I don't know how to react when someone stops loving you. There's really nothing you can do but move on. I no longer love my ex. He's treated me too horribly and lied to me too much. He is no longer the person I loved, because it's clear that he's not the illusion that I built in my mind. How can you love someone who walks on you and tramples your trust? You can't. He has no choice but to move on.

[waveseer]

As of right now, I am lost and without answers as to why the person, who at one point loved me more than anything, doesn't love me anymore. He's told me and shown me that he no longer does, yet I feel in my heart that we are still connected. That's just my desperate longing for him speaking. Maybe he felt I was an obligation as his life became busier and busier, but to this day I will never understand. Do any of us ever understand? As of today, my reaction is extreme gut-wrenching pain, feelings of abandonment, betrayal and hopelessness. I'm striving to be content and get on with my life, but who knows how it will be tomorrow.

 

I can so relate to this, it's exactly what happenned to me. It didn't happen right away though because I guess I couldn't really believe it. I knew he loved me, but I also knew he wanted to stop. Nothing I've ever been through was worse than that.

 

Years later he admitted that he really did love me (past tense), isn't that a kicker? I said, well at least I wasn't crazy for thinking you did. ugh.

 

Currently he says he loves me as a friend. I still don't believe him, I mean my heart doesn't believe that at all. What I do believe is that he has chosen not to be with me. I don't need a reason, I just need to move on.

[waveseer]

I don't know how to react when someone stops loving you. There's really nothing you can do but move on. I no longer love my ex. He's treated me too horribly and lied to me too much. He is no longer the person I loved, because it's clear that he's not the illusion that I built in my mind. How can you love someone who walks on you and tramples your trust? You can't. He has no choice but to move on.

 

I agree with you completely.

[waveseer]

I wonder if it took my ex meeting "her" for him to realize he no longer loved me OR whether he already knew but was just hanging on until someone else came along. I'll never know. I would like to believe that his feelings were genuine, but then she came along and he realized he felt more powerful feelings for someone else, thereforee I was not The One for him.

 

I don't know for sure because I'm a stranger on the internet, but if I had to guess I'd say he had already decided to divest his feelings from you relationship before he decided to invest them in a new relationship even if those decisions were somewhat close together.

[waveseer]

..

So then that makes him very selfish and somewhat cruel that he would string me along knowing he no longer loved me. I guess I am better off, then. Doesn't feel that way, but I guess I am .

 

To answer your question, don't really know the exact moment when I knew. He pulled the vanishing act at first , but he was having a ton of personal problems and I chalked it up to that. I had no idea at that point he had met someone. Rather naive of me.

 

Yes, it does. Yes, you are. No, it doesn't. (I'm agreeing.)

 

It's okay, I'd say the majority of us on ena have been burned in a similar fashion. I can only hope I don't stick my hand in the fire to see how hot it is again.

[waveseer]

..

Yeah, I'll be more careful next time. It's funny though, 8 months and I'm still single and he is probably either married to her or living with her by now. Life is very unbalanced sometimes. Love comes so easily to some, and so seldom for others.

 

Like you said, i guess one could recognize the "moment" their partner no longer loves them, and in that moment, be able to walk away. That is key, I think.

 

I've come to understand that most of the dealbreakers were there from the start but I didn't know myself well enough to know they'd end up being dealbreakers. So being able to walk away at the moment loving treatment stops is what I have to do because I didn't take good enough care of myself in the beginning. I wanted to see how other people acted/reacted when they became aware their relationship was one-sided feelings-wise.

[Lissy]

In my situation, I didn't know until I found out he had been unfaithful. Nothing about his behavior towards me changed. He started spending more time in front of the computer (he met his affair online). But he had a work excuse for that. He still told me he loved me every day and his actions said he did. We were having problems and were both unhappy, but to me, that didn't equate to no longer loving each other. I guess to him, it did. He tells me now that he fell out of love with me months before his affair. But sometimes I think that's just what he tells himself so that he doesn't have to consider the fact that he may be rebounding with this woman. It's hard to say what I would have done if I had known sooner. I probably would have tried to fix it because that's just the kind of person I am.

