I'm new to this and confused

[Adriana86]

So here's the back story: I am female a college student and met this girl whom I really liked as a friend, through a mutual acquaintance. We hit it off right away. She is from Germany, I from the US. We went clubbing together, bar hopping, tanning, whatever any friends do in college. She asked to be my roommate this year and I agreed. Since we have been roommates I have noticed a slight change in her behavior. I have never been with a girl, thought about it but never have been. Anyways, since the move in she has become more touchy feely, like asking for back rubs, and touching my arms sometimes when i speak to her. Also I can't help but notice her glancing over at me all the time when we are studying and giving me a shy smile. So this has been going on for a while. She told me at the beginning of the year that she wanted to be with a girl at least once in her life, which threw me a bit off. And then the other night we were watching a movie with one of our friends and getting stupid off of wine. I am already a big flirt when sober, but when I am drunk well you get it. Anyways, my one friend brought up kissing and said so has a guy ever told you that you were good at it? I said yes and so did she and then somehow we all ended up trying it with one another. I took a few more shots and my other friend left. My roommate and I were left alone, and she came over to me and said we didnt have to stop. so we started again and became extremely heated on the couch with her on top of me. Then my other roommate walked in on us, but it was apparent she was wasted as well and she tripped over something causing us to realize her presense in the room. We immediately separated and I went to my room and she to hers. I called one of my guy friends and talked for a bit and then received a text from her saying she was sorry, and that she liked it a lot. I said I enjoyed it too and was sorry we had to stop. She agreed and then wrote: "U can come over if you like " and i said do you want me to? she said yes. So I did. And at this point I was completely gone, but really turned on from what I can remember. When i entered her room she came over to me and continued kissing me, leading me to the bed. All I remember after that was waking up at 5:30 am next to her and some articles of clothes on the ground. I picked them up and ran out to my room and shut the door. That night i left for NYC and she kept texting me, telling me that she was sorry and ashamed and I was really good and all this stuff and I was like cool I am a good kisser. great. Then when I got back 2 days later she came into my room and said we need to talk about what happened. I said ok. And she continued to tell me what I already knew and I said "what's the big deal, we made out on your bed?" to which she replied, oh my god, you dont remember, that makes me feel so guilty. I was like what. And she said no I can't. And then I made her tell me what we did and apparently we had slept together and she thought that it was better than with a guy. So I was like ok but I am not, at least I don't think I am like that. She agreed and then said that she cannot stand to look at me any more because of what happened or talk to me. So now this morning i woke up and saw her in the kitchen and she looked over at me giving me her same impish grin and blushed. When she did this I felt the strangest thing in the pit of my stomach. Something I have never had with anyone before. I told my other friend what had happened and she says that she is probably upset that you didnt remember because she likes you. And the scary thing is I think I may like her too. What do I do?

[KG]

I would say to sit down and have a long talk about what you are both feeling. Without alcohol!

Some women experiment, or are bi-curious...I don't think you did anything wrong. But get the cards on the table first, so you'll know if either of you have any boundaries.

[Adriana86]

I know we tried and now I am confused as to how I approach her. I mean we just did something major. I don't want our friendship to be ruined and I am hoping that I did not just turn her off if she did have any feelings there.

[KG]

Well, you have to start somewhere.

[Nurseman]

It wasn't THAT major. I listen to Diana Cage (well known Lesbian radio commentator) a lot and one thing she often says is that with Lesbians, "it's all about the drama".

You had a little one night fling. Ok. I wouldn't ignore it, but I wouldn't make a really big deal out of it either. If you like each other then by all means go for it. There is NOT a whole lot of happiness in this world and you need to grab what you can.

 

I usually try not to advise "talking" (mostly because that's what EVERYBODY says and I always try to think out of the box.) But yeah, you two need to sit down and explore your feelings. It's ok to tell her if you like her. The Earth won't stop spinning. And if she like you too.....I fail to see any problem here.

 

I wish you happiness, whatever happens.

[blue69]

Guilt and shame suck!!

 

Have a good heart to heart conversation. You obviously are bi-curious at the minimum. Nothing wrong with bi-sexual as you seem to be attracted to guys as well.

 

It could be a experiemental thing.. it could be more.

