I need reasons why I shouldn't contact her. Or should I?

[kevin456]

Background: Dated for almost a year, ex broke up with me in September. Her reasons were that we were in different places in our lives (I'm at college, she is younger), and that she didn't want the relationship to end for a silly reason down the road, because it had become sort of rocky. We didn't argue, but it had kind of gone downhill in the month leading up to the break up. Its kind of complicated, but I have attributed the reason for this rockiness as my own fault. After the break up I tried to stay friends, but that didn't work. After a week of no contact, I laid all my cards on the table and asked for her back, saying that I could be the boyfriend she deserved, etc. She denied me and said she wasn't sure what she wanted and that it was not the right time. I told her I needed no contact to heal. That was 26 days ago.

 

I have been thinking more and more about contacting her. Here is my reasoning:

1. Being the one that told her I needed no contact, I also should be the one to re-open the lines of communication. I know her well and she is the type that would honor my request indefinitely and not contact me unless I do first.

2. Thanksgiving is coming up, and that would be a good time to contact her. I know she would appreciate my good wishes.

3. I will be home for winter break from mid-December to early January. Perhaps if the lines of communication are open and we have had friendly dialogue, I could ask her to meet during this time.

4. No contact has served its purpose well. I am healing and am reaching the point where LC is the way to go. She could deny me again and it would not set back my healing.

 

Other options:

1. I could wait until her birthday, which is in mid-December, and contact her then. I will have been NC for 2 months at this point.

2. I could not contact her at all, and continue NC. I know that I don't owe her anything at this point, but not contacting her on her birthday would be rude and would only make my chances of reconciliation even lower.

 

I'm not sure that contacting her is the best idea. Can someone give me some reasons why I shouldn't? or perhaps reasons why I should? I'm quite confused.

[penelope13]

I understand that with all the upcoming holidays and 'special dates' it's very tempting to break the NC, and I am not saying that it will be easy to get through these days, but I think the NC should be broken by the person who wasn't sure if they wanted the relationship or not. Once she has made up her mind about that, she should contact you and let you know, so that you can reevaluate where you stand and where you want to go from there.

 

If you break the NC now it seems that you are not consistent with the reasons that you gave for it and she will not really trust what you say afterwards if it should come to a similar situation.

 

Just keep continue with taking care of yourself and healing. And get in touch with friends who will help you through the holidays, her birthday etc

[Maelstrom X]

Contacting her is a bad idea...move on and find some college girls. If she was into you she wouldn't have dumped you...the whole laying your cards on the table...wanting to be friends afterwards...alittle unhealthy obsession.

[justletgo07]

Take a look at all of your reasons for breaking NC. Just my opionion, but all of your reasons are focused on her, or how she might react, etc. The point of NC is for you to heal...and it sounds like maybe you haven't yet.

 

Think about the answer to this question: How would you feel if she was dating someone else? right now If your answer is anything other than "fine" or "great" or "peachy", then stay NC and continue to heal.

 

Also, why do you want to contact her? What do you hope to achieve?