koreangelxp Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 okay so here goes.... i have been really really depressed lately for at least like 2 months... and its been starting to effect the people around me. i havent been myself lately... cuz ive been looking around for a job, and everything is just falling apart before my eyes. i dont even seem to care about anything going on around me or anyone for that matter. so..my bf and i got into a fight last weekend, and we havent talked since last saturday nite... when we got into the fight. the fight was over that fact that i dont show him how grateful i am to him for all the things he does for me. and to be honest i havent been showing him lately... cuz ive been depressed... but he hasnt talked to me or even called me since saturday... i understand hes upset... and all and needs time to cool off.. but 5 days??? isnt that more the plenty of time to cool off? im starting to think and feel that hes doing this on purpose and just ignoring me to upset me even more. or hes planning to break up with me over something really stupid... when a year back i was i the same boat has him when i was feeling the same way he was? but i told him how i felt and he made improvements and i still wasnt mad at him for that long. i still gave him a chance to prove that he could change, but he cant do the same for me? double standard bs sucks. how could you be mad at a person for that long... knowing that that person is depressed? and didnt even know their actions were causing another person to be mad? any advice? thanks Link to comment
Nurseman Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Around here I think they call it "NC". A stupid concept if there ever was one, but I digress. I think the ball is in your court. I think he's waiting for you to come groveling to him. Is that immature? Oh yes! But it leaves you with a choice. Call him and still have a B/F, or ignore him and go search for somebody else. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 not that i want to take sides, but if you're depressed and 'not caring about anything or anyone around you', I think the fact that you don't call him just proves to him that you're doing the same thing again - not caring, and not initiating anything. You're waiting for him to do all the work again (correct me if I'm wrong). anyways that's how it looks to me, if you want to talk to him, call. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I agree...if you have been neglecting the relationship, then you should be calling him to try to work this out. Unless you have tried calling and he hasn't responded to you....Has this been the case? Link to comment
DiscoverE Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Yep, I also agree with the last couple of posts...If you've been depressed lately and not caring about things around you then to him it just seems like that's what you're still doing. The way you feel is probably the exact same way that you feel. yes 5 days is a long time but try to understand from his point of view...I know you're depressed and so he should understand that, but maybe he feels that he's been trying while you've been caught up in depression...maybe now it's your turn to try, call him if you want to be with him Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 If you're depressed you need help. You're destroying your relationship and bringing him down. You may think he's being selfish by not talking to you, but you're also being selfish by not seeking help to be happy and healthy and be an active partner in your relationship. Depression is TOUGH. My boyfriend went through it and it ate away at our relationship. I finally had to give an ultamatum of get yourself some help, or I need to walk away. Because its not fair to ME to have to be part of this if you don't care about yourself, I can't care about you. And I shouldn't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't value me and what we have. Your boyfriend is probably trying to make you open your eyes and realize what you're doing to him and the relationship. He probably needs time away because it is exhausting to be involved with someone who's constantly down and draining. I think its time for you to step up, make decision of what you're going to to do to fix this, give him a call and get back into this relationship with a proper state of mind. I don't think he should be running back to you saying sorry. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I don't think he's done anything wrong. You are the one neglecting the relationship. He expressed that he felt you were doing this and now you are still angry at him. Go to the doctor if you are that depressed. Then call up your bf, tell him you're getting help for it, and apologize. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 thank you everyone for the advice. thats the thing i have told him im sorry and gave cards, a little present....and cleaned up his apt when i went over there to drop off the cards and stuff. i even wrote him a email stating i was sorry and explained everything about how i was feeling and everything! i did call him and text him to try to talk to him and try to work things out. but he doesnt answer my calls or texts or emails... he only text me once telling me when hes ready to talk to me he would call.... so what else could i do? if i did call him and try to talk to him... hes just going to keep being mad at me cuz im not listening to what he wants... Link to comment
diamond78 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 thank you everyone for the advice. thats the thing i have told him im sorry and gave cards, a little present....and cleaned up his apt when i went over there to drop off the cards and stuff. i even wrote him a email stating i was sorry and explained everything about how i was feeling and everything! i did call him and text him to try to talk to him and try to work things out. but he doesnt answer my calls or texts or emails... he only text me once telling me when hes ready to talk to me he would call.... so what else could i do? if i did call him and try to talk to him... hes just going to keep being mad at me cuz im not listening to what he wants... Well, this is a horse of a different color! It seems as though you have done quite a bit to try to get over this hump. You have done all you can at the present moment. I would continue to wait it out for a couple days until he is ready to talk again. In the meantime, while you wait for him to come around...maybe you can start working on your issue of depression since this appears to be the root of the problem? Hopefully your guy will look at both sides of the issue with an openmind, especially since he has had to deal with depression himself. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 i have done as much as i could... if he would just talk to me... then i could even make it better... but he give me the chance... i gave him the chance to make it up to me.... and i wasnt even mad at him for it i was just upset for the way he treated me... i donno anymore... im just so hurt that he would let it go this long without even giving me a chance to prove that i can change.... Link to comment
Acrial Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend. She has been extremely depressed lately and tells me it's not my fault etc... but still doesn't show me any of the love she used to so I get frustrated and angry to the point where she tells me to just leave her if I can't wait for her to "get better." The problem is she makes no effort to seek help for her depression. Maybe you should let your boyfriend know you're trying to get better, that may help. Depression is a hard thing to explain. I get mad at her for being depressed even though I have experienced it in the past. If I hadn't, and I didn't have that first had experience at how dibilitating actual depression is I probably would have left her already. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend. She has been extremely depressed lately and tells me it's not my fault etc... but still doesn't show me any of the love she used to so I get frustrated and angry to the point where she tells me to just leave her if I can't wait for her to "get better." The problem is she makes no effort to seek help for her depression. Maybe you should let your boyfriend know you're trying to get better, that may help. Depression is a hard thing to explain. I get mad at her for being depressed even though I have experienced it in the past. If I hadn't, and I didn't have that first had experience at how dibilitating actual depression is I probably would have left her already. yeah ive been there too just telling him to break up with me, since im not making him happy... but he says he wants to but its not the right thing to do? i donno anymore.... i have been getting better... im not as depressed as i was before... i found a job and now im just waiting to start so i can be busy... and plus a lot of the jobs ive applied for has been sending me emails and letters now... so its pretty good so far. ive been hanging out with friends and trying to make myself feel better... ive started to go to the gym and working out... and im getting really excited for my friends wedding that im in... and im getting to do her and my other friends make up for the wedding... so its getting better and better. and i realized that i was depressing... and it was affecting everyone around me... so now im trying to stop doing that... and everything and thinking positive... but he wont talk to me... and ive tried emaill him and texting him but he wont even respond to me... its like he doesnt even care about anything or anyone but himself... its like he doesnt even care that im suffering too... its like this if he doesnt want to be with me anymore just say so... so i can move on with my life either with him or without... i understand hes mad... and he has a right to be... but hes been thru the same ... and i still forgave him and gave him the chance to change and get better... but he cant do the same for me? ive said sorry as many times as i can... what more can i do? what more do i need to say to prove that im sorry? does he need signature in my own blood stating im freakin sorry?? *SIGH* this saturday will be a full week since we have talked .... how could someone that says that they love you... could go for that long and not talk to you.... it just seems like they dont even love you or care about you at all... Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 The thing with depression, its tough and draining. You may think he was being selfish, but you remaining in a relationship in a depressive state for several months was also selfish. It takes a toll on the person...and you may say to him "Why don't you just break up.." beacause its not that easy. If you're truly depressed, probably the last thing you need is for your boyfriend to break up with you ontop of everything else. This is probably the reality check you needed to get your feet back on the ground. Everyone deals differently. It may have hit him harder than it did with you. For now, I would contact him one more time, explain what you are doing, what you plan on doing, the changes he should expect and leave it in his hands to approach you when he feels like he can be part of this relationship again, or atleast let you know what is going on. He clearly wants space, so give it to him and let him come to YOU when he's ready. Link to comment
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