 

Talk to her and don't allow those "silly" things to get in the way of a good friendship.

 

Good luck and enjoy life. It is to short to allow guilt, shame and insecurity run us.

[Adriana86]

So tonight I sat down with her again and she said that it was a mistake and that she wishes that I were a boy because it felt so right with me. WTH. I have no idea what to make of that. She doesn't come from a super religious background, I like her a lot. A lot more than I have liked any other guy and I don't want to pressure her but i do want to see what it would be like to be with her. I dunno. This is probably a lost cause, I mean all the flirting, the comments. I dunno.

[KG]

Adrianna,

It sounds as if you are both in the same boat...feelings surfacing, unsure about the situation....

Keep talking, it may take time for you two to come to an honest discussion. I'm sure there is a lot of confusion in both of your minds.

[Adriana86]

So she came up to me today and asked if she could take me to dinner on saturday as a late birthday dinner. I got excited and asked who else is going and she just said you and I so far. I asked if I could invite some of our friends. And she said she would rather it just be the two of us. These are the kinds of things that she hs been pulling since we have moved in together. Lets go see a movie, to a museum, an art gallery, oh but i just want it to be you and I she always says. What am I supposed to think and now she is telling me all of these other things. I mean it is confusing for me to. I have never been with a girl either. Like last night she picked back up on the flirting after our discussion. I was studying for a class on one end of the couch and she was sitting on the other end with her feet towards me. And she kept saying things like you looked so cute today. And I love your hair like that. And then she would get into these pretend fights with me, and nudge me or kick me and stick her tongue out. I mean correct me if I am wrong, but I do those kinds of things when I am flirting with someone. So I think she is flirting with me. Although I could be wrong and she is just showing me friendly love. I don't want to just say "I LIKE YOU" but the feelings are getting stronger every day. I wish she just wasn't so guarded about the situation. I feel like I don't know how to talk to her about it because it is too awkward and I don't know how she feels. I am horrible at reading people and I don't want to get hurt or especially I don't want to hurt her.

[chocolatemilk]

Just be straightforward about it, nothing is worse than playing games. Trust me that being rejected is much better than being strung along for weeks on drama.

[Flux]

It sounds scarily similar to a situation I was in, it started as a drunk thing then the feelings kicked in after. It sounds like she is flirting with you and trying to find out if you like her subtly, probably because she's either embarrassed about how she feels about you, or because she is too shy to just come out and tell you she likes you. That's just how it sounds to me.

 

I know it's a pretty bizarre thing to say, but why don't the two of you get drunk again and see what is said/ what happens. Not that peoples inhibitions are lower when they're pissed up, but people are generally more open about things when drunk.

[Adriana86]

I could try that I guess, maybe she would feel a bit more comfortable if she was under the influence a little. Because she is fine and flirty when we dont talk about it but the few times I have brought it up, she tightens up and looks really uncomfortable. I guess I have a party on Friday, that would probably be the best time.

[alcide]

woo, nice love story, honestly i wish i would get such opportunity, so that all my curiosity will come to reality, i always wishing to do a girl, if i was in your shoes i would flow with the move, just be your self, don't try to hide your emotion. You never know it might be the best thing.

[Adriana86]

I don't know what to think. I mean I never really let people in, in general. But for some reason, this girl is breaking down that barrier. I don't know why, it is like a force that i can't block, it just keeps rushing at me, penetrating my very being. I am usually not good at telling people my feelings. I usually wait for others to come to me with that kind of information. I am afraid. Scared of what this means, what it will mean. I know that love isn't easy and I know that it comes unexpectedly. But I just did not know that it would come here, now. i want to tell her, I do, but I don't want to waste years of friendship. I asked her to a movie and drinks tonight. We'll see. I love the feedback by the way. Because I really have no idea what I am doing. OMG.

[Adriana86]

So last night was my birthday party and we went out to a bar. all of my friends were up dancing and I was dancing with a mutual guy friend. After we left, I walked out with everyone to see her standing under the awning. I asked her what was wrong and she said you know what. then stormed off. We tried to catch her and I called her like 1000 times. All I got back were angry texts, like you knew the crap I was going through and I needed attention tonight, and you ruined that. Now she wont talk to me and I am like i don't know what to do. I don't know what she wants from me.