[waveseer]

continue to love them unconditionally....

 

Yes, that's what I did both times. And both times it didn't work out. And even though we are no longer together I still love them both. I have to admit though my attraction really died for one of the two.

[waveseer]

I understand, and even though I knew the other person had already had a change of heart I pursued every possible avenue of resolution until all were exhausted. It took years but it is nice to know the outcome could not have been any different.

[wtm78]

Yes, that's what I did both times. And both times it didn't work out. And even though we are no longer together I still love them both. I have to admit though my attraction really died for one of the two.

 

i guess loving them unconditionally is the right thing to do.. and loving unconditionally means loving with no return.. even if it means that it doesnt work out.. sometimes in life.. love may not be returned.. but doing what is right help us to grow as a person... make us a bigger person... despite the outcome.. that is my personal belief...

[waveseer]

i guess loving them unconditionally is the right thing to do.. and loving unconditionally means loving with no return.. even if it means that it doesnt work out.. sometimes in life.. love may not be returned.. but doing what is right help us to grow as a person... make us a bigger person... despite the outcome.. that is my personal belief...

 

I agree with you. I am a much better person because I can love unconditionally. I wouldn't want it any other way despite the heartache it can cause.

[the journey]

i too believe in unconditional love but it aint easy. at times it feels like you're standing out in the driving rain, in the dark, with it the rain lashing your face, all the while wondering how long to storm will last.

a wonderful post that wtm.

 

i guess loving them unconditionally is the right thing to do.. and loving unconditionally means loving with no return.. even if it means that it doesnt work out.. sometimes in life.. love may not be returned.. but doing what is right help us to grow as a person... make us a bigger person... despite the outcome.. that is my personal belief...

[waveseer]

yes.. i can sense it reading your threads.. you are much stronger than anyone i know..

 

Thank you, but I do want people to be aware that I didn't wake up one day and say, "Gee, I'd like to be a better person, I think I'll learn how to give unconditional love." Not even close. The truth is that if I don't practice love I will practice hate and it will kill me. Some people can get away with it but I can't, so it's not out of any virtue it's more for survival. In addition to surviving choosing this path makes me happy.

[maka56]

I could tell the signs, text messages changed instead of "love you" just an "x" and it gradually went down hill from there, no more holding hands was when I figured something was wrong, OP yes its a horrible thing and I dont wanna go through it again, when you love someone and they dont return it just sucks.

[waveseer]

I could tell the signs, text messages changed instead of "love you" just an "x" and it gradually went down hill from there, no more holding hands was when I figured something was wrong, OP yes its a horrible thing and I dont wanna go through it again, when you love someone and they dont return it just sucks.

 

Oh yes, it definitely sucks. The thing I found most irritating about it was that even knowing he didn't want to see me that way anymore didn't change my feelings for him at all. Talk about being left holding the bag. Ugh.

[drewciouS281]

OUCH! ive never heard this luckily and i sure hope i dont. My heard goes out to all of you that have!

 

personally if i did hear it of course i would be devastated. I would ask if there was anything that can be done to bring it back. If her response was no, i would accept that the relationship is done.

[jennamajig]

Now, thinking clearly, I realize I was always the one saying "I love you" first the last couple of months. I'm not sure when it happened, because my break-up happened suddenly and he's now not even a shadow of the person I once knew. It happened so fast that it was hard to even know when to mourn it. He pushed me away so quickly and easily that I now wonder if there was another woman. But poo to the whole thing.

 

I reacted the best I could, trying to look forward. Only now do I see it's not worth pondering. A piece of me may always love the man he once was, but focusing on what was doesn't help. I focus on what can be in the future with someone else. My ex did love me - I didn't feel unloved while we together, so I know I am lovable. In the end, I will never have my answers. I'll just have my lessons learned to take with me the next time my heart is ready.