[arakal]

She likes you. She's afraid. If you ask her outright, if she likes you, she might deny it. But talking about what happenend at your birthday party would be a good way to bring up the subject. Be patient... but the feelings won't just go away. Your friendship has already changed so don't let "saving the friendship" hold you back. If you two do start dating, your life will change forever. Not in a bad way, at least you won't need a u-haul since you're already living together lol. Go for it and welcome to the club.

[iloveyoumorethanyouknow]

She's honestly scared that you might not like her and that she might be rejected and get embarrassed if she told you how she felt. Just tell her, "Hey, I like you.." if she doesn't feel the same.. at least you told her.. but if you're gonna keep it in and she's gonna keep it in.. then you two will get caught in this circle.

[Flux]

She probably saw you with you're guy friend and thought it was something more, and got angry and upset about it because she likes you, and that she's venting it onto you with a different excuse. That's how it sounds too me anyway.

 

So apologize to her, not mentioning what you're sorry for, and then tell her you like her. Then see if she likes you back. At least you'll get a quick cut answer, as opposed to if you dilly-dally around and try to find out if she likes you. (Which it sounds like she does)

 

GL

[Nurseman]

This is the kind of "crazy female drama" crap we guys have to deal with every day.

 

I am so glad I have managed to retreat from the world of relationships altogether.

 

Damn, that sounds pathetic. lol

 

 

 

By the way, it really does sound (at least from the perspective you give us) that she really does like you but that she is struggling with her feelings. Or she is playing coy. Either way, give her some space. Let her decide for herself (you do the same) how she feels and if she can take the chance of falling for you.

[Adriana86]

Well,

I sort of just started to ignore her, like not making eye contact, not answering calls, or if i did i made them brief, no pleasantries, and I haven't really talked to her at all for about a week.

She I think has become frustrated and came to me 2 nights ago saying that we needed to talk, and she is sorry about what happened on my birthday, and that she took it way out of hand. And then she started crying. I agreed to the talk.

Not to be mean, but this is kind of the reaction that I was hoping for. Because, now I can see that she is afraid of losing me at all and I am more prepared/confident to tell her after Thanksgiving break that I like her.

I don't know what do you guys think? Was that the right move? I gave her space so she wouldn't freak out, and so that she could find herself before I made the plunge.

[Jester75]

I wouldn't play with her feelings. Just be honest and straight forward. She has really shown courage by coming to you a couple of times and saying "lets talk" and opening herself up. You should do the same. I haven't read all the replies/threads, but you should just be honest with how you feel with her. Good luck!

[arakal]

I agree, don't play with her feelings, but I understand if you were testing the waters... And I don't think there's a need to wait unless you two haven't gotten over the birthday incident... even if you happen to be apart for Thanksgiving. You'll probably start to over think everything if you wait. And who knows, she might be losing hope and trying to talk herself out of liking you since it's not going well (week-long birthday incident that she caused), unless you were extra reassuring when you two talked.

 

But it sounds like you're handling this pretty well so far.

[bear12]

hmm.. sounds like high drama.

 

really, i don't know what to tell you, other than that i think it's best to ALWAYS be honest about how you're feeling and not play games, etc. this is new for you, it's new for her also, and i think it's important to have open and honest conversation to avoid anyone getting hurt, etc.

 

maybe she'll just be your casual "girl experience" from college, or maybe she'll become the love of your life... who knows... but if you have feelings for this girl, i think you owe it to yourself to explore them- and owe it to her to tell her.

 

then again, remember that you are roommates and that if things dont' work out so well, you're probably going to be living with this girl until summer, right? so it's probably also important to think about/talk about that with her and what that might mean...

[Adriana86]

So I talked to her a bit about what happened on the night of my birthday and she I think is being stubborn about the situation that we are in with our feelings. We went out two nights ago and she seemed normal. Like friendly, whatever. I dunno, she is kinda giving me this "come here, go away" type attitude. And like I said I am not good at reading people and I can't tell if she's flirting or just a tease in general. And again I am afraid to make a move because it would be awkward if she turned me down. All my friends are her friends and vice versa. I dunno. And she knows my family, I know hers. I think I am just not ready for